So you want to hang out with your friend and she tells you “ I can’t, I have an important meeting at work”, then you bump into her causally laughing away over drinks with people who are not from her work. Then it dawns on you “ my friend lied about being busy”. But the question is why?
8 Reasons your friend lied about hanging out
Your friend lied to you about being busy because she wanted space. Lying about something as simple as hanging out is an indication that she did not want to hurt your feelings and she didn’t know how you will react if she said the truth.
You don’t like the same things
I know from experience that you can be friends with someone and not necessarily like the same things. This is perfectly fine, it doesn’t take anything away from the friendship. For example, if you like pop music and your friend likes classical music, if she is going to a classical music event, then she will probably not invite you because she knows you are not a classical music fan.
She has another separate group of friends
Groups of friends can be categorized as, work friends, travel friends, mommy friends, or single friends, this list is endless. If your friend has another group of friends she spends her time with like her work friends, then it’s natural to separate her work friends from her other category of friends. When they go out they will most likely discuss work-related topics which you obviously will have no idea about.
She is friends with someone you don’t like
We have all had friends who don’t get along with each other, think back to a time in school when you didn’t like a girl in your class, but you still hung out with them because other people around you still liked that person.
The same goes for this situation, your friend didn’t tell you they were going out because she knows you and this said person do not get along. It is okay for your friend to be friends with the two of you as long as there is no gossip in between, then you have to think twice about this friendship.
She didn’t want to hurt your feelings
As strange as it may sound, even though lying will hurt your feelings your friend probably didn’t tell you the truth because she didn’t want to hurt you or make you feel bad. She could have been scared of your reaction because up until recently you did everything together.
She feels burnt out
Being around someone day in and day out can start to feel claustrophobic. If you and your friend talk daily and hang out three or more times a week, she may need some space. Friendship burnouts happen more often than we think, that is because no two people are alike, and it is relatively unhealthy to spend your entire waking hours together.
That is why we see “rituals” like “self-care” becoming so popular. Society is coming to terms with the fact that people need time to themselves. This does not have to be something big, for example, I love going to the mall or bookshops by myself, and it gives me some much-needed time.
She doesn’t like how you act in social situations
If you have a reputation for picking fights with everyone, being moody, drinking a lot, or just having a mean attitude your friend will choose to not have you around. There is nothing as annoying as being around someone you have to monitor or walking around eggshells when you hang out. So take stock of how you have been acting, if this has been you, you can gain control by apologizing and acting right the next time you go out.
She is immature
There is nothing wrong with your friend doing something without you, I mean you are not siamese twins. The real issue is her lying about it. Speaking for myself I don’t mind when a friend has to hang out with someone else, I also have no problem telling a particular friend that I can’t “do lunch” or “have dinner” with them because I have plans with another friend. The older we get the more at ease we are in being honest. If your friend lies about something as simple as hanging out, this shows a lack of maturity.
Your friendship is not that important to her
If this is a friend you met not so long ago then we can safely say that both of you won’t be inviting each other to every single activity. On the other hand, if this is a friend you have known for a long time and did everything together, as the friendship evolves she might not feel like you two are as close as you used to be.
4 Signs your friend is lying about being busy
- When they say are going out of town for the week or weekend and you see them at the mall on the days that they are supposed to be out of town- “ouch”
- When they say they have a meeting at work and you see them at your local cafe – “awkward”
- When they say they are going to sleep and when you log onto social media they are out and about having the time of their life- ” hmmm”
- When they say they are doing something with someone, and by chance, you bump into that said “someone” when you ask this person about it they have no idea- “ this is annoying”
What should I do when my friend is busy?
Instead of waiting around and praying your friend will change your mind or miraculously appear, you should try and have a life outside the friendship. You should have a hobby, sport, or something that you do alone when she is not around. In case you don’t, now would be the perfect time to start those singing, dancing, or piano lessons.
To wrap it up
Female friendships are great because of the sisterhood they provide. We have someone to confide in, go shopping with, do our make-up, and all those fun girly things. Even though we love our friends, we also have to come to terms with the fact that people need space and we don’t have to be attached at the hip, clinging to someone is not the way to do it.
If your friend tells lies constantly about hanging out, maybe you need to take a step back a little, however, If you feel like this is a friendship worth saving them find a quiet time for both of you to talk, and see what the issue is.