Your boyfriend says you don’t understand him because he feels like you make everything about yourself and you expect him to treat you like a princess all the time. But how true is this, could he be the one who doesn’t understand you?
There could be miscommunication happening, but for you to understand him and have a happy relationship you have to take a step back from this.
So the question you ask yourself is: What to do when you don’t understand your boyfriend? We have all the solutions.
My Boyfriend Says I Don’t Understand Him: 13 Solutions
You can speak to him and ask him to tell you about a specific situation where he feels you don’t understand him. Spend uninterrupted time with him with no distractions so that you can observe his behaviors this will give you insight into what he likes, loves, and hates and give you a better understanding.
To understand him better take a moment to observe him, look at how he dresses, the music he listens to, the food he likes to eat, and how he acts in certain situations. Does he like to be alone on Sundays, does he love watching action movies, what are his dreams, that sort of thing?
Ask him what he means
You are not a magician nor are you able to predict the situations when you are not understanding, so ask him what he means. When you do not understand him, you need examples of actual events that have happened so that you don’t make the same mistake.
Put your foot down
You know him better than anyone, so how does he act overall, is he defensive? This could be a defense tactic if he has done something wrong. He doesn’t want to face the music so he is using the “My girlfriend doesn’t understand me “ speech to get away from taking responsibility for his actions.
Dont force things
At some point you have to do your best and leave the rest to him, there is only so much that you can do aside from literally getting inside his brain to understand him. Ask him questions but if you sense that he is not comfortable in opening up or avoids answering then give it a rest, he will come around when he is ready.
Dont be anxious
It’s easy for you to fall into the trap of doing everything in your power to understand your boyfriend. Sometimes the more we try the more anxious we become, dont feed too much into understanding him at the expense of your well-being.
You don’t know the exact reasons why he says this and until you do, do what he can. You might find yourself in a constant loop of observing and checking everything that you do so that you can appear understanding, once again do what you can and leave the rest.
Come to a mutual understanding
If he says you don’t understand him but when you ask him a question he tells you to mind your own business, there is a disconnect there. Try to understand when he feels like opening up and when you should leave him alone.
If he says that he wants to talk and you are not available schedule a time when both of you can communicate without interruptions. He is your boyfriend but there may be topics and behaviors on both sides that are off-limits, discuss what you are both happy with sharing and keeping private.
Spend time with him
I know you want to spend time with the girls but balance your family, friendships, and love life so that your boyfriend feels included. Men are big babies and love attention, so if you have a night out with the girls why not spend the afternoon with him? It’s the small acts of love that are crucial.
Learn about him
Females are natural researchers, let’s face it we love to dig out information about everyone around us. This is your chance to research and find out things that you didn’t know. And no, I am not talking about going through his phone, you put that down.
I am talking about spending time with his friends and family and asking them about the person that he is. This will give you insight and a better understanding of what you are dealing with.
Check your behavior
But darling, is he right, do you not understand him and he has been doing everything in his power to get to you understand? It’s easy to slip into the girlfriend role and expect him to do all the work. You are his girlfriend and this is a partnership, meaning you consider his feelings.
Give him your undivided attention
What Nicki Minaj, Doja Cat, and Julia Roberts are wearing to the Oscars can wait, and besides you can always google their outfits. When you are with him limit your social media time and if you have to put your notifications off. There is nothing more offputting than sitting with someone who stares at their phone, I mean how will you get to know him better?
Acknowledge his efforts
Hey, it takes a lot for a guy to open up, we should be celebrating and popping the champagne because your boyfriend is man enough to say to you “ I don’t think you understand me”. Don’t belittle him and make him feel weak or self-conscious. Now is the excellent time to send him a message that says “ Thank you for telling me this, why don’t we talk about it tonight”.
Validate your feelings
Sometimes we need an outsider’s opinion when we are not sure. Maybe you are wrong, maybe you are right but get the opinion of his friend or a family member. If you are not sure if he is right or wrong, talk to them because this might be a pattern of his in all of his relationships. You might find out that he has said this to all of his girlfriends and you are not in the wrong.
Do you see yourself in a rollercoaster of a relationship always doing your best day in and day out to try and understand your boyfriend without him giving you the benefit of the doubt? Do you think your efforts will pay off because you might find yourself in a cycle of trying all the time?
When your boyfriend says you don’t understand him?
He wants you to listen to him, and understand his feelings, actions, and thought processes. You can observe him and pay attention to the little things, like the food he eats, the friends he hangs out with, and the places he likes to visit, start small.
Can a relationship last without understanding?
No, it cannot last because not everyone is perfect and you will make mistakes, you need understanding to forgive each other or the relationship will be short-lived.
In the end
Take your time and get to really know your boyfriend, understanding him is not something that will happen overnight. The answers you are looking for are in front of you, observe his words and actions to give you a clearer understanding…Good luck.