Spending time with our friends is meant to give us happiness, we chat we laugh and we cry. Nonetheless, sometimes you may find yourself in a weird situation when you are the only one talking and you just…well keep quiet. This leaves you thinking why am I always the one asking questions?
Having great news to share with our friends leaves us wanting to talk and talk but if you are the only one doing the talking or asking you will end up feeling or even saying to yourself ” oh, my friend is not interested in my life”. Instead of cracking your brain with worry take a look at some of the possible reasons for her silence.
9 Reasons why some people never ask questions
It’s completely normal for your friend to not ask you anything especially if you talk every day. Your friend could be shy or doesn’t want to seem nosey.
She is going through her own drama
If your friend is going through a sticky situation, her mind may wander. There have been many times when I would sit with a friend who is happily chatting and my mind wonders about whatever situation I am facing at that time. I don’t do it on purpose but it happens. The same thing applies to your friend, she might not want to seem rude and offload her drama, so keeping quiet is her way of dealing with things.
She doesn’t know how to respond
As unlikely as this may sound, not everyone has a question or statement to make in response to what you say. For example, if you are going on and on about your newborn baby and your friend doesn’t have one, her go-to response is likely to be to just let you talk until you are done.
She doesn’t want to seem nosey
“Who did you go out with?”, “Did you kiss him?” or “Did you go down on him?” These all are intimate questions, depending on the level of friendship, your friend might not be comfortable asking you these questions. Firstly because your friendship is relatively new, and secondly it may be that when she asks you certain questions, you change the subject or display a level of unease.
You always dominate the conversation
“So I did this”, “I went to this place”, “I got this job” and, “this guy asked me out”, phew, it is always “I”, well in this case all about “You”. Take some time and think about how you dominate conversations not just with your friend, but maybe at work school, or home. Do people know everything about you? But if you pause for a moment, do you realize you don’t know much about the people close to you?
Don’t worry this happens to a lot of people, it is a habit that we pick up, and some people grow out of it. But if you have a naturally dominating persona, work on pulling back a little, and allow others to share a thing or two with you, you might be pleasantly surprised.
You never take her advice
It should come as no surprise that when your friend constantly gives you advice, and you do not take on top of that you make the same mistakes, then she won’t say anything anymore. There is nothing as infuriating as when your friend has a problem but they refuse to listen to reason, if this is you, maybe it’s time to heed your friend’s recommendations.
You always repeat the same things
“ So he and I went to Paris”, “ did I tell you about our trip to Paris?”, and finally “ Paris was so nice”. Hey, even I am getting tired of hearing about Paris. If my friend always repeated the same thing, without wanting to offend them I would zone out. So when it comes to you and your friend, are you sounding like a broken record always repeating the same story about your fabulous trip, work wonderful job, or excellent grades?
She is an introvert
Not everyone is bubbly, outspoken, or has an answer to everyone, some of my best friends are introverts. These types of people are reserved, but make no mistake just because they keep to themselves doesn’t mean they have no advice or questions to ask. Introverts sometimes have to be probed, pushed, or nudged, if you give your friend the platform she will come around.
You never ask how SHE is doing
This point links to what I said about being a narcissist, there are only so many times your friend can ask you how you are, your kids are doing or how your man is. If you never return the favor, then we can presume that we won’t take as much interest in what you also have to say.
She doesn’t care that much about what you have to say (not always)
This is not everyone, but sometimes your friend just doesn’t care about what you have to say. This could be for different reasons. Firstly, you might be self-centered and you always make the conversation about yourself, or secondly, she is the self-obsessed one, and all she wants is for you to get over your speech, and let her ramble and her and her world. Whatever the reason for not caring is shows selfish and narcissistic behaviors on both ends and needs to be stopped.
What about a friend who never asks you how you are?
I have always maintained that friendships are at the core of our existence, but they can be weird at times, say for instance you have a friend who never asks you how you are, how do you deal with that?
If your friend never asks you how you are, you can engage with her by saying something sarcastic such as “ Oh, I doing fabulous, thank you for asking, you can continue with what you were saying”. This is a clear sign that A, your friend should be courteous, and B, she should never do it again.
To wrap it up
I have coached many people who have had this particular issue, and what I can tell you is that friendships are a two-way street, put in the effort to reach out to your friend when you do if she is the kind of friend that you think she is, then she will return the favor. Many people are shy, embarrassed, and do not want to look like they are nosey, let your friend know you want her opinion.
Don’t forget that this situation has a bit of a grey area, simply because is not the typical “my friend never calls me”, in this case, you are your friend do call each other and do talk, however, there’s a disconnect because the conversation is not flowing the way that it should.