“Friend, what are you eating, when you are going to eat lunch, do you have any food for me?” These are all the questions your friend asks you, so you are in a tough situation, you don’t want to deny your friend food, but at the same time it seems as if she is taking advantage of your kindness, she always comes to your house hungry, she never contributes any money towards buying food together and she never brings you anything as a way to show her appreciation for all the food that you have been giving her.
It’s not like you have a food charity business that is mandated to feed anyone hungry, so why does it seem like your friend is always asking you for food? Is it impolite for you to say NO if she asks you?
Have a look at the story submitted by one of our readers.
How do you say no to someone asking for food?
“I have been friends with my friend for 5 years now and she does this weird thing of asking me for food, I don’t mean to sound insensitive or like I am a mean person but she comes to my house and always asks me what I have made for dinner, and if I have not cooked anything she will stay until I have finished cooking and I will have to give her some of my food. Once again, I don’t mind but it’s starting to irritate me because it’s almost as if she knows what time I am going to start cooking. On Saturday I decided that I was not going to go anywhere and stay in, well guess what? She came to my apartment just as I was about to order pizza and I had to also order some for her. What makes me doubt our friendship is that she did not even offer to pay for anything. Am I being used for food? – Tasha, LA
5 Reasons why your friend keeps asking for your food
There could be two reasons why your friend keeps asking you for your food, the first reason could be that she doesn’t have money to buy her food and the second reason is, she may be a selfish person and she loves to take advantage of your kindness.
She is taking advantage of your kindness
Your friend knows how big your heart is and she knows that food is not something that you will say no to, I mean, come on, it’s food at the end of the day. And because she knows what a kind-hearted friend you are, she doesn’t think it is a bad thing to take advantage of you and ask you for food whenever she feels like it.
She doesn’t have money to buy her food
I don’t have to remind you that not everyone can afford to buy food that will sustain them until the end of the month. Many people sadly have to skip meals to have enough food to last them for some time. Your friend might be one of these people who for whatever reason cannot sustain their food budget until the next paycheck. Your friend might be a student who lives with her parents and her parents might be going through a financial setback, your friend could also be working, but her paycheck might be enough to only pay for rent.
If this is the situation, it’s understandable that your friend would feel embarrassed to say anything, it’s not nice to talk about not having enough food to eat.
You always have tasty food
Errrr, if you always have tasty food, I think I would also ask you for food from time to time. So suppose you are the friend who knows how to cook well, or your mom is a queen in the kitchen, it’s not surprising why your friend is always asking you for food, all those cakes, pizzas, and curries that you always eat are too much to resist.
She is selfish
If your friend is not in any financial crisis and she can afford to buy her food, and she still keeps on asking you for food then she is selfish, she only thinks about herself and her stomach and doesn’t care how all of this is affecting you.
She is on a tight budget
This point ties in with the first one, we are all on a tight budget and your friend might be a working woman, but her budget might only be enough to get her to and from work, pay for gas and heating and that’s it.
6 Solutions you can try when your friend keeps asking for your food
You can tell her that you have become uncomfortable with the way that she has been asking you for food, and establish boundaries.
You need to establish boundaries if your friend asks you for food every once in a while it’s fine, but if she shows up at your place during dinner time then it’s a calculated move. You can be best friends with someone but that doesn’t mean that you can show up every day Monday to Friday when it’s dinner time unannounced, no, darling this goes against the rules of friendship.
Find out the truth
Just because your friend is asking you for food doesn’t mean you have to disown her, so find out the truth about this whole food situation. If she is asking you for food every time you meet I am willing to bet that there is something that she is too afraid to tell you. If she’s going hungry for whatever reason then be there for her, if it’s not too serious then talk about this.
Don’t eat when she is around
It sounds petty, but it’s the truth, if you can’t find the courage to tell her how you feel and you are afraid of losing her as a friend then don’t eat when she is around. If she comes to your house you can let her in, pour her something to drink, and leave it at that. Don’t take out your precious meatballs and start cooking up a storm if this doesn’t sit well with you.
Come to an agreement
If your friend has told you that she doesn’t have food then you can come to some sort of agreement. Maybe she can come to your house or you can go to her house once a week and both of you cook something, that way when you leave you will also have some food to take home. Or you can buy non-perishable food for her when you go to the supermarket. You don’t have to buy her food all the time, only if you have money to spare.
Change your eating routine
Well, if your friend knows that you eat dinner at 7 pm every day then she will show up right on time. This can be irritating but try to change your eating routine and eat dinner before she comes so that when she asks you for food you can tell her that you have already eaten. Oh, Darling, this is petty but try it.
Many young and old people all over the world can surprise because of food banks and food stamps. If your friend needs help then you can go with her to the nearest food bank or assist her with getting food stamps.
Is it rude to not want to share food?
This will vary from situation to situation, if you’re eating pizza and your friend wants some you can share a slice with them, but if someone is always at your house unannounced when it’s time for you to eat dinner then that is another story.
How do you say no to someone asking for food? (7 Ways you can say No)
If you are scared of saying NO, then here are a few ways that you can say it
- “ I am really hungry and I have not eaten anything the whole day”
- “ Well, next time, how about you give me some food?”
- “ I need to take medication and this requires me to finish my food, I am sure that you understand?”
- “ I am trying to gain a lot of weight so I have to finish eating this”
- “ You are always asking me for food, is there something that I should know?”
- “ Okay, I will give you a little bit”
- “ I have guests coming over and all of this is prepared for them”
The conclusion Darling
I remember a reader who wrote in and said “My friend keeps asking me to buy them food when they make more than me”, so as you can see this situation is more common than you think, at first it might make you look like you are being petty and selfish because food is something that is seen as a non-issue when it comes to sharing but doesn’t feel guilty if this bothers you, well darling then it bothers you.