My Boyfriend Says I Call Him Too Much (9 Odd Reasons)

“Hello darling, how are you? Hello babe what are you doing? Hello honey, what are you up to?” There is nothing wrong with calling to see how your boyfriend is doing, but calling every hour on the hour might irritate him, he will confront you and end up thinking my boyfriend says I call him too much, should I stop?

Calling your boyfriend might be sweet and all but calling too much throughout the day can put a strain on the relationship. To avoid that we have put together a list of reasons why he says this, and all the things that you can do.

My Boyfriend Says I Call Him Too Much (9 Odd Reasons)

Your boyfriend says you call him too much for several reasons; You call him about every little thing, you call him when he is busy and you expect him to talk to you when he is at work or school, this is starting to make him feel smothered.

He is an introvert

As a fellow introvert myself I can tell you it can be a weird life to live, so if he is a quiet guy he won’t necessarily like you calling all the time. It has nothing to do with you, he has no problem with you and he might even be loving the relationship. But introverts love their downtime, he loves to be alone and this means not calling him all the time.

He is going through a tough time

Suppose he is going through a tough time in his life, his work is not going well, his family life is in shambles and he is figuring out what to do with his life. During this time your boyfriend will want some space, and your relationship will most likely benefit from this.

The key is to give him space to sort his life out or whatever is troubling him, again, this has nothing to do with you but for him to plan his next move calling and calling him is just adding to his stress.

Remember that some people deal with life’s problems by being alone, which means no friends, minimal socializing as well as phone calls until they sort out their lives.

You call him when he is at work

If you call him when he is busy or when he is in a meeting then it goes without saying that you call him too much. Work is, well, a place where everyone in society goes to make money and go home.

Your timing might be slightly off, calling him when he is on his lunch break is fine, but calling him throughout the day when he is supposed to be focusing at work can be a bother.

You call him when he is at school

School is similar to work, it’s busy and needs focus. Maybe he says you call him too much because you do it a lot when he is at school. He is supposed to be focusing on what his lectures are saying and your phone calls might not be that important at the time. He also needs space to make friends.

You call him about every little thing

Calling him when your hair dryer stops working is only cute in the first few weeks of dating but calling him to tell him you lost your lipgloss when he is in the middle of something important will get tired very fast.

Think of it this way, imagine you have something important to do and your boyfriend keeps calling you nonstop, you eventually pick up the phone only for him to ask you what color shirt he should wear with his jeans.

You call him more than five times a day

Calling excessively is only acceptable in the beginning because the relationship is new and all you want to do is hear your partner’s voice, laugh, giggle, and Facetime each other. If the relationship is a few months or years in this can be seen as over the top.

By now you should have a routine and you know what he is busy with during the day. Calling him in the morning to say “Have a good day” is fine, but calling 12 times in 2 hours is a little creepy darling.

He is not used to a girlfriend like you

Here I am giving you a talk too and you might not even be calling him too much, he might be saying you call him a lot because he is not used to dating a girl like you. All his girlfriends might have been standoffish or you might be his first serious relationship.

He is used to talking to his ex-girlfriends maybe twice a week and seeing them on weekends. So with you, it’s a different story, and there is nothing wrong with you expecting to talk to him several times a day because it’s what couples do. If he has not been in any serious relationship this could be the reason that he is saying this.

He feels smothered

A user on Reddit gave advice when someone posted about a similar situation:

“He tried to tell you what that amount was for him (or at least get an adjustment from you) and you just bowled on with what you wanted to do. He kept up with it as long as he could and has now gotten to a breaking point. He needs a breather, give it to him. I would give him 3-4 days of little contact and then ask to have a conversation where you reevaluate (together) the appropriate amount of phone time for each of you”.

He is managing your expectations

Darling, we can sit here and I can give you 50 reasons why he says you call him too much but at the end of the day, is there something like calling too much when you are in love? I am not talking about fatal attraction here but a normal, fresh, and healthy relationship.

If he is not that invested in the relationship he may be saying this to keep you in line so that you don’t think that the relationship has a future. For him this might not be serious, he is spending time with you, nothing less and certainly nothing more.

My Boyfriend Says I Call Him Too Much (9 Solutions)

When he says you call him too much you must limit the amount of times that you call, and give him the chance to initiate contact so that your relationship doesn’t become one-sided with you doing all the work.

Call him less

Your first order of business is to do what he wants you to do and that is to call him less, be mature about it, and give him the space that he wants. If he wants to talk to you, let him be the one to pick up the phone.

Deal with your internal issues

Think about why you call him a lot, if you don’t call him too much then keep reading but if you call him more than needed stay with this point. So why do you call him all day every day? Are you bored or do you have abandonment issues?

You might be calling him to ease your anxiety, you might be scared that he is going to leave you or you have no one in your corner. Deep down all these phone calls are a way for you to be in control, to sense where his head is at just in case he leaves you.

Talk about this

If you are scared that he might be cheating or you have an emotional abandonment problem, talk to him about it. Let him reassure you that this is the relationship that he wants, the relationship that he is going to keep working on and you are the woman for him. You can call him a million times but if he wants to leave he will leave you. It’s best to communicate your feelings.

If you are calling him because you just want to hear his phone that’s cute but work a compromise, maybe call him during his breaks so that he doesn’t feel shy and awkward?

Get busy

An idle mind is the devil’s worship. Well in this case your idle mind is a pain to your boyfriend, it’s not your fault but hear me out. Get busy darling, get busy. There are 24 hours in the day. I am sure there is something that you can do that doesn’t involve you picking up the phone and calling your boyfriend.

Do some searching on Google about hobbies, you can search for activities near me or activities for women in my area.

Spend time with your friends

If you have a small group of friends why not make the time to do something with them? Yes, I know everyone is busy but doing an activity once a month is bound to be fun. Seeing as you have a lot of free time on your hands why not be the one who plans what you guys will do? Start a book club on a monthly lunch outing, this is something nice that you can look forward to.

If you don’t have any friends, this is the perfect time to go out and make some. I know it’s intimidating but it’s better than feeling like a burden every time you call your boyfriend.

Understand his personality

If he is a good guy and this is the only thing that bothers you about the relationship then keep him around but do your best to get to know him and understand him. You don’t want to walk around thinking my boyfriend says I don’t understand him. He might not even be annoyed at you calling but because of the person that he is his words are coming across as rude. So what kind of person is he?

Does he love to be alone, did he grow up without any siblings? When he is around you does he talk a lot? Was he bullied when he was young? You know these kinds of questions will help you understand the type of man that he is.

Look out for red flags

You are calling him, not asking him to give you a heart transplant, he should not be angry about this. Should he seem angry, this could be a red flag, if you are the only one who calls then it’s a big danger zone, you shouldn’t be the only one who puts in the effort.

Speaking about red flags a Reddit user chimed in and advised about a similar situation and this is what they said:

“He is being very direct in telling you the level of effort he is willing to put into this relationship, and act accordingly”.

Find a guy who doesn’t mind phone calls

Why should you settle for a guy who is bothered when you call him? Unless you call him every thirty minutes, communicating throughout the day is not wrong. Even if you are his first girlfriend, or he is an introvert or he has not been in a serious relationship for a long time he should be able to compromise.

Men know that we women love signs of affection and calling is one of these signs. If he has a problem, why not find a boyfriend who won’t mind you calling?

There are plenty of well-balanced men who won’t mind, there are men who also love to call their girlfriends throughout the day, find yourself one of these.

Don’t retaliate

It’s easy to take this personally and decide that you will never call him again, that is childish behavior, it’s understandable that you would want to hurt his feelings by never picking up the phone.

If he tells you his reasons and they sound acceptable it doesn’t mean that you cannot call him but limit the amount of times that you do.

Am I calling my boyfriend too much?

If you are calling your partner more than five times a day without them initiating contact then yes you are doing too much. Allow your partner to have his or her space, and give your partner the chance to also call you that way the relationship is not one-sided.

Should I call him every day?

Yes, you can call your partner every day because it can help with the following:

  • Calling your partner can make you closer
  • Calling your partner will give you more understanding of their needs
  • You get to understand each other’s love language
  • You can an insight into their routine
  • It helps the relationship grow faster

Is calling your partner every day too much?

Calling your partner too much can signal two things; the first is that you might be clingy and calling your partner is a way of monitoring what they are doing and you are codependent. The second is that you don’t have activities to do during the daytime.

How many times should I call my boyfriend in a day?

Calling your boyfriend works differently for couples, it’s best to talk about what you think is suitable for both of you. Calling at the beginning and the end of the day is considered fine, but some couples don’t mind calling each other throughout the day.

How do I stop calling my boyfriend too much?

Find things to do with your time, schedule your day so that you know what you are doing and at what time. Make time for your friends, family, and yourself, if you are calling him because you are bored find an activity to do that will fill your time.

In the end

Calling is a way of expressing your love, but calling too much can be a way to drive a rift between the two of you, so communicate with him and make him understand why you do this. If his love language is not what you are looking for or what you are used to, maybe take a little break.