“No, Sarah is my friend, No Sarah was first friends with me”, and the argument continues as to who Sarah is best friends with. Is very normal for people to have more than one friend it’s considered healthy to have different friends in different areas of your life, I would be worried if you did not have this.
So let us talk about your friend having other friends who she can’t stop rambling on about, I mean what is that about? Surely she knows that you are not friends with the friends that she is talking about, is she trying to make you jealous? Tell me, are you jealous that your friend talks about her other friends?
Before you look at the reasons why she always talks about her other friends, look at the story submitted by one of our readers from New Jersey, maybe your situations are similar.
My best friend has so many other friends
“Dear HDL, I have been friends with my friend we will call her A for about 6 years now, we met at design school and we immediately clicked. At school, she was my only friend and I was hers, so anyway A has other friends that she sees when she goes home, I am fine with this but what I find strange is that she is always talking about two of her friends, we will call them B and C, from what she told me she hated being friends with C because she said she was a bully, I never paid much attention to it. So now we have finished design school and we are living in our apartments, she doesn’t live too far from me. But every time we get together she always speaks about how wonderful C and B are. B is getting married and it seems like A is starting to worship the ground that B walks on, she is one of the bridesmaids. I don’t know, I think I am overacting but why does she talk about how great B and C are when she is with me, to top it off I recently broke up with my boyfriend, and all I want is a friend who will listen. It’s not that I don t like sharing my friends but I am an introvert and I don’t socialize a lot outside of work, besides her I have only one other friend”. – Josey, New Jersey
5 Reasons why your friend keeps talking about her other friends
There are two main reasons why your friend does it, she might want to make you secretly jealous of the things that she and her other friends get up to so she is being toxic and secondly, your friend might not be aware that her talking abut her other friends makes you feel bad.
She wants to make you jealous
Forced jealousy is a form of manipulation, if your friend can make you jealous then she has you right where she wants you. This can become obsessive and you find yourself doing things that you would not do all because you want your friend to include you or always stay with you. Why does she talk about them, what is her tone when speaking? Does she also show you pictures and comment on how beautiful everyone looks? If you fall for this then you will do everything that she asks you to do all because you want to be a part of her crew.
She wants you to like them
Maybe every time that she has invited you to go out with her and her friend you have said no, or every time she speaks about them you are visibly upset this may be her way of getting you to like them, she might be secretly hoping that you will ask to tag along the next time they all meet.
She finds you boring
If she finds you boring, why the hell is she hanging out with you? That’s how mean girls operate, they love the underdog, the friend who looks like she doesn’t have a life, the friend that they can go to and brag about their extraordinary life and their awesome friends.
She is toxic
You might not see it or want to believe it but this behavior is a little toxic because she is in your presence she is not with them the topic of the conversation should be something or people that you are both familiar with. It’s normal to mention other friends that neither of you knows but the main topic should not be about them, all of this can have you feeling ignored, inferior, and not heard because when she is with you, the only thing that she wants to talk about are her other friends.
She wants you to feel left out
Maybe this is some type of revenge on her part for something that happened that you might or might not remember, she wants you to feel left out and leave you asking yourself the question; “Why do my friends forget about me“. If you think about it it’s kind of like when we were back in high school when all the cliques were formed and you felt like the world was ending because you were not a part of any group.
6 Things that you can do when your friend keeps talking about her other friends
Ask her to introduce you to her other friends so that all of you can get to know each other and if she doesn’t not want to do that then tell her to stop talking about them when she is with you.
Get to know her other friends
Let your friend know that you want to meet her other friends so that everyone can at least know each other, all of you don’t have to be the best of friends but if you see each other walking in the street you can have a friendly conversation. Let her know that if she won’t introduce you to her friends then talking about them doesn’t make you want to listen because you have no idea who these people are.
Talk about your other friends
Well if she starts talking about how great Nancy and Niya are, then you can also talk about your other friends. Don’t do this too much because what you are trying to do will be obvious, but Arrgh, Darling her behavior is annoying and yes sometimes we also need to be annoying so start talking about your other friends.
Watch her behavior
Keep your eyes and ears wide open darling, look at the way that she speaks about them does she bad mouth them one minute, and then the next she says lovely things about them? Because if she speaks badly about them to you, can we imagine all the things that she has said about you to them? How sure are you that her other friends don’t already hate you?
Accept her other friendships
Maybe deep down you feel out and a little jealous and it’s normal but your friend is allowed to have other friends and she is also allowed to talk about them from time to time. So look at the true reason why this makes you feel bad, do you wish to be included? Do you wish that she can introduce you to her friends? Or do you want her all to yourself? Either way, as much as her behavior is exhausting she is allowed to have multiple friends and so are you.
Expand your social circle
A good way to not easily get affected by all of this is to make friends with other people so that you can also have something else to do when she is not around, and maybe also talk about your new BFFs just to rub it in her face a little. So its time to act and not only focus on her but also take the time to go for meet-ups in your city, you can Google and type something along the lines of a meetup in NewYork or meet up in New Jersey or whatever city you are living in, there are so many people looking to make friends.
Tell her to stop talking about them
You know how I feel about friendship boundaries, they need to be enforced from time to time, your friend won’t know that what she is doing doesn’t sit well with you if you keep quiet unless you tell her. If she is a good friend she will understand how you feel, and no she won’t think that you are jealous because anyone in your position would feel the same.
Why do I get jealous when my friend talks to her other friends?
It’s human nature and is to be expected of you to sometimes get jealous, but it doesn’t mean that your friend will abandon you, feelings such as neglect, rejection, trauma, and isolation can all result in you feeling jealous when your friend talks to her other friends.
Is it OK for your friend to have other friends?
Yes, it’s Ok for your friend to have other friends, having friends from different cultures, races, and backgrounds is considered to be healthy.
To wrap it up, Darling
Are you jealous of your friends’ other friends? Maybe, but is that normal? Of course, it is. Should you find other friends to expand your friendship circle? Yes, you should, and will it b easy? No, it won’t. And last but not least should your friend stop talking about her other friends? Yes, she should Darling, she knows it, you know it and we all know it, Good luck.