Oh dear your mom thinks you look down on her and for the life of you, there is nothing that you can think of that you did or said that could make her feel this way. Is your mom overreacting or you are an insensitive child and you only think and care about yourself?
Is she right? Your mom is feeling this way and her feelings are valid, but this doesn’t mean that you did anything wrong and yes this issue can be resolved.
My Mom Thinks I Look Down On Her (6 Reasons For This)
Your mom thinks that you look down on her because of some of the comments that you make, they make her feel inferior. You also don’t spend a lot of time with her and this makes her feel like she doesn’t matter that much to you.
You make snide comments
In the heat of the moment you might say something like ” You don’t know how to do this, why don’t you know how to do that” or “It’s okay, you don’t know how to do this, so I will do it”. Can you see how these comments can make your mom feel like you don’t think highly of her?
She feels inferior
If your mom feels inferior it is not your fault and you should never take on that emotional responsibility. Her feelings of inferiority have to do with who she is and mostly what she has done with her life, she is taking out her feelings of disappointment onto you.
You never want to be around her
Now that you are an adult you have a right to live your life the way that you want to and with the people that you choose, but maybe you have progressed so much that you don’t spend time with her. Think about it, if you are older you are probably saying to yourself my mom and I used to be close, and you are right, but time and changes in your life may alter that.
She sees all your posts on social media, living it up in New York, drinking the finest wine, and dining in fancy restaurants. if you never go home, never spend time with your mom, or never include her in your new life she might feel like you look down on her.
She had a tough upbringing
Your mom might come from an environment where she was treated as less than, she was made to feel like her opinions didn’t matter or never made sense. Maybe her friends or family always made fun of her, if she has a disability or was not good in school she might feel like you look down on her because of this.
You never ask her for advice
Moms love to feel wanted, and even though your mom won’t say it she loves it when you don’t know something and come to her for advice. When you reach the point of knowing it all or you ask other people for advice your mom will feel like she doesn’t matter.
She is not educated
Your mom might not have had the chance to go to school because she comes from a poor background or she had to quit school because she fell pregnant with you, This is not your fault but understand that a lack of education can make your mom feel like you don’t think she knows anything and because of her lack of knowledge you look down on her.
My Mom Thinks I Look Down On Her (5 Things You Must Do)
You should speak to your mom and make her understand that you don’t look down on her, make the time to bond with her by calling her and making her feel part of your life.
Reassure your mom
Yes, it’s a tough conversation to have and your first inclination will be to run away but as much as you want to run and hide, don’t. Speak to your mom, it’s better to do this face-to-face than send a text. She might be so hurt that she doesn’t understand your text and then this problem might lead to bigger problems.
If you don’t live at home go home and talk to her, don’t make a huge event out of it, You can approach her when she is cooking and stand next to her. When you do say something like” I want us to revisit what you said, I want you to know that I feel so bad that you think that I look down on you because I don’t” And wait for her response.
Tell her that you love her
Say it, say “I love you Mom”, these words are simple and yet can be the hardest words to say especially if you and your mom don’t say these words often. Your mom wants to feel that you love her, she can guess that you do, so say those words.
Spend time with her
Spending time with your mom is the simplest cost-effective way to assure her that you don’t look down on her. You might be thinking ‘But my mom never calls me’, this is the time for you to be the big girl. Make time to call her even if it’s once a week and even if the call only lasts for a few minutes just pick up the phone and say “Hello”
Be ready for anything
Your mom might have undealt trauma that she is unknowingly passing or blaming you for, even if you do take the steps to speak to her, she might not want to hear anything that you have to say. If your relationship has always been hard, then be prepared for her to not want to revisit the topic or shift the blame of things that happened in the past on you.
Your job is to apologize and make sure that she knows that you don’t look down on her, but it’s not your job to beg for forgiveness …unless you have done something wrong.
Understand where she comes from
As stated your mom grew up in a different generation from you, she might not have had the chance to further her education, or if she had she might not be in the career that she wants all that built-up anger can spill onto you and because she feels a lot of past regrets it might come out as you looking down on her.
Deep down if you have been a good daughter your mom knows that you don’t look down on her, this is her way of dealing with whatever issues that she has.
To end it off
We have good news and bad news, the bad news is it will take a while for your mom to stop feeling like you look down on her, the good news is that this is not a lost situation. Once she gets past her insecurities she will see that you are her child and there is nothing in the world that will change that.