Ambition can be defined as a desire to achieve something, everyone has their definition of what this means to them. When your boyfriend says that you lack direction does this mean that you have to be a boss babe, posting pictures of yourself in a suit on Instagram for him to think that you want to achieve great things?
What if that is not you, buying a big house, and getting a huge salary are just not your thing. And guess what? It’s okay.
The issue comes in when he says your lack of ambition is holding him back. Have a look at the reasons why he says this, and try some of our solutions.
My Boyfriend Says I Have No Ambition (9 Reasons Why)
He says you have no ambition because you don’t plan for your future you are also not interested in getting a better job, money, or furthering your education.
You never plan for the future
Although you are alive and kicking you have no idea what you are going to do with your life. You don’t have any plans, hopes, or dreams. When he asks you to plan your future with him your go-to answer is “ I don’t know”. When someone asks you what you intend to do in the next five years your answer is “I don’t know”.
You do not want a better job
You are content with working at the same job earning the same salary, you don’t think about applying for jobs at other companies nor are you interested in doing so. You never ask your boss for a raise, you also couldn’t be bothered with workplace training or anything that will mean more work for you.
You put in the bare minimum
This applies to every area of your life. If your boss wants you to put in 60% effort you do exactly that with no compromise for going higher. If you have to go to the gym and your gym class is only one hour you stay for that hour and nothing more, you don’t think of doing an extra 10 minutes here or there. If your school exams need you to get 45% to pass, you make sure that you learn enough to get 45% nothing higher.
You also do this with your friendships. When your friend is hosting a party and the party starts at 6 pm and ends at 10 pm you arrive at 6 pm and make it a point to leave at 10 pm. You don’t offer to help out or stay behind after everyone has gone, you operate at the bare minimum across the board.
You are always broke
Money forms a big part of ambition because people who save and budget have plans for what they will do with that money. These plans are usually things like buying a house, or car or starting a business. But not you, you don’t budget nor have you ever budgeted, you are always broke before the end of the month and the person who typically bails you out is your parents or boyfriend.
Your goals always change
You try, but you can’t stick to anything, one minute you want to go back to school to be a chef, and the next minute you want to be an accountant. Being ambitious means you make a decision and stick with it no matter how unsure you are of that decision. Your inconsistency and distracted mind are what is making him say that you have no direction. Focus, darling, focus.
He feels you are dragging him down
Because of your lack of ambition, your lack of financial planning, and your lack of zest for life he feels like you are dragging him down. Your boyfriend wants to know if the future mother of his children, you, is going to be strong enough to handle things should something happen to him.
He also wants the reassurance that should he lose his job, you would be financially responsible enough so that you guys don’t lose everything. He doesn’t want to be the only one who is thinking ahead.
You look to him for leadership
He is your prince charming, the ying to your yan, and literally the ruler of your life. You have a problem with deciding anything. You come across as having no personality or he thinks you are boring because when he pushes you to do something about your life you always look at him and say “ What do you think of this, should I apply to this job?” or “ I don’t know what course I should study, you can pick for me”.
You don’t have the same goals in life
He feels like you are happy with your job, you are happy with the salary that you earn, and you are happy with just the way things are, and this is alright darling. He might have the goal of owning his own business and the goal might not be something you are interested in.
He might have dreams of being a doctor and starting a family abroad. While you can’t see yourself living far away from your friends and family let alone living in a foreign country.
You only care about socializing
My darling if you are out at the club from Wednesday to Sunday when will you get the time to be ambitious? Between drinking vodka, wine, or whiskey you will be too hungover to think ahead. I don’t blame you if I was also partying five days a week I would have never started Her Darling life.
If you are guilty of this, you have the answer, this is why he thinks you have no ambition. Seriously darling, if you do this he has a point when will you have time to plan for your future?
Unless your future is to own a club, remember what Rihanna said: “Cheers to the freakin’ weekend I drink to that, yeah-e-yeah, Oh, let the Jameson sink in. I drink to that, yeah-e-yeah”.
My Boyfriend Says I Have No Ambition
It’s okay if you don’t have a solid plan or ambition but to solve this be kind to yourself and take the time to figure out what you want, ask him for his input and if you are happy with where you are in life, maybe the two of you are not compatible.
Be kind to yourself
Suppose you recently graduated from university this is your time to enjoy yourself, get your first big-girl job, and go out a lot. Don’t let him pressure you into missing out on the most important years of your life.
After this time you will be overwhelmed with real-life responsibilities such as paying a mortgage, school fees, and saving for retirement. If he doesn’t understand the stage of your life that you are in think about tossing him aside.
Darling even if you are in your 30s, 40s, or 50s and dating, don’t let him pressure you into putting your life together the way he thinks you need to. Don’t beat yourself up because life is about reinventing yourself, you reinvent yourself several times throughout your life.
Don’t be a pushover
If he is at a stage in his life where he wants to settle down and you are not mentally there yet, it’s okay. He might manipulate you by saying you are too young to date him because he wants you to do what he wants. If he wants to buy a house to be all grown up and you don’t, darling hold onto your independence and don’t do it. Don’t let him influence your decisions just so that you can prove to him that you have ambition, you don’t have to.
Take a step back
You don’t want to spend another year or five years with your boyfriend knowing fully well that you guys have different goals in life. If you know in your heart that what he is aiming for is not what you are aiming for, take a step back and journal how you feel.
Certain decisions will make or break any relationship, staying with him because he is your high school sweetheart is delaying the inevitable. You don’t have to be Oprah Winfrey if you have housewife ambitions or housewife dreams it’s perfectly acceptable you have to communicate this to your boyfriend. If he wants to be a digital nomad and live in Thailand and you don’t, you have to decide what you are going to do.
Once you have journaled and your mind concludes I love him but we are not compatible, have a chat with him. He might be thinking I love her but we are not compatible
Trusts your instincts
You don’t have to know everything, but you do have to try your best to achieve a few of your goals. When it comes to your relationship and your life it’s okay to future things out. You don’t have to spend the whole weekend locked in your room and writing out your five-year plan.
Think about what he says
Shame, let’s think about this, if he says you have no ambition because he is always supporting everything that you want to do but you are not consistent and you change your mind every month can you see why he feels this way?
If the both of you have spoken about a certain diffraction in the future and he is staying on course but you don’t take it seriously, can you see why he feels this way? If your boyfriend is doing all that he can to ensure that you have a solid foundation put yourself in his shoes.
How would you feel if you were doing all that you could ensure the both of you have a good future and all he did was watch Netflix all day? Your first thought would be my boyfriend is unemployed and unmotivated, I am going to dump him.
Try and look at it from his point of view, Would you date a guy with no ambition? If you were doing all that you can to secure your financial future?
Work on something that you love
At the end of the day, you are going to have to work on something, that something must ideally have longer-term sustainable results. You can even involve your boyfriend and ask him for his support, but this must be a goal, a plan a dream that you will stick with and be consistent for years to come. Don’t be afraid of making a decision, even if you make the wrong one, it will still work out in the end.
Discover your ambitions
Darling swallows your pride, does he have a point when he says you have no ambition, is he telling the truth and your ego is getting in the way of you progressing? It’s okay to need help, there are plenty of resources such as “online therapy, online life coach, and you if want to see a professional offline you can Google life coach near me”.
Is lack of ambition a deal breaker?
A lack of ambition can be a deal breaker for some but not everyone. Some people want a partner that has dreams and ambition, couples in relationships should communicate expectations and reach an understanding.
What does it mean when someone says you have no ambition?
It means you don’t have the desire to achieve anything beyond what you have. You are happy with your job, life, or current situation, and don’t aspire for anything more. This can be the result of anxiety or feelings of overwhelm.
To wrap it up
Ambition is a personal thing, only you get to decide how ambitious you get, the best course of action is to think about the things that you want to achieve with or without your boyfriend. Who knows the more you think about it, you might realize you are okay with your life, and your boyfriend is the one who needs to be fine with the little bit of ambition you have. Not everyone can be Elon Musk.