“ I need you to cook, clean, go grocery shopping, and make me breakfast every morning” Does this sound like your boyfriend? Is this what he means when he says “ I want you to act like a wife”?
Will acting like a wife yield any results, will he marry you after doing this or will all your wifey energy go to waste? Why does he want you to act like you are married, is he acting like a husband? Most important what can you do about this?
Before you act like his wife or overthink the situation, read 11 Things you can do when he says he wants you to act like a wife.
My Boyfriend Wants Me To Act Like A Wife (13 Solutions)
When he says that he wants you to act like a wife, you need to ask him what he means and ask him to give you examples of what acting like a wife is to him. If you are unhappy with what he says you can assert your independence by continuing to do things your way. Remember that acting like a wife is no guarantee that he will marry you, if he loves you he will accept you the way you are.
Assert your independence
You were not put on earth to be his mommy, if he has mommy issues he can go online and look for a therapist. Before you met him you were, an independent woman, he knows this and he also knows that women love the idea of commitment, and because you might want long-term commitment like marriage you might leave your independence.
Even if you do get married, it’s never a good idea to be so focused on what your man wants to such an extent that it changes you completely. You only have to look on websites like Reddit to see stories of countless women who let themselves go, forgot their independence and now regret it.
Communicate openly
We can sit here and debate what he means by acting like a wife, for all we know he might just want you only to make the breakfast or wash the dishes. If you want an equal partner where you are not doing all the work you need to speak up. A simple question along the lines of “ You want me to act like a wife, what do you mean by this” will be fine.
Talk about marriage
In his defense, he might be thinking about getting married but wants to make sure that you can indeed be a good wife. YAWN. Well, a good wife in the traditional sense of cooking, cleaning, and maintaining the household.
Talk about marriage and tell him you will do wife duties after you have walked down the aisle. He might have some negative preconceived notions about you and in his confused brain wants to be sure that you are wife material. Talk about marriage because that might be on his mind.
Know that there is no guarantee
If you act like a wife when he is your boyfriend you must know that there is no guarantee that he will marry you. This is not to say that he won’t upgrade you and make you his wife, but bear in mind that all the housework in the world will never convince a man to marry you if he doesn’t want to.
Dont move in with him
I am hoping you have not moved in with him because he can’t be getting husband benefits on a boyfriend’s budget. Moving in together works well if marriage is not what you want and you are happy with performing wife duties as his girlfriend.
But if want to tie the knot moving in might work against what you want. Washing the dishes, cooking for him, ironing his clothes, and packing his lunch is a lot for any woman to do.
Continue to do things your way
Unless the two of you met in his kitchen and you were already cooking cleaning, making chocolate brownies, and making sure he is happy there are no reasons as to why you should all of the sudden act like a housewife.
Was this the standard that you set when you started dating him? If acting like a wife is not something you are ready to do please don’t do it, abort the mission. If all you do is pour the drinks and watch Netflix all day then do that. If all you do is get your hair and nails done and go shopping and you love it do it.
Talk about gender roles
Even if you were married it’s unfair for him to think that you will get up at 5 am prepare his bath, make him an omelet with a side of french toast, and iron his shirts, that is unrealistic. This is a good time to broach the subject of what he thinks of gender roles, does he think a woman belongs in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant?
He might come from a family where his mother did all of these things and expects you to also do them. This is good because you will have an idea if this is the type of relationship you want to invest your time in.
If he tells you something you dont agree with, well you can find a guy who will treat you like a princess or treat you like a baby and won’t mind you spending all day every day doing nothing.
Keep an open mind
There is acting like a wife and then there is acting like a wife, yes sure it sounds the same but it is not. He might want you to help around the house here or there, I mean that is what wives do right?
Maybe according to him you never do anything, it is not that he wants to treat you like a slave he might just want you to pull your weight. So look at how you act, maybe you can make a few adjustments only if they work for you.
Tell him to act like a husband
You can’t be a wife to a boyfriend now, can you? If he wants you to act like you are married is he prepared to act like a loving husband who pays all the bills and fixes things that are broken around the house? He must be prepared to take on husband duties if he wants you to take on wife duties.
Does he know that husbands pay their wives car notes? Does he know that husbands put gas in their wives’ cars? Does he know that some husbands give their paychecks to their wives? If he is prepared to do all of this, by all means, go ahead and act like Bree from Desperate Housewives.
Give and take
It is perfectly acceptable to act like a wife and do wife duties as long as there is a balance. For example, if he doesn’t like cooking and you do, he can wash the dishes when the two of you are done eating. If he doesn’t like ironing and you don’t mind, he can hang out the clothes in the washer and you can take them out and iron them.
Everyone has a preference when it comes to doing chores and a chore timetable can help with managing all of these. He can’t ignore the housework and thinks you will do it because you are female. You can treat him like a king as long as he doesn’t have any sexist views about doing housework.
Give him the alternatives
There is no reason for him to expect you to slave away in the kitchen making pot roast, apple crumble, and banana loaf, you can give him alternatives. These days women are independent and working, so an alternative would be hiring a babysitter or a chef there are ways to have a functional household without having to burn yourself out.
Dont let him manipulate you
Be careful because he might turn around and say” If you love me you will do this”, 99 % of the time, the female ends up losing in this situation. He can’t emotionally blackmail you, manipulate you, or promise to marry you by saying “ Act like a wife, or I won’t marry you”. Doing laundry, washing the dishes, or cooking lasagna dont necessarily prove anything. Even if you were to do these things, it’s not a solid declaration of love.
Leave the relationship
If after asking him what he means by “Act like a wife” you are not happy, you are free to exit the relationship. If what he wants is not working or you know that “ Wife material” is not something that you strive for you will be wasting your time.
Remember that it is very rare for men to compromise on what they want, men will leave a relationship if the woman acts dizzy or her behavior is not what he is used to.
What makes a man see a woman as wife material?
Wife material is subjective not every man will have the same requirements in a woman for a wife. Some men love women who cook and other men dont mind if a woman doesn’t cook. Most men look for qualities such as trustworthiness, respect, honesty, or support in a woman.
When a guy says he sees you as a wife?
When he says this it may be because of a few reasons, you might show him love like no other woman has ever before. You might be ambitious and this is a quality he admires in you, or he sees you as someone who he wants in his life long term.
To end it off
There is no right or wrong way to go about this, you have to do what feels right, if acting like a wife is something that you are willing to do, go ahead darling. But dont act like a wife with expectations that one day he will marry you, do it because you want to and you are comfortable with it.