So you and your mom got into a heated argument and now you are spending sleepless nights asking yourself “Aita for how I responded to my mom”, the answer to this depends on what you said and how you said it. Did you hurt your mom’s feelings and most importantly did you say something to your mom that you will target for the rest of your life?
Have a look at the story submitted by one of our readers in New York, maybe your stories have a thing or two in common.
Aits for how I responded to my mom (story)
“Dear Sindi, I am so frustrated because I keep on getting into arguments with my mother over the same issue. She and my dad got a divorce when I was in high school and they never got along since. My dad has since remarried and my mom hates it when my sister and I go over there. Anyway, my graduation is coming up and I want both my dad and my stepmom to be there. I love my mom, but my dad did nothing wrong the divorce was very amicable it’s just that my mom does not like my stepmom. We had a heated argument about this and I told her to “ Get over it”. Ever since the argument she is not talking to me and she has become all buddy-buddy with my sister they were never this close. I know I look like a bad daughter but I am tired”– Tarna, New York
5 Reasons why you are not an asshole for how you responded to your mom
You are not an asshole for how you responded to your mom if your mom has a reputation for not listening to you and if you have been talking to her about the same issue over and over again and she still refuses to see your side of things.
Your mom never listens
When your mom never listens to you, it’s a no-brainer that in some situations you will not respond in a good way. If she is hell-bent on not listening you will never be able to convince her to, it doesn’t matter what you try.
Your mom never defends you
It can feel isolating when your mom never defends you, it can leave you saying awful things to yourself such as “ My mom never defends me does she even love me?”. When you grow up in such an environment you always have to fight for your opinion to be heard, the fighting never ends if you have siblings and your mom always defends them but is never on your side, this will impact how you respond to her in certain situations.
Your mom is a narcissist
Well, is she one? You are the only one who will be able to answer this question but I can tell you from experience that dealing with a toxic mom is draining. Let’s face it if you know your mom is a narcissist then you know that she thrives on getting you upset. She knows that you want her to treat you in a certain way and because she is a narcissist she knows that when she doesn’t she will get you upset, and as a narcissistic mom that is what she wants. You can be forgiven for responding like a toddler and no you are not an “a hole” if you have been dealing with this your whole life.
You are an adult
If you are an adult it means that you no longer have to put up with conversations or situations that you don’t want to be a part of. This means responding to your mom in a manner that you as an adult see fit. There is something that happens when you turn 18, your become responsible for your decisions your life, and the way you talk to your mom whether or not the outcome is good or bad.
You have been talking about the same issue
Getting your mom to understand the same thing over and over again is like going on a merry-go-round, there is nowhere to go, no resolution can you will say the same thing over and over again…like you are in a merry-go-round.
6 Things that You must do when you have been an asshole when responding to your mom
You need to speak to your mom about issues that don’t sit well with you, try to understand things from her perspective, and also get her to see things from yours, if you are struggling you can ask a third party to intervene so that you learn new ways and better-coping mechanisms on how you can respond to your mom.
Dont yell at your mom
Eyy I know you are frustrated at your mom but she is still your mom, she is still the woman who gave birth to you and even though you may not like her at times, she is and will always be your mom. Try not to yell at her and resolve issues without raising your voice or saying something that you will regret. The last thing that you need is your thought of “ I yelled at my mom and I feel bad” keeping you awake at night. It doesn’t matter how much she upsets you, raising your voice will not solve anything, I know it’s hard to hear this.
Find a third person
Sometimes your mom will never listen to you because it is you but this doesn’t mean that she will never listen to anyone else. To avoid responding awfully, why not get the help of someone close to you, maybe a family friend? If you don’t want to include a family friend or feel embarrassed by the situation with your mom then getting a trained family therapist or a social worker will help. A trained professional is good because they don’t have ties to you and they often bring a different perspective in any situation most importantly you don’t have to feel embarrassed because they have seen and heard it all.
Create some distance
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and this works in any relationship including the one between you and your mom.
Understand her point
Does your mom have a point to what she says and you are being difficult? To find the answer to this you need to look outside of yourself. Have the maturity to know when you are wrong, the maturity to see her point, and the maturity to put your daughter-ego aside and come to a workable conclusion.
Dont repeat her mistakes
The last thing we need to do is raise children who have the same issues as we did with our mom so the onus is on your to not repeat the same mistakes your mom did with you. Even if you don’t have children now who is to say you won’t change your mind in the future? So think about your relationship with your mom and all the things that she did that you did not like and do your best not to pass the same treatment to your children. If you are child-free then treat the up-and-coming young girls like you would your own, and still avoid being toxic, unresponsive, and being toxic.
Now here me out, some things are not your fault but sometimes we have to apologize even when we know that we are not wrong just to keep the keep. She is your mom and if whatever issue that the two of you have can be resolved with a simple “ Mom, I am sorry” then say it for the sake of peace.
“Aita for how I responded to my mom”, maybe and maybe no it depends on how you look at the situation, but remember that even though someone is your mom doesn’t mean that she is always right, as her daughter you might be put in tough citations where you have to defend yourself, and defending what you believe in does not make you a bad daughter.