My husband doesn’t want me to have friends
“Dear Sindi, I am writing to you with a broken heart, I am a 38-year-old married woman and a mother to two beautiful kids. On the outside everything is fine, my husband and I work and we have a good life. The problem is that my husband has no friends or hobbies now he doesn’t want me to make friends, it also doesn’t help that no one likes my husband so instead of going out and hanging out with women my age, I spend my days at home with him and the kids, I love my family but I need to socialize with people not only at home. I have tried to talk to him about this, but he is a social cringe, when we met he only had one friend who he is no longer friends with, how do I convince him he needs to let me make friends?”- Jessica, New York
Its one thing to not have friends because you don’t want friends but another when it’s your husband who doesn’t want you to make friends, This can be summed up as an issue of self-esteem, because your husband doesn’t have any friends, he expects you also to spend all your free time at home, it is not on.
9 Things that you can do when you have no friends because of your husband
Don’t depend on your husband too much
I can’t stress how important it is not to rely on your husband too much, so many things can happen within your marriage, now I am not saying that they will happen to you, but think about it. What if you get a divorce? Or what if you no longer want to spend time together? Even worse what if he decided he can make friends and left you at home?
By being a woman your emotional needs are different, maybe you are thinking to yourself but no one likes my husband, but it doesn’t mean that they can’t like you. Depending on your husband too much is a danger zone, a red flag, abort the mission girl. Work as much as you can to connect with people outside of your immediate family. This means keeping in contact with former colleagues, high school friends, family, or acquaintances.
Be open to different friendships
Couple friends are difficult to find, all you have to do is look around you to see that most people even though they are coupled up, they are not in serious relationships. So you need to expand your search for friends, don’t exclusively look for couple friends, so many people who are not in relationships make the best of friends, Like me LOL, okay back to you, but seriously just because you are married doesn’t mean you have to have married friends.
What if you have nothing in common with married friends? Be friends with people who are not married, you don’t have to only have married friends. So look at single women, single mothers, or even child-free women.
There was a time to isolate when the dreaded pandemic was going on but now is not the time. Some people can live life all by themselves and they do fine, but we cannot deny what the effects of being isolated from society can do to your overall well-being. Your husband might have a few concerns about what might happen when you do make friends but this should be something that you decide on your own, remember what we talked about in point number one. Remember the saying man is not an island unto himself, well that applies here.
Make friends with other parents
Okay, maybe your dear old husband doesn’t want you to make friends with people who are not married, but what about mommy friends? Maybe your husband will be more understanding if you choose a friend from your children’s school. You can find mom friends at your children’s school, daycare, or extracurricular activities.
The easiest way to be a part of the mom club is to immerse yourself in your children’s school. This means you can volunteer for kid drop-off, plan the annual concert, or help the teachers manage the kids during outings. If this would be impossible because you have to go to work, then try downloading the mom friends app and take it from there.
Host a neighborhood party
If you live in a neighborhood where you and your neighbors are friendly but not friends now is your chance to form a nice ladies’ group. You can host a neighborhood party, and ask one or two of your neighbors to help with the planning. It would be awesome if you can have a theme for this, maybe plan a gathering around Halloween or St Patrick’s Day.
Leverage social media
If you have done everything in your power to convince your husband that you need to have friends then social media is your next option. You won’t have to go out and meet people and make your husband mad that you did something for yourself. Leverage social media, connect with people, and try having online movie dates, these are so much fun, you and your online friends can watch movies together, or start an online book club, the point here is to have social interaction with other people than your husband and your children.
Speak to your husband
Your husband is the only one who knows why he doesn’t want you to have friends and he should be the one who answers all your questions. If your husband has low self-esteem, he might think that having a group of friends will change you. In his mind, he could be thinking that you will no longer have time for him or your family.
A jealous husband sign includes not wanting you to have any friends, Ask him what he is afraid of, and why he doesn’t think making friends will contribute to your happiness. Maybe because he has not made any friends he could think of himself as a loser and this is making him insecure, Just because he does not have any friends does not mean he is a loser, he needs reassurance and to address the root cause of his insecurities. So, in the end, you can listen to him but also make your own decisions about what happens in your life.
Discourage his behavior
If he still doesn’t want you to make friends then seek the help of a professional or a family member. One of the key ingredients of a happy marriage is the ability to have friendships outside of the marriage. Seek help, this doesn’t have to be a licensed professional. Ask a family member to speak to him or call a meeting with his family with the aim of changing his mind.
Encourage him to have his own friends
You can make this fun by going out together and finding group activities that include other couples, why not pick a restaurant of the week and explore fun dishes with the aim of making couple friends? Be warned though, you could gain a lot of weight, so go easy on the pizzas and burgers.
The effects of having no friends can take a toll on your marriage, I can’t stress to you how important it is to have a social circle that is your own. There should be no reasons for his insecurities unless something happened in the past that would justify his behavior, don’t forget to let me know how it goes.