Oh no he didn’t just dump you because he was not happy about your performance in bed, what did he think he was getting when you guys started dating? A bedroom queen? An intimacy goddess? An adult entertainer?
What happened to dating because you want a future with someone that includes, love, great food, and talking through problems like being bad in bed? Is he all that in bed?
There is no use in us going over the reasons why he dumped you because we know apparently you were bad in bed, but we can look at what you can do about all of this.
12 Things that you can do when he dumps you because you were bad in bed
If he dumps you and says it is because you were bad in bed, accept his reasons and move on. He might be using the fact that he thinks you were bad in bed as an excuse, don’t beg him, don’t call him, let him, and find a boyfriend who will work through bedroom issues with you.
Don’t take it personally
Ya, I wouldn’t even dare take it personally, if you are older or have been intimate with more than one guy then you would know that there is no one size fits all formula, what he didn’t like another guy will love, what he thought sucked another guy will think it’s awesome and what he thought was boring another guy will think its the best thing since sliced bread.
His dumping you is not a reflection on your entire persona, it doesn’t mean your sex life will never be great and every guy that you meet will dump you, he is one guy out of billions of men on earth and life doesn’t work like that.
Work on your intimacy skills
Let’s be diplomatic here, speaking hypothetically let’s say that your bedroom skills leave much to be desired and we can blame a lot of things. You might be shy in bed because you were raised by a conservative family, you experienced trauma in your life or this was the first time you were intimate with a guy.
All of these points don’t mean that you absolutely without a doubt need to train your bedroom skills, but have an open mind. There is a ton of information available on the internet on ways that you can become comfortable with your body, the more healthy you are with the concept of being naked the better your sex life will be. You can read books, or browse the internet for tips on how you can let go of your limiting beliefs when it comes to sex.
Hold your head high
If you are anything like me then you probably can spend hours if not days thinking about what someone said about you. I can spend days if not months being embarrassed about something that happened long ago, and my mind will automatically default to that embarrassing situation. Girl, don’t be like me, let go and let life happen, if you hold onto what he said you will drive yourself insane when it comes to dating. So he dumped you because he says you were bad in bad, but hold your head high and keep it moving.
Take the time to get to know your next partner
Sex is something you have to talk bout before you do it, life is not like an Ashton Kutcher movie where two people meet and the next day they have sex and live happily ever after. No, you have to make your desires clear, and if you don’t have experience your partner has to know so that he can manage his expectation. Move slowly, and don’t be afraid of being labeled serious because you need to know the intentions of whomever it is that you date, there are plenty of questions to ask a guy to get to know him.
And please, don’t fall into the trap of sexting the guy all the things you want to do to him and hype up the first time you will be intimate together, the only thing sexting will do is make you extremely nervous because now you have to live up to all the things that you said you were going to do to him. There are questions to ask a guy before dating him and these questions don’t necessarily have anything to do with sexting, so control your hormones,
Ask your ex what you did that was bad
I am curious as to how he told you that you were bad in bed, did he send you a text saying” It’s over I am dumping you because you are bad in bed”? How was all of this communicated, it any case, if he randomly sends you a message, ask him what does he mean that you were bad in bed? Did he “finish”? Did he expect you to wear stripper clothing and have a stripper pole?
Change your views on intimacy
You are probably traumatized by what he said but look at sex from a different angle, sex is not about him “finishing” it’s way more than that. It’s a time to show each other how much you love and care for each other, it’s a time to expand on what you do outside of going to the movies, or a concert.
Know that the right guy won’t leave you
There was nothing that you can do, you can be the prettiest and most wanted woman in the world and if a guy doesn’t want to be with you he won’t. Loving the right man won’t have you questioning who you are or feeling bad about being “bad in bed”, Mr right won’t give a flying nickel even if you are not good in bed. You could have been the best intimacy partner, heck you could have even swung from the ceiling naked and if he wanted to leave he would have left.
Avoid bad boys
Bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna do when they come for you? The thing about cool guys is that they are oh-so-delectable and so charming. But they are usually user men who want one thing and one thing only. Chances are if this dude is a bad boy, you could have given him a great time and because that is all that he wanted, he is using the “bad in bed” as his ticket out.
Girl you know this guy was bad from form the very first date, your gut instinct told you, bad boys behave and operate the same, but alas, he was handsome you choose to ignore the signs, Unfortunately, some men only want one thing so no bad boys for you next time.
Know that everyone has a preference
Just because he didn’t like what you did or didn’t do in bed doesn’t mean that the next guy won’t. There is no formula, you can meet a guy and be intimate with him and do nothing but lay on your back and he might be fine with it.
Dont prove yourself
Hold on, don’t you do it, lock yourself inside if you have to, and don’t prove yourself to him, suppose your ego is bruised and you want to get your “dignity” back, so what better way than to call him and ask him to come over so you can show him a good time? No, wrong again, your job is not to audition for the role of being his forever main chick, avoid the “show me what you have got” pressure. If he doesn’t want a relationship right now, he will come up with every excuse in the book and yes he can even go as far as saying your intimacy skills are not doing it for him.
Move on without closure
Yes, there is no need for closure in this situation, getting closure after a breakup, can do more damage than good. What is closure anyway? The only reason why you would want closure is so that he can reassure you that you are a great person and stroke your ego so that you don’t feel as bad, and learn to go no contact without needing closure. If you are looking for advice on how to get closure from a breakup or how to get closure from an ex, know this, when it comes to situations like these sometimes having no closure is the closure.
Dont send him one “last message”
The same with needing closure, avoid writing him a long paragraph that reads like a Danielle Steel novel, explaining to him why he hurt you and how you thought he was different, and how your mom, uncle sister, and aunty adore him. He knows he hurt you, he just doesn’t care.
Is it OK to be bad in bed?
There is no one size fits all answer because being bad in bed a subjective, if you lack bedroom skills you can have an honest conversation with your partner where you discuss ways to improve your sex life.
What counts as bad in bed?
Everyone has their definition of what is bad in bed, but generally things like, no passion, lack of communication, and rushing to “get done” are all considered bad.
To wrap it up
Being bad in bad is very subjective unless you have a bad track record and every guy you meet dumps you for the same reason Don’t take it personally, this is one of the lessons that we have to learn when he’s not the right guy for you, so chin up.