My mother never thinks she’s wrong she always wants to be right, I have heard those words many times from our readers, and if you are reading this you may be one of them. Taking accountability is something that comes with admitting your wrongs and sadly some people WILL NEVER admit that they are wrong just like your dear mom.
There is a mountain of reasons for this, and a few things you can do, we have narrowed it down to the most effective responses to the situation.
8 Things you can do when you mom never takes accountability
If your mom refuses to take accountability you must talk to her and let her know that her actions are hurting you, if she still doesn’t change keep the interaction to the bare minimum and focus on the positive things in your life.
Hold her accountable
A lot of people have a problem with their mother avoiding taking any accountability, but in defense of the mom, they don’t know about it. If you have not spoken to your mom, she cannot magically know she does this. Mothers are also human, and some people grew up in situations where they had to make do with what they had.
So what does this mean?
Don’t give your mom a free pass on the things that she does that hurt your feelings, hold her accountable in a firm but kind manner, bearing in mind that she is still your mom. Yes, she is your mom but that does not mean she is exempt from apologizing or changing whatever she is doing. If she demands respect then her actions have to be in line with the care that she insists on, she cannot demand something that she also does not give, if you don’t speak up at least once, then she will assume that what is she doing is okay with you.
Don’t give her attention
Pay it dust, or let it slide, whatever you do, don’t give her the satisfaction of knowing that you are hurt.
Some people like your mom thrive on making people very sad and miserable, it’s her drug of choice to illicit a reaction from you so that she feels and knows that her behavior still affects you. This is her dopamine fix and girl you are her drug of choice. Your attention to the situation and your reaction will inevitably give her a feeling of superiority, and this will lead to her actions being louder and bolder, the more she knows that she can get under your skin with her lack of accountability for her actions, the MORE she will do it.
What is the result?
This will end up with her using manipulative tactics such as guilt tripping you into staying or even worse, ending up making YOU accountable for things SHE should be taking responsibility for.
Accept the person that she is
The sooner you accept the person that she is the better for you, once you accept that she will never take accountability you will begin to realize that her behavior is no reflection on you or the person that you are working on becoming.
How will this help?
Accepting her for who she is will give you the freedom to work on yourself and free you from thinking you have to take on the responsibility of saving your mother or giving her a lot of chances to acknowledge her behavior when you know that she will never take accountability for anything. Your mother’s lack of accepting responsibility is not your burden to bear and should not be, you will be creating and victim and savior type of relationship. This means your mom will always play the victim and you, the savior will always the accountability for the things she should do.
Learn to forgive
Learning to forgive your mom goes hand in hand with accepting that she will never change. When you forgive your mom you also see the situation for what it is. Maybe your mom grew up with a mother who was toxic and also never took accountability, her behaviors and actions are the only things that she knows, it’s how she learned to survive, lucky for you this is not how you want to turn out.
Once you forgive her, then it’s time to truly move on and focus on yourself. You can do this by setting boundaries on what you can and cannot tolerate from her. Stick to those boundaries and make it clear that you forgive her, but moving forward she needs to know her place.
How do you move on?
You can do this with the help of a professional, if that’s not what you want to do you can write a secret letter to your mom telling her everything that you have wanted to do but were afraid to. Once you are done you can read the letter and burn it, this will help you release any negative feelings you might still have.
Tell her the truth
You want her to know that her lack of accountability has caused you pain, let her know how you feel. It’s also bet that you focus on what she also did right as a parent, I am sure it was not always that bad, you had some good moments growing up, moments where you look back and think your mom was good. Even though she is not responsible she did a few things right, so when you speak to her, highlight those moments that made you feel proud to be her daughter.
Keep the peace
Just like a tiger waiting to pounce and surprise its prey out of nowhere, you need to keep your head down, especially if you don’t plan on sticking around for long. Play along to whatever she wants or doesn’t want, ignore the fact that she doesn’t take any responsibility if you’ve spoken to her and she still refuses to stick to her ways then plan your exit in secret.
Keep the interaction to a minimum
When you have done all that you can in your power to speak to your mom, and you are at your wit’s end, keep the interaction to the bare minimum. Do your best to stay out of the family drama, and divert your time and energy to doing well in school or getting a better job so that you can get yourself together, Your time and resources must be allocated toward yourself or your other family members.
How do you deal with an irresponsible mother?
There are several ways that you can deal with an irresponsible mother, you should set clear boundaries of what you are willing to tolerate and have an honest conversation about it. Limit the time that you spend with her so that her toxicity does not affect you, control what you can, and let go of the rest.
To wrap it up
Accountability is something that you cannot force some to take, they have to want to take responsibility or acknowledge their actions. One way that you can heal is to try a separate the person from the behavior, you can love your mom but also hate the way she behaves. You cannot change how your mom acts, but you can control how you choose to act.