Hello, mom are you there? Come on mom please call me. Mom, mom, mom? Okay, that’s a bit dramatic I am sure that you don’t do that so let’s reverse a little. Your mom never calls you and when you speak to your friends they often have conversations with their moms consistently, and sometimes multiple times a day. So what’s up with YOUR mom, why does she never pick up the phone?
What does it mean when your mother never calls you?
When your mom never calls you it’s probably because she thinks you are too busy to talk, you are an adult and your mom knows that you have a hectic life that may not include her, it’s her way of giving you space to be yourself. You can make this right by calling your mom often so that she can see that you are not too busy to talk.
7 Reasons why your mom never calls you
She thinks you are busy
Suppose you and your mom have a good relationship, you argue just like any mother and daughter would but for the most part the relationship has no issues, so if you cannot pinpoint the exact cause or reason that she would not call you, the most obvious reason would be that she thinks that you are busy. This doesn’t mean that she doesn’t want to talk to you but she knows you have a hectic life with University, work, and your social life, it’s her way of giving you space to figure out your place in the world.
She is busy
Your mom is allowed to have a life of her own, and if you are reading this then it’s safe to say that you do not need your mom for everything. The older you grew up the more time your mom has to do the things she never got a chance to do or the things she put off doing until her kids were independent.
Girl, she is busy, she is allowed to be busy, she has raised her children to be free and take responsibility for their own lives. Just because she is busy doesn’t mean she never wants to talk, she could be preoccupied with hobbies such as bingo, community volunteer groups, church, or painting.
You never pick up the phone
Your mom is also human, her feelings also get hurt just like yours do, maybe she is tired of calling you because you never pick up the phone or don’t get back to her when you see that she has called you, Nah ah girl, if this is you change the way that you do things, I can tell you from experience that your mom doesn’t want to seem like a bother.
She has mental issues
It’s not a nice thing to think about but mommy dearest could have a few mental issues such as being bipolar or a narcissist. If this is the case, you will have better luck if she falls under the bipolar category because it takes a lot for narcissists to change.
So what does this mean?
Suppose your mom is a narcissist her world is all about her, what she wants, and the people she can use to bow down to her and that includes you. Narcissists love the silent treatment because it gets the results. When your mom does not call you it leaves you wondering what you did wrong and how you can make it right, well BINGO, if she is a narcissist then she has you exactly where she wants you to be.
She doesn’t like talking on the phone
It’s kind of strange if you think about it but old people don’t like talking on the phone, they also do not walk around with their phones constantly in their hands. For you, this may not be strange but your mom may have grown up in a non-technology era, where people prioritized meeting their friends or relatives and talking face to face. It’s not that she doesn’t want to talk to you but technology all day every day is not her thing.
She thinks you are fine with the arrangement
Girl, have you made an effort to change the way things are? Have you spoken about your expectations? Are you hoping your mom will pick up on the secret signals that you might be sending? Well, don’t, stop it right there, if you are afraid of talking to your mom about it and you are not okay with the arrangement then make an effort, you be the one who changes the pattern. Pick up the phone and call her, trust me she will get the hint that you like talking to her, and you will have her call you in no time.
She is mad at you
Take a moment and think about the last time you saw your mom or the last time you spoke to her, did you maybe say anything that could have hurt her feelings? Did you voice your opinion about something? Did she look or sound happy when you said your goodbyes? This will give you a clue as to why she is not calling you, but this only applies if you and your mom have always had a relationship where you talk almost daily and she has gone quiet all of the sudden.
5 Solutions you can try when your mom never calls you
Now that we have the reasons that your mom never calls you, let’s look at the solutions, here are some things that you can do to change this.
Find common ground
Work out the perfect time to have a conversation with your mom, if this means talking for an hour every Saturday and Sunday then do so, this must be a time when the two of you can catch up. Ask her about her commitments and also tell her about yours, that way she will have an idea of when she can call you without interruptions.
Increase the duration of the phone call
Piggybacking on the first point, it’s not really about the quantity but focus on the quality of the calls. It’s no use calling mom just to tell her you are about to back a cake ( unless she knows the perfect recipe), but you get my point. If it’s not urgent, save it for the hour-long weekend calls.
Try other means of communicating
Your mom might be the calling type, she might be the texting type, watch her communication patterns, she might respond positively to texting or even video calls. If she has time, have a video call with her, this mode of communication might be her thing.
Don’t just talk about yourself
Whoo, girl we know that she is your mom, she loves you and wants the best for you but it’s NOT all about you. Give your mom a chance to get a word in, let her talk about what is going on in her life, show interest and ask her some questions, and get the conversation flowing.
Take her out
Suppose you live in the same city as your mom, you can make the time to go and see her, it doesn’t have to be every week maybe once a month so that she can see that her daughter is doing well and most importantly that you still care about her.
How often should a daughter call her mother?
There is no magic number, nor is there any law that says that a daughter should call her mother this or that amount of times. It boils down to what works for the two of you and what kind of mother-daughter relationship you have. Some people only call their moms when they have an emergency and others like myself call their moms to speak to them about anything.
I am sure that by the end of this article, you have gone from thinking my mom never wants to talk to me to, I think I know what to do. Remember that your mom is also busy and she might also not want to seem like she is being too nosey, so take our advice and let us know what happens.