It’s common for women who are confident, authoritative, and high achievers to be called difficult, most of these comments will come from men. Your boyfriend can say that you are difficult when he feels challenged, unhappy, or intimidated by your behavior.
It’s one of those relationship hurdles we have to go through, but remember there is a difference between you being difficult for no reason and your boyfriend saying this to make himself feel better about feeling inadequate.
Let’s look at the reasons why he says that you are difficult and some of the things that you can do.
My Boyfriend Says I’m Difficult (9 Reasons Why)
Your boyfriend says you are difficult for several reasons: He feels like you don’t give him a chance to make decisions or express himself, your relationship has a communication breakdown or he is not used to dating a woman like you, all of his ex-girlfriends did what he wanted them to do so he feels as if you challenge him in a bad way.
He is referring to the relationship
You might not be the difficult one but the relationship dynamics might be. So what does this mean? Maybe the relationship has reached a point where the two of you are always fighting, spending time together is no longer romantic or fun. When the both of you have to do something as a couple you would rather hang out with your friends, the same goes for him.
You never agree to anything that he wants
You always make everything about you, you love being treated like a princess, and you never compromise on anything that he wants to do. His way of dealing with being frustrated in this relationship is to call you difficult.
When he suggests that you do something on the weekend, your answer is “No, let’s do what I want to do ”, if this is you, I am sure that you can see why he says you are difficult.
There is something that he wants
The mind games again, darling, this is what we call cheap psychology, he might be trying to get you to do or not do something. It’s his way of making you give up asking him questions or anything that would make him feel uncomfortable.
He is used to being treated a certain way
Your boyfriend might be used to getting his way, he has always dated girls who have done what he liked and he has always been the driver in his relationships. Then you come into the picture all confident, and self-assured, and you may sometimes challenge him and tell him NO. If this is the case it will be hard for him to get past the fact that you are not like his ex-girlfriends.
Both of you can’t communicate
My boyfriend and I don’t understand each other…. And that could be the problem darling, he says that you don’t understand him and you say that he doesn’t understand you. It could be that both of you are awful communicators and haven’t figured out a way to effectively communicate.
When you guys fight, both or one of you refuses to talk to come up with solutions. You might be thinking he is difficult to deal with, not me, and vice versa. You can see how difficult it can be to be with someone who sometimes acts like a child and who doesn’t want to talk about relationship problems.
He is asserting control
You might be the successful one in the relationship, you might have more money than he does, more friends, and just a person that everyone wants to be around. He might be using the words “you are difficult” as a way to tame you to get you to lose your girl power because he thinks he is a burden. Your boyfriend will do this if he feels threatened by you and has no way to assert himself or doesn’t know how.
You don’t open up to him
If you have been in bad relationships you will find it hard to open up, if you have met a great guy who wants to love and take care of you but you don’t let him in, guess what? he will say that you are being difficult.
Let’s use an example, if your boyfriend has been doing everything in his power to show you that you are the one that he loves, but because of your past experiences, you automatically question everything he says.
You find yourself always accusing him of cheating or pretending to love you. In this case, yes darling you are being difficult, difficult to love.
He was angry at that moment
When did he say that you are being difficult, and was his tone serious or playful, did you perhaps interpret what he said the wrong way? Even if his tone of voice was serious he might not have meant it. At that moment he felt that you were being difficult but it’s not to say that you are always a difficult girlfriend, but just in that one moment you were.
He is looking for a way out
Remember that men are sneaky creatures but they also don’t have a backbone, have you ever heard of ghosting? When you never hear from the other person again? Well, that might be the case, he has not ghosted you but he doesn’t have it in him to break up with you and he says that you are difficult as a way of laying the foundation for when he dumps you. This way he can have an excuse to say” Yes, I told you that you are difficult, and I don’t want to be with you anymore”
My Boyfriend Says I’m Difficult (5 Things You Must Do)
When he says that you are difficult, find out what he means and if you are at fault apologize and ask him to be lenient as you try to correct your behavior. If he is saying this to be mean or bring down your self-confidence you must tell him to stop his behavior.
Don’t run from the problem
You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge, I got the line from watching the Dr Phil show, but he is right. Are you the difficult one in the relationship? Remember that becoming angry or annoyed easily or even getting upset easily in a relationship is normal.
What’s not normal is pouting for weeks on end. Do you let him make decisions or do you love taking over? Is it your way or the highway? If you have this problem, apologize and do your best not to do it again.
Learn to communicate
Why can’t relationships be so simple, why can’t we telepathically communicate it would be so much easier. But it’s not, darling, learn to communicate when you are unhappy tell him how you feel, if you don’t trust him with a decision instead of taking over tell him why. If you suspect that he is using the “ You are difficult “ speech to get away with bad behavior you must address this.
If you find this hard to do you can look at relationship books for couples, ideally, find books that you can read together to learn how to communicate.
Be on your own
You don’t want to be in a relationship that has the potential of holding you back, if you are ambitious, confident, and a go-getter, don’t shrink yourself to fit into whatever character your boyfriend wants you to. If you have to be on your own, to progress and maintain your independence, do so, changing who you are because you are being called difficult is not worth it.
Ask him to understand
The beauty of this is that it can be fixed, if you are the troublemaker and you are thinking to yourself, I want my boyfriend to understand me, ask him to understand that it might take you time to let go of the behaviors that make you difficult. If he is the problem, and he apologizes, give him the time and space to work on what makes him the difficult one.
Give him the benefit of the doubt
You don’t want to lose a man who keeps trying to be with you but all you do is be difficult, give him a chance, and try to let your guard down because he might be feeling frustrated at your lack of openness.
What is the meaning of a difficult woman?
When a woman is called difficult it usually means that she is ambitious, self-assured, a risk taker who knows what she wants, and she stands up for herself and challenges anyone whom she doesn’t agree with. Some people can be intimidated by this and see this as being defiant or arrogant.
What does difficult mean in a relationship?
Difficult in a relationship could mean the inability to community, compromise, or understand what the other partner wants or feels. Individuals may feel like their feelings are not taken into consideration or their opinions are not heard.
What does it mean when a guy says you’re difficult?
It means that he cannot easily get you to do what he wants or expects of you, you question him and demand answers in the relationship. It could also mean that he is upset because you want everything to be done your way.
In the end
It’s hard to wrap my head around your boyfriend calling you difficult without an explanation, he needs to fess up and tell you what he means so that if the situation can be resolved you get it over and done with. But if he is saying this to avoid something or make you doubt yourself in some way, then I would consider this a red flag, all the best darling.