“ You don’t respect me, I want you to respect me, give me respect, do what I say” Whoooo darling is this how your boyfriend demands respect, is this how he asks you to understand him? If my boyfriend spoke to me like that I also wouldn’t respect him.
But wait a moment, does he have a point? Do you belittle him in front of his friends, do you make all the decisions in the relationship? Maybe he is right you don’t respect him.
Just in case you are not sure why he says you don’t respect him (yawn), look at all the possible reasons, and because this is a serious issue, scroll down to the solutions to find out what you have to do.
My Boyfriend Says I Don’t Respect Him (7 Reasons Why He Says This)
He says that you don’t respect him for several reasons: He might be a victimizer and has unrealistic expectations of you as his girlfriend, he was disrespected in his past relationships or you did something that made him feel like you don’t respect him.
He is a victimizer
If he has a master’s degree in victimizing you, then the word respect for him means to obey. People who fall into this category have a huge need for control. Why you ask? That’s because he loves the feeling of being the man, he wants you to do what he says when he wants it done, and how he wants it to be done. Oh darling this can have a bad ending.
You won’t listen to him
I have to play the devil’s advocate here and look at this from all angles, just because he says you don’t respect him doesn’t entirely mean he is on a power trip. If you want to always be treated like a princess and make everything about you he might be onto something and indeed you don’t show him respect.
He is not talking about walking barefoot in the kitchen and serving him a can of root beer float or pouring him a glass of anejo tequila. He is referring to listening to him and valuing his opinions.
You second-guess him
I understand that you want to make all the decisions in your relationship because let’s face it, men can be absent-minded and we as women are level-headed most of the time. But if you have to decide everything that you do, every outing that you go to, or the food that you guys buy, then you are second-guessing him. To be fair if you do this all the time, he most likely feels like a passenger and not your equal. ‘
He is too sensitive
You might have done nothing wrong and your relationship is what we call a match made in heaven kind of like a Julia Roberts and Daniel Moder match, oh wait that’s not a match made in heaven. More like Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart, now we are talking.
He might be a man who wears his heart on his sleeve, he might just be very sensitive, and anything that you do sets off alarm bells in his head.
He might also have had a bad experience with his past girlfriends so anything that you do that silently resembles the disrespect that he experienced makes him panic.
His friends have influenced him
Your boyfriend might not have even been aware of this “so-called disrespect” he might have been fine with the relationship, but not his friends.
Some people are naturally jealous of happy couples and if your boyfriend cooks for you, rubs your feet, or helps you clean the house his friends might see him as being weak.
This happens more than you realize one or all of his friends might have whispered in his ear and said “ You are too soft on your girlfriend, my girlfriend cooks and cleans I do nothing, don’t let your girlfriend disrespect you”.
His culture is influencing him
If you come from India, South Africa, or even Nigeria you will know how much of an influence culture has on how a man defines respect. Some cultures have certain behaviors that dictate how a woman and a man should act.
If your man is from a culture says drives home the point of the man being the head of the household then you have your answer, his culture is influencing what he says.
You have told him that you don’t respect him
Think back darling, maybe in the heat of the moment during an argument you told him that you have zero respect for him. I know you didn’t mean to but here we are. If you told him you have no respect for him even if you were joking your words have hurt him deeply.
My Boyfriend Says I Don’t Respect Him (9 Things You Have To Do)
If he says this, you must ask him how you did not respect him, he needs to give you examples of what you did or said. If you feel like this relationship is getting toxic or you don’t think you can live up to his expectations of respect you need to leave.
Ask him how you are disrespecting him
If the relationship is going to work he needs to at least give you a clue of how you don’t respect him. You need examples of times, dates, or situations so that you can explain yourself. Maybe he took what you did or said out of context but you won’t know what he is talking about unless you ask him.
Learn about his background
Ask him about how he grew up, who played a role in his upbringing, and how this has impacted him today. You will gain a lot of insight into some of the things that he does or doesn’t do. If you do this he will go from saying that you don’t understand him to saying that you are the perfect girlfriend
But wait….. most importantly you will see if this is the kind of man you want to spend a long time with. What if his culture says that for a woman to show respect she must wash her man’s feet? Imagine doing all of that LOL…..
Give him space
Some men equate respect with boundaries, it’s cute to be around your boyfriend all the time but all that togetherness gets tired quickly. He loves you but there are boundaries for couples and these boundaries also apply to you.
His definition of respect might have to do with you being too attached so ask yourself am I clingy girlfriend or am I too needy as a girlfriend? If there answer is yes, address those problems darling address these problems.
Get the definition
Ask him to define respect in a relationship, or what gaining respect in a relationship is to him. For all you know, he expects you to call him king and has a whole girlfriend duties list.
I hope he doesn’t have a huge list of demands but if he does sit with him and compile a list of duties of a girlfriend to her boyfriend and a second list of duties of a boyfriend to his girlfriend. If both of you are happy then Bob is your uncle.
Do what he suggests
Let him pick out your activities and what you will do and see how it turns out. He is your partner and there is nothing wrong with letting him take control of some things even if you know you will do a better job of deciding.
Pause
There is no need to put on an apron and go into the kitchen and cook a meal enough to feed the whole of New York because he thinks that is what you need to do. There is also no need to check with him on every decision that you make, it’s your life and he is not your husband yet.
Aknlowdge your mistakes
If you have disrespected him then you have disrespected him, no amount of pouting or batting your eyelids will take away from the wrong that you did. At least now you know what you have done, it is time to be a big girl and admit when you don’t respect him, A simple ” I am sorry for not respecting you in this situation” will do.
Ask him to pick
If he says that you don’t respect him because of something his friends or family have said then you need to clear this up. He can either trust that you respect him or listen to what his friends and everyone around him say, the choice is his. Remember it’s never a good idea to give anyone an ultimatum to do this if you cannot see the relationship progressing.
Leave him
Ay, there’s a difference between respect and respect, if what he wants is borderline possessive, unrealistic, and demeaning, we are talking about another level of respect. Respect that is unattainable, respect that will put him in power, and respect that is not good for your mental health.
You have to go, if the respect that he is talking about means that you wash his feet, do everything that he says, when he says it, and immediately and there is a threat, you have to leave my darling.
How do you know if you respect your man?
How To Show A Man Respect ( 11 Ways To Do This)
- Don’t judge him
- Allow him the space to confide in you
- Give him time and space to spend with his friends and family
- Don’t shout or yell unnecessarily
- Take the time to look good for him
- Ask him about his opinions
- Defend him when he is not around
- Respect his boundaries
- Don’t make everything about you
- Say sorry when you are in the wrong
- Don’t make him second-guess your commitment to the relationship
When A Man Says You Don’t Respect Him?
When he says this talk to him and find out what he is referring to, is there something that you have done or didn’t do that has made him say this about you? Consider what he says see if his points are reasonable and try to come to a mutual understanding.
In conclusion
There is a difference between asking and demanding respect, you are allowed to define respect in a relationship with whatever works for you. There are good boundaries to set in a relationship but both of you must respect them. If he shows signs of being controlling, maybe cut the cord for now…or for good?