Your boyfriend wanting you to be more independent is great because this means he wants the best for you and the way that you get the best for yourself is by going out and doing things that you love.
It’s normal to cling to your boyfriend because, well, he is your boyfriend but basing everything around him and the relationship is a dangerous move. What happens if you break up? Does this mean you will have to restart your entire life because your life revolves around him?
You can only benefit from being more independent, so check out the reasons why he is saying this and we have a few solutions for you to try.
My Boyfriend Wants Me To Be More Independent (9 Reasons)
He wants you to be more independent because you are sometimes clingy and your world revolves around him. You also dont make decisions, you wait for his approval on things and you also dont have friends.
You never make decisions on your own
Your decisions are not your own but are influenced either by him or other people around you. He sometimes says that you have no personality because you wait for him or others to make a plan. You never come up with an original thought.
You dont have a plan for your future
He sometimes thinks you have no ambition because you blissfully walk through life with no plans for the future, when the new year comes around you dont write down any goals. You dont know what you want to do or where you want to be in a few years. However, you go along with whatever your boyfriend says about the future. If he says that you guys will be doing this or that you are fine with it, no questions asked.
You dont have a bank account
I hope this is not you, but some people dont have a bank account, not because there is no bank where they live but because everything is done for them. If your family and your boyfriend financially support you, you might not see a need for a bank account.
I mean why have to pay extra fees when they can take care of you? Having a bank account is a good sign that you are independent, and if you dont own one, your boyfriend is right.
You ask him to buy you everything
Even if you have your own money and your work you always ask your boyfriend to buy you everything. From your toiletries to concert tickets to putting gas in your car. In your defense, you might do this because we have been taught that a man must take care of his woman, but not in this day and age darling. Asking him to buy you everything is a clear sign that you are not independent because independent women take care of business.
Your family is still supporting you financially
Unless you are still a student or you have fallen on hard times your family should not be supporting you financially, when will you learn to stand on your own two feet?
He might be concerned about your level of independence if you are over the age of 21 and you still run to mommy and daddy for pocket money.
He wants a future with you
Every guy wants an independent woman because an independent woman usually makes a good wife. No man wants a woman who is overly dependent on him because how will she manage the household if they have kids? Will she still run to him for every decision?
If your boyfriend intends on marrying you he wants you to be independent so that he knows in the event the two of you get married and god forbid something happens to him you will still be able to take care of the family.
You dont have friends
You follow him around everywhere, before work he has to call you, during work he has to call you and after work, he has to call you because you dont have a life of your own. Your world revolves around you and him, you have no female friendship support system that you can hang out with.
Can you see how suffocated he must feel? It is not that he doesn’t love you but being independent and having your group of friends is healthy, it’s never a good idea to isolate and only focus on your relationship.
You dont have hobbies
You dont have any hobbies because his hobbies are your hobbies. You dont have any interests or talents that you want to pursue. If he says that he is joining a music class you follow him because you dont have a hobby.
If he says that he is joining a chess club you follow him because once again, you dont have a hobby of your own. Can you see why independence is important?
You are clingy
There may be many reasons why your life suddenly revolves around your boyfriend. If you are afraid that he might leave you, you might start to develop patterns of behaviors that are not good.
You might not be independent because subconsciously you dont want to lose him. In your mind, you think the more you hold onto him and the less independent you are the stronger your relationship will be and this is not always the case.
My Boyfriend Wants Me To Be More Independent: How Do I Show My BF I’m Independent?
You can be more independent by trusting your instincts and making decisions that benefit you. You can also do this by setting personal goals for yourself and finding, friends, hobbies, and interests that have nothing to do with your boyfriend.
Learn to trust your instincts
Make your own decisions even if you make the wrong one it will still work out in the end and even if it doesn’t work out at least you will have learned. You dont have to check with him about every decision especially if it’s a decision that only has to do with your life and not the relationship.
Be more sociable
Going out and having fun with your boyfriend is all fine and dandy until you guys break up and you find yourself all alone with no friends because you dedicated all your free time to loving him. You have to be social, you have to have your group of friends so that you can have a life that is separate from your relationship with him.
This is a huge part of being independent it’s never healthy to be with your partner all the time, it is cute at first but it gets annoying as time goes on.
Buy your own essentials
It is cute and romantic when a guy buys you things but as we can see over here guys do get tired of being the ones to buy everything. If you depend on him for everything you need to find a way to eliminate some of the financial burden that you might or might not have placed on him.
If you live together and you are unemployed and can’t find a job how about you get a part-time job or a temp job in the meantime even if it’s to buy yourself toiletries and food?
Go out without him
If you dont have any friends learn to enjoy your own company, and even if you do have friends being on your own is not a bad thing. This means planning activities for yourself, going to places without him, and having fun.
Focus on a hobby he doesn’t like
Get busy, and find a hobby, one that doesn’t involve him. If he loves playing golf and so do you, find a golf club that he is not a member of. Do things that are fun, interesting, and stimulating without involving each other.
Dont wait for him
Dont wait for him and dont plan everything around him. If you want to go to a concert and he is busy, well go to that concert anyway. If he is late for a fun event, go without him, he will find you at the venue. Continue your life, dont want around from him, he will meet you where he is supposed to meet you.
Set personal goals
Set goals that are aligned with what you want to do, it’s okay to have him at the back of your mind when planning your goals but they should be personal. When you write your goals down avoid using phrases like “ we will go” These are your goals so use phrases like “ I will go”. You are not leaving him behind, you are prioritizing yourself which is what he wanted to begin with.
Talk to him
Have an honest discussion on why he says that he wants you to be independent. This discussion is mainly for you so that you are aware of some of the things that you do that dont sit right with him. And in any case, if the relationship doesn’t work out you will walk away with relationship tips for your future boyfriend so you know what to do and what not to do.
Create boundaries
Oh, darling I know it is hard to create boundaries when you are in a serious and loving relationship but you have to. You need to have a life outside of the relationship and he needs to have one too.
Dont mix your lives to such an extent that if you break up you will have to start your entire life from scratch. This means making new friends because you share friends, getting new hobbies and interests, and even setting up a bank account because you had a shared one.
Dont be offended
Him telling you that he wants you to be independent is a good thing, at least he is honest. He could have kept quiet and broken up with you and given you no explanation. But instead, he chooses to speak up because he still wants to be in a relationship with you.
Dont take offense and dont personalize what he says too much. This is not an attack on you as a person, but rather a behavior that you need to change.
How does independence affect relationships?
It’s good to be independent when you are in a relationship it is considered healthy, relaying on yourself and not too much on your partner is a good sign of a healthy attitude. Being too dependent can cause unhealthy dynamics such as abusive behaviors, isolation, and lack of personal goals.
Can you grow independently while in a relationship?
Yes, you can grow independently while in a relationship, you can do this by respecting each other’s goals and boundaries. Dont be too clingy and give your partner space to pursue what interests them.
To wrap it up
It’s time to shift gears, focus on you, and claim your independence. It’s good that you love him and want the relationship to work, but being independent is what will work in your favor. Do things that make you happy, and make decisions for you while still being a good, loving, and loyal girlfriend.