Fat shaming in friendships is more common than you think, it happens with females of all age groups, I have been around 50-year-old women who still rudely call each other fat. Now fat shaming is a phenomenon that is most popular amongst women, ladies love to call each other fat and why? I don’t know. But I can tell you that if your friend called you fat she is one of millions of women who may be jealous, envious, or just a plain old bully.
Feeling sad because your friend called you fat is not overreacting, and NO, you don’t need to pretend as if she didn’t say anything, deal with her words head-on, find a solution, and stand up to being called fat.
How do you deal with friends calling you fat?
“My friend and I have been friends for about 9 years and during this time our friendship has evolved into more of a sisterhood but she can be very nasty. Recently we went out for lunch to celebrate a promotion I got at work, we hadn’t seen each other in about 5 months and I was happy to see her again, but the first thing she said to me when we saw each other was and I quote “ OMG, you are so fat”, seriously she said that so I spoke to my boyfriend and he just laughed it off. Anyway even when we were having lunch she kept on repeating the same line telling me that I am fat, I don’t know how to feel because we had not seen each other in a long time and the first thing she thinks to say is to tell me about my weight.”- Isi, NYC
5 Reasons why your friend called you fat
There could be two reasons why your friend called you fat, firstly she might be a little jealous of you and wants to say something that she knows will affect your self-esteem and have you doubting yourself and secondly, she might not mean it in a bad way because maybe you have gained weight and she thinks by calling you fat you will do something about it.
She doesn’t mean it in a rude way
In some cultures calling someone fat is not a bad thing, in the African culture for example women are known to be very blunt and honest, and even if you are not fat they will call you fat for various reasons. Being fat can be seen as a sign of success or that you are now a woman, so depending on your friend’s background, her telling you that you are fat might not be something that she means in a bad way.
She is jealous of you
In your eyes, your friend is someone who you think of as a sister, but Darling, even the friends that we consider to be true friends may not even like us, it’s strange, sad, and true. You might not think that your friend is jealous of you because you care about her but jealousy in friendship is often hidden in the form of support, girls’ trips, lunches, and dinners. Unless your friend tells you that she is jealous of you, you will never notice because she can hide it under kind gestures.
She has unresolved emotional issues
Once again, hurt people got out and hurt other people, even though she might not mean to do it, your friend might be taking other anger on you, she may be frustrated about something that is going on in her life and calling you fat is a nice distraction that makes her feel better about who she is.
She gets a reaction out of you
Your friend knows all the insecurities that you have and she also knows what to say to make you feel bad about yourself, she might be one of those people who get a kick out of seeing other people sad, but for her as long as she is unhappy, miserable and dissatisfied with her life then everyone else also has to be in the same boat. These kinds of people will do whatever it takes to get even the smallest of reactions and will nitpick at the tiniest details.
You are used to teasing each other
As a woman of color myself, I love being a black woman but I can safely say that In the African community calling each other fat is the norm, you need to develop a thick skin if you intend on being friends with African women. So teasing each other becomes the norm, you can grow up in an environment where calling each other fat is seen as nothing but a way to tell you that you have gained weight no matter how rude telling someone that they are fat is.
You have gained weight
I am trying to be diplomatic here, but it can be hard to face the truth, sometimes when our friends are honest it can hurt our feelings. I am not on your friend’s side but have you gained weight? Are you a little chubby?
5 Things that you can do when your friend calls you fat
You can talk to your friend and let her know that calling you fat doesn’t make you feel you and that she should stop it and you can also find other friends to hang around with if your friend won’t stop calling you fat.
Deal with your weight gain
If you have gained weight and your friend is telling the truth as hard as it is, maybe you must face the fact that you have gained weight, you can start small by working out and eating healthy so that you can get your confidence back.
Understand the friendship code
One of the rules of friendship is that you don’t make fun of each other no matter how true the situation is, even if you have gained weight it’s not her place to remind you every two minutes.
Take a break from hanging out
I would never feel comfortable around someone who always points out my flaws especially if they do it every time we meet. If you talk to your friend and she still does not change her fat-shaming ways then take a little break for spending time together until you feel ready to confront her.
Get her where it hurts
Well if she insists on reminding you that you are fat, why not remind her of something that makes her feel insecure, I can almost bet you that when you respond by poking out her weak points she will never call you fat again. Darling Find her weak point and tell her about it.
Don’t be a pushover
Your friend is not doing you a favor by being your friend, it’s not like she is the only other human in the universe who can be your friend so don’t be a pushover, learn to call out bad behavior without looking needy or desperate. If your friend is mature enough, she will recognize her behavior, thank you for telling her how you feel, apologize and she will promise to never do it again, and that is the beauty of friendship, it’s the ability to fight, insult each other and move forward.
How to react if someone calls you fat? (12 Comebacks)
So you are asking yourself How do you respond to fat shaming? Well here are some things that you can say when someone calls you fat.
- “ I am fat but you are?”
- “At least I can change my appearance by going to the gym, what about you?”
- “ Calling me fat will not make you pretty”
- “I don’t like it when you talk about my weight”
- “What gives you the right to call me fat and think that is okay?”
- “ Don’t you have something better to say about me besides calling me fat?”
- “ Have you looked in the mirror lately?”
- “ Okay, I am fat but it’s not like the world will come to an end?”
- “ So does calling me fat make you feel better about who you are?”
- “ Well, your boyfriend seems to think I am just fine?”
- “ Well, your brother seems to think otherwise”
- “If I picked at your insecurities how would you feel?”
Let’s give your friend the benefit of the doubt and give her a chance if this is the first time that she has called you fat, it might seem as if you are making a big deal about what she said but I am here to tell you that you are not, being called fat is a problem and if you don’t like it you have a right to say “ Stop calling me fat”.