So you were one of those kids who only ever had friends at school? Your parents never let you have the childhood that you think you deserve. Most of your childhood was spent making up excuses as to why you couldn’t invite friends over to your house or why you couldn’t go out with your friends and eventually, everyone stopped inviting you to places, scrolling through your phone book it suddenly hits you, you have no one to call, you have no friends and its all because of your parents, does this sound familiar?
Although very embarrassing it’s not your fault, so think of this as a lesson in what not to do in the future with your kids or when you have kids. But let’s sort out the issue at hand, how can you get over the fact that you don’t have friends because of your parents?
8 Things you must do when you do not have friends because of your parents
Get in touch with old friends you had to let go of because of your parents, you should also talk to your parents and let them know what the impact of their strict parenting had on your ability to make friends.
Don’t blame yourself
We are not living on Mars or Jupiter where creatures appear out of nowhere, you didn’t create yourself, you were created by your parents and they had a role in the person that you are today. Their strict parenting and behavior resulted in the socially awkward person that you have become. When they refused to give you space to flourish as a teenager it made you socially isolate yourself because no one wanted to be your friend because, let’s face it, you were never allowed to go anywhere. And if by God’s grace, they let you have a bit of fun, you had to be home before the real fun even started. It is not your fault, don’t carry other people’s monkeys.
Don’t repeat the same mistake
Don’t do it, don’t let your parent’s mistakes trickle down to the way that you parent your kids or future kids. It’s easy to want to protect your children from the trauma that you have experienced but don’t let your protection turn into a vicious cycle of generation after generation of your family not having any friends.
Overly strict parents have good intentions their style of parenting comes from a place of wanting the best for their children, but some parents never let go and this creates adults who suffer from the psychological effects of strict parents.
Talk to your parents
I know you don’t want to hear this but at some point, you will have to confront the pink elephant in the room, you have to raise this with your parents and ask them why they were strict. Your parents have to know the impact that they had on the person you are. Overly strict parents have no idea that they are creating adults who might have a hard time with interpersonal relationships, so your dad or your mom have to take accountability and you have to make them aware of that. Hearing them apologize will not make everything magically fine, but it will give you the sense of closure you so strongly need to be able to move on and form new friendships, don’t underestimate the freedom that you will have when you do this.
There are many incidents where people share their overprotective parents’ stories, and a common theme is that having overprotective parents can result in their children not being able to form long-lasting friendships, I mean how could you, when you were not allowed to go anywhere?
Get in Touch with old friends
You would be surprised at the number of people who will be happy that you called or sent them a message on social media. Maybe you lost a few friends along the way because your parents were very strict, now that you are older I can almost bet not only will your former friends be happy to hear from you but, they will tell you they understood what you were going through and you are not to blame.
Friendship tip: Be honest, send a message a tell your former friends how sorry you are to have let the friendship slide, but growing up with parents who never let you do anything impacted how you interacted with them, and if you are still living in the same city or town, you can invite them for a drink and follow up once or twice, give it a go.
Reclaim your life
Avoid spending the rest of your life thinking of how things could have panned out if your parents never destroyed your chances of making friends, even if you had friends maybe there would have been something else in your life that would contribute to your unhappiness. Okay, you have no friends, and yes it is because of your parents, but you also need to move on. Don’t spend your life stuck inside your head thinking they should have, would have, or could have.
Reclaim parts of your life that you can still change, you can start by loving your newfound wisdom and going from there. Sure you can say to yourself I blame my parents for everything, and that is okay, but you have a chance to turn your friendless situation around.
Give yourself a break
It might not look like it but you’re doing the best that you can, you cannot help the fact that you were dealt a tough hand by having parents who never allowed you to have any friends, even if they did, they might have created a socially awkward child with the way that they parented you and that’s why you have no friends.
Hang out with your partner’s friends
Having a boyfriend is not only great for all the hugs and kisses but it’s a shortcut to making friends, granted in the beginning they are not your friends but who says they can’t be? The best way to do this is to start by going out with your partner and his friends and then suggesting a double date or a get-together for all the couples, I have done this before and all the boyfriends will agree and they will bring their girlfriends.
Friendship tip: When the said day arrives, ask one of the guys if they can ask their girlfriend to come over and help you prepare the dinner, that will give you a chance to get to know one of them, quickly. When all the other girls arrive include everyone, and get the girls to make the drinks or coffee, anything to create a group atmosphere.
Look for a place to stay
If you are still living with your parents the only way to deal with this is to suck it up and bide your time until you can support yourself. Practice self-control and keep your head down, this means doing what your parents want even if it means not having any friends. Yes, it is very hard but unless your parents allow you to be yourself, you have to go with the flow.
Is it Okay to not have friends?
Yes, it is okay, many people do not have friends, but life without friends can be hard, you need interpersonal relationships however for your well being it is never a good idea to go long periods without any social interaction, try and have a small group of friends you see once in a while.
In the end
Millions of people are alone because their strict parents cost them, friends, the good news is that you hopefully won’t stay with your parents forever, and by the time you are ready to make friends, you will be better equipped with the emotional tools needed to maintain life long friendships, let me know how it goes.