My Boyfriend Wants Me To Be More Aggressive In Bed (Reasons & Solutions)

Err, your boyfriend said what? For you to be more aggressive in bed?… What does he mean by “aggressive in bed”? Does he want you to choke him, slap him or tie it up? Oh boy, this could be a whole new realm of bedroom activities.

Before you give up, hang in the towel, or even run away I want you to look at how to be aggressive sexually and the reasons why he wants you to be aggressive, and most importantly how you can be aggressive without doing anything that makes you want to run and hide.

6 Reasons why your boyfriend wants you to be more aggressive in bed

Your boyfriend wants you to be more aggressive in bed because he wants to try new things to make your sex life enjoyable, being aggressive in bed means that you take control of what happens and be more expressive of what you want in the bedroom.

You do the same thing in bed

They call it vanilla sex because it’s exactly that very vanilla you know that there are plenty of other ice-cream flavors other than vanilla but vanilla is the original flavor that most people stick to. Maybe you are thinking to yourself “ So you’re saying that my boyfriend thinks I’m boring”, No darling that’s not what I am saying because the same thing applies to sex. The missionary position is considered to be vanilla because there are many other positions to try and one of them is being aggressive to your boyfriend in bed.

He loves to experiment

Being in a relationship with a man who loves to experiment can have its pros and its cons. The good thing is that he loves to try new things and will be open to any suggestions that you want to try. But the bad thing is that he might be too free-spirited, and adventurous and want to try any and every sexual position out there which can leave you feeling exhausted and unable to keep up.

He wants to spice up your sex life

There is nothing wrong with spicing things up, I say bring all the spices that you can, and let’s get this thing rolling. Spicing up your sex life can make you feel closer to each other, it gives you room to find out more about sex and what you like, a little bedroom spice never hurt anyone.

He thinks you are not happy

Your bedroom style might be a little too quiet for him and maybe he feels like you are not enjoying sleeping with him, your reaction in the bedroom leaves him feeling despondent like he is not doing enough, he wants you to take the lead and show a bit of aggression in the hopes that this will satisfy you.

He loves to be dominated

Hey everyone has their kinks that they like, some people like to be spanked, some love to be licked and your boyfriend loves to be treated with a bit of aggression, it’s part of his bedroom persona.

He wants you to initiate

Sex is a two-way street gone are the days when males were the only ones responsible for the direction of sex, he wants you to be a sexually assertive woman. Females are now speaking up and taking control, he wants you to assert your sexual needs and speak up.

9 Things you must do when your boyfriend wants you to be more aggressive in bed

If your boyfriend wants you to be more aggressive in bed you must start small and send him naughty flirty messages, when you are in the bedroom with him tell him what you want him to do you can also look into being intimate with him in places other than the bedroom.

Give yourself some time

You are not going to be a Russian sex goddess, an Italian sex goddess, or even a plain old fantasy sex goddess overnight, that is impossible. To play into his fantasy world of you becoming aggressive in bed you need to give yourself time to wrap your mind around it. There are a ton of sex books for women that speak about femdom and things of that nature, take it one step at a time.

Start small

Start with sending him flirty text messages, if you don’t know what to write then type on Google” cute flirty text messages for him, naughty flirty text messages for him” and even “ mature flirty text messages” If you never know how to respond you can look at using an online flirty text response generator. Dress sexier for him, whisper in his ear, tie him up, or use sex toys together, you don’t have to hang from the ceiling just yet.

Do what feels comfortable

If being on top doesn’t make you feel good, then tell him you are uncomfortable. If slapping or biting him feels strange and you don’t want to do it, tell him. Never go all the way if you won’t be able to look at yourself the next day.

Educate yourself about intimacy

You know being intimate with your boyfriend doesn’t mean you have to stick to vanilla sex, there are more things that you can do. BDSM is one area that you can play around with but take things slow. Create characters for yourselves, maybe he can be a businessman and you a waitress any role that will make you feel outside of yourself, by still be yourself if you get me. Intimacy and sex are not only about being physical, using your imagination can make you appear to be aggressive so play it up.

Keep an open mind

If he tells you to be more aggressive in bed it doesn’t mean that you are doing something wrong, it means the opposite. He is comfortable enough with you to tell you what he wants in bed, instead of keeping quiet, breaking up with you, and dumping you because he feels you were bad in bed.

Keeping an open mind means doing your research. I mean this is the reason that we have Google search, Yahoo search, or even Bing search. Search for something like “ BDSM toys, BDSM movies” or even “ Vanilla sex”. This will give you a deeper understanding of intimacy and you will understand your current state of sex life.

Don’t be afraid to say no

If things get a bit too frisky for you, there is no shame in pulling out, if bedroom aggression, the screaming, and the hollering are not for you to say no and stick to your no, there are plenty of things you can do to show aggression without feeling out of place.

Don’t feel embarrassed

There are some things that you will try that will seem ridiculous and will leave you feeling weird and funny, that is normal and that is a part of intimacy until you find what works then you have to endure the feeling of being embarrassed.

Play it safe

If you are open-minded enough and you don’t mind tying him up, whipping him, or giving him a hard spank then come up with a code word before you engage in sex. The code word is a word that both of you can use when things get too risky and you feel uncomfortable. He must know that when you say the code word it means “STOP” for both of you.


Practice makes perfect and no one will know that you are trying to get out of your comfort zone, so start looking at yourself in the mirror and get acquainted with your body. If you have to practice making loud sex sounds then do so just make sure that no one is at home. Explore your body and the places that are sensitive to touch, this will help you guide your boyfriend when you make love.

How can I be more expressive sexually?

The best way to do this is to talk during sex, ask your boyfriend how he is feeling, ask him what feels good, and tell him what you want him to do.

To wrap it up

My boyfriend says I’m boring in bed”, Oh that is the last thing that we want him to say, there are tons of ways that you can be more aggressive in bed its all about finding the right thing for you. If being aggressive is out of your lead but you still want to make your boyfriend happy then try getting out of the bedroom. Making love in the shower is a great way to keep things hot. Explore different making love positions and before long you might be the one saying I want my boyfriend to be more aggressive but before you do don’t say yes to anything that you are not ready for.

3 thoughts on “My Boyfriend Wants Me To Be More Aggressive In Bed (Reasons & Solutions)”

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