So your mom never defends you? In fact, she is always taking your sister’s side every time there is an argument, it leaves you wanting to scream “ come on mom, why won’t you defend me?”, is there something wrong with you? The answer is NO, there is nothing wrong with you but there are things you can do to take control of the situation and deal with your mom.
Have a look at 9 things you can do when your mom never defends you.
My mom always takes my sister’s side what should I do?
“Hello Her Darling Life I am the second-born child out of 4 siblings and I am 23. I have two younger sisters who are 22 and 19 years old, my older sister is living on her own. My mom is always taking my sister’s side and it doesn’t matter if they are wrong, she always blames me for everything. My younger sister who is 19 is really starting to disrespect me, she says things like “ you are supposed to be out of the house and living on your own”, she is right but I don’t have the money to move out right now. I feel like I am trying everything in my power but I still don’t have the support of my mom. I cook, I clean and I am helpful around the house, but I still get blamed for everything, my mental health is also starting to suffer, and I feel hopeless and alone, what should I do?”-Anon
9 Things you can do when you mom won’t defend you
If your mom never defends you, find the time to talk to her and tell her how you feel. If the issue is with you and your sibling arguing then try to find a common ground with your siblings. Assert yourself and focus on the things that make you happy.
Learn to live with it
If this has been happening all your life I kind of have bad news for you it won’t go away anytime soon unless something major happens. It’s best to learn to brush things off if the situation is not anything serious. If this is a small squabble between you and your sibling and your mom doesn’t defend you, you can choose to let it go, and try to not take everything personally otherwise it may result in a situation where everyone in your family is keeping score of who did what. You don’t need everyone to be on your side as long as you say what you want to say.
Unpack the trauma
You must learn to deal with the trauma of not having a supportive parent now before it gets out of hand. You don’t have to speak to anyone close but with the help of a therapist, you can learn to let things go and have coping mechanisms that will help you deal with feeling alone. Being the family scapegoat can cause emotional damage and you can pass it on to your children if it’s not dealt with, the point is you need to heal.
Feeling depressed and alone and out of touch with your family can leave you feeling like you have no one to talk to, that’s why we recommend finding someone who can listen to you when you need it.
Learn to negotiate
Learn the art of negotiating with your mom and siblings, you don’t always have to get your way even if it’s your turn. So learn how to be practical and apologize when you are in the wrong and don’t demand that the person who is wrong be embarrassed or called out. This is hard to do but remember you are trying to create a life that is peaceful and drama free so that you can live a life that you enjoy, this means being okay with being the loser and not always right just to keep the peace in the family.
Sibling arguments should not include your mother unless it gets dangerous, your mom should be able to remain neutral.
Avoid conflict situations
Take a hard look at yourself, your actions, and how you deal with your family at home. I am not saying that is your fault, but if your entire family is against you and not just your mom so take a step back and look at your behavior patterns. If your mom, sister, or entire family are to blame avoid situations where you will get blamed for what you did do, avoid conflict and avoid taking anyone’s side when an argument happens and keep your hands clean.
Turn to spirituality
Meditating, or seeking the guidance of a higher power can help you when you feel alone. Not everyone does this and this is fine, but if you come from a spiritual background and you believe in some higher power it can be manifesting or God, or the universe, turn your attention to that. People who believe in God turn to the Bible, Quran, or any religious books that they have. For example, the Bible says though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.
Move in with a relative or a friend
When you have a mom who is all about herself or a family that paints you as the black sheep, everyone knows how these people operate, trust me, even your aunt and grandmother know the person that your mom is. You can ask a relative if you can stay with them for a while, it doesn’t have to be a permanent arrangement, as you don’t want to be a burden to your extended family.
You are not alone sister rivalry is more common than you think, it usually sorts itself out when the siblings get older. Adult sibling rivalry is a little different in that it can last decades and has the potential to get out of hand.
Journal
This is great if your mom is not aware of how you are feeling, you can keep notes of the arguments and dates and what the issue was, and you can then show your mom when you have enough written down so that she can see what the impact of her not defending you is making you feel. But if you are afraid of doing that you can journal to dump your thoughts, journaling will give you a creative outlet to let out all the emotions that you feel without exploding in from of your mom, when you feel overwhelmed grab your pen and book and write it down.
Keep your head up
That’s right, keep your head up and don’t let this situation make you doubt yourself because the whole world is not against you, sure it may feel like it but no some people want to see you win you just have to find them. Keep focusing on what makes you happy and have hope that things will work out, in the end, your mom will hopefully come to her senses and see what a great daughter she has.
Leave
This is the most obvious point and we always tell our readers they should leave if they have the financial means to support themselves. Once again plan, and do not leave in a hurry.
Why doesn’t my family stand up for me?
When your family doesn’t stand up for you, you must build a network of friends around you who will support you. Don’t compare yourself to your siblings and focus on building your life with positive people around you.
My mother treats me differently than my siblings
There could be many reasons why your mom treats you differently than your sibling, factors such as age, gender, and genetics often play a role. For example, if you are the oldest child your mom might expect more from you and give your more responsibilities than your younger siblings.
How does favoritism affect siblings?
Favoritism can create jealousy and resentment among siblings, often the least favored child will end up acting out and doing things in order to get the “good” attention that the parents are giving to the other siblings.
Why do parents treat older kids worse?
Parents may treat older kids worse compared to younger kids because of the expectations that they have. The whole notion that the older kids have been around for longer and thus know better and should do better, that’s why younger kids get away with a lot.
In conclusion
You cannot control how your mom treats you, but if you don’t want to speak to her or have tried and failed, try some of our suggestions, remember you can only manage what is in your control and that is you.
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