Oh Darling what would we do without our mothers, they give birth to us, teach us about life, and they tell us that we don’t love them. Whether this is true or is a manipulation tactic is up for discussion.
If your mom constantly says that you don’t love her, she may be feeling like you don’t, or she is one of the narcissistic moms who use the word love as a means to get what she wants.
Here are some of the reasons why your mom says that you don’t love her, and darling do yourself a favor and look at the solutions, you must sort this out.
My Mom Thinks I Don’t Love Her ( 9 Reasons She Says This)
Your mom thinks you don’t love her because she feels like your relationship is not as close as it was, because you are busy with your life and your friends you might not be calling or spending time with her and this makes her feel like you don’t love her.
You look down on her
Are you educated, and have a bachelor’s or honors degree? Do you live in an expensive part of town, drive an expensive car, and spend your weekends playing tennis at the Austin Country Club? And your mom? Is she a stay-at-home mom, never went to school, or never got the cancer to fulfill her dreams?
Well there you have your answer, she might think that you look down on her because of the different lives that you are living. More so if you never include her in your high society living, she will feel like you don’t love her.
You have never told her that you love her
Yup, the years go by so quickly and it’s easy to focus on your life and leave your mom out of it, that is not the problem. Maybe when you were younger you used to tell your mom that you loved her, well because you did and I am sure that you do, but sometimes mommy dearest needs to hear “ I love you mom” just to make her feel secure.
You never call
Between school, work, your social life, and your love life you might be so busy that you hardly pick up the phone to call. Your mom thinks you don’t love her because of this, how would you feel if she never bothered to check up on you, you would most likely spend your time thinking my mom never calls me’ ouch.
She is saying this to manipulate you
Yup, mommy dearest is not mommy dearest for nothing. She has been around for a long time and if she is a toxic mom she knows which buttons to push to make you feel guilty for having a life by saying that you don’t love her.
Her identity might be wrapped up in being a mom so now that you are older and don’t need her as much, losing control over you is something that she can’t handle, Yes this can be a way to manipulate you.
She mistreated you in the past
If she has been a bad mom, neglected you, or mistreated you this is her way of trying to let go of her guilt by seeking validation that you love her. She knows that she has her issues, she knows that she could have been a better mom and she knows that if you don’t love her you have every right not to because of the way that she raised you. This is all her ego, her attention-seeking, and her way of trying to minimize her guilt for the way that you were brought up.
You never say that you love her back
If you never say “ I love you” back to your mom, then she has every right to think this, I mean she said I love you and you keep quiet, what is she supposed to think? Whether or not the relationship is in tatters is not the point, the point is that she thinks you don’t love her because of this.
You are never at home
Every weekend you are out with the girls having a ladies’ brunch in New York and when you are at home you are out within five minutes because you are busy. And you should be busy, this is your life, but darling, think about how she feels if she only sees you at home for 10 minutes a week, she will feel like second best.
You never celebrate Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day is so overrated but I can understand why people celebrate it. Moms do a lot for their children even those who never do anything, we can at least give them credit for giving birth. So you might have missed Mother’s Day and never bought your mom a mothers Day gift or even said “ Happy Mother’s Day”
She has a poor self-image
You can’t help it if your mom has a poor self-image or herself. If you have done everything in your power to show her that you love her, you have done your job. However, if she has insecurity issues that is nothing that you will be able to do to convince her that you love her.
My Mom Thinks I Don’t Love Her: 7 Things You Must Do When Your Mom Thinks You Don’t Love Her
If your mom thinks you don’t love her, you must try to spend more time with her and schedule activities so that your bond can be strengthened. You must also do your best to make her feel wanted by occasionally telling her that you love her.
Do something nice
If this is just a misunderstanding then do something nice for mom, maybe cook her favorite meal, clean the house, or buy her a clothing voucher. If you have the money, take care of her electricity bill or buy her groceries for two months.
Tell her that you love her
Saying I love you to your mom can feel so awkward especially if you are not used to saying it, I mean how do you start? You don’t have to make it a weird event, it’s better to get it over and done with. So when you talk to her on the phone, end the conversation by saying” Okay I have to go, love you bye” and put down the phone.
Talk to her on the phone
You don’t have to have a whole conversation or a list of questions to ask your mom, a quick phone call even if it’s three minutes will make your mom feel a little loved and comforted. You might be thinking but my mom never stops talking, Don’t worry about that just pick up the phone and let her talk away.
Go home once in a while
Your busy life can wait for at least one weekend even if you would rather be doing something else, darling go home, or as they used to say in the sister-sister comedy go home, Roger. Take a weekend and go and see your mom, try not to be too distracted and spend time listening to her.
Watch out for emotional blackmail
Keep your eyes open for any control issues or guilt-tripping that come from your mom. She might say you don’t love her or give you the silent treatment and this will leave you thinking why does my mom think I hate her? And because you want her approval you will wind up doing whatever she wants you to.
Know your options
If you don’t love your mom for what happened in the relationship, that’s okay, You are not obliged to do or say anything, and you are also not obliged to let her treat you like a therapist or emotionally blackmail you into saying I love you, especially if she treated you bad your entire life.
Celebrate special occasions
Even if birthdays, Christmases, or Mother’s Days are not your thing you can suck it up for one day. These events don’t happen all year round. So think about picking up the phone and calling your mom or going home for Christmas just to spread the love.
Am I obligated to love my mom?
You are not obliged to love your mom, especially if she has not been a good mom or made you feel like a burden. You are allowed to change your feelings over time and lean into what feels good to you.
Why do I feel like I don’t love my mom anymore?
If you feel like you don’t love your mom it may be because she did not treat you well when you were growing up. This may have caused feelings of anger and resentment on your part. She might not have shown you love or the bond between mother and child was not formed during your early years.
To end it off, darling
Oh no My mom thinks I don’t care about her, that’s okay Darling because now you have some solutions that you can work through to remedy this. You don’t have to force yourself to love your mom, if she has never shown you any love you are well within your rights.