“Dear Her Darling Life, My boyfriend thinks I’m lying but I’m not. I have been dating my boyfriend on and off for 6 years, last year we decided to give it one last try and commit to the relationship. We always broke up because I couldn’t trust him, I also felt like he valued his friends more than our relationship. Fast forward to 6 years later, we are both 27 years and I am ready to commit and possibly get married. What I can’t get over is the fact that he constantly accused me of lying, last night we were out with friends and he accused me of having a crush on one of my friend’s fiance. I literally spent the whole night convincing him that I am not lying. Do you have any advice on what I should do?” Berry- New York.
Her Darling Life Answer
Liar Liar your pants are on fire, Liar Liar your pants are on fire,” I think the song goes something like that, remember how we used to accuse each other of lying when we were young? Well, it was a lot of fun back then, but now, oh no Darling not when you are in a relationship how could your prince charming accuse you of lying all the time?
Being accused of lying in a relationship happens from time to time, but what if your boyfriend is always accusing you of lying even when you are telling the truth? This can have you feeling like you are in Judge Judy’s courtroom and you have to defend yourself against the state well in this case your boyfriend with evidence that you are not lying.
5 Reasons why your boyfriend thinks that you lie about everything
If your boyfriend thinks that you lie about everything it could be one for two reasons, the first reason being that he is insecure and is used to people lying to him all the time and that’s why he keeps accusing you and the second reason could be that he is lying but he accuses you of lying to cover up for his lies.
He is playing mind games with you
Do you know those games that guys always play? Well, this could be one of those times, your boyfriend could be playing a very sick and twisted game one that pleases him, everytime you stress, overthink, or worry about what he thinks of you it makes him feel good. Your stressing forms a part of his entertainment, in psychology, it’s called gaslighting and he has you right where he wants you.
In his head, the more that accuses you of lying the harder you will try hard to please him, make him happy, and prove to him that you are not lying, Darling, all of this is exhausting and you end up leaving yourself upset and heartbroken.
He has internal issues from the past
Your boyfriend might have grown up with people who never took him seriously or he might have grown up in an environment where he couldn’t trust anyone, and everyone around him disappointed him in one way or another. Abandonment issues stemming from his childhood can create paranoia which can have a negative effect and as we see it here, he wants to constantly be reassured that you are true to what you say and that you won’t leave him.
He is projecting
What is that saying again? Something like “ Liars see other liars” or something like that. Darling you know how guys are not all guys but sometimes when guys are guilty of something they like to project what they have done and make it seem like you are the one doing it. It’s their way of making themselves feel less guilty, if your boyfriend has done something wrong and this has been an issue in your relationship before, he might project his behavior and accuse you of lying because he is the one who is full of lies in this relationship.
You once lied
Darling be honest, have you ever lied to your boyfriend and he found out? If the answer is yes, well then “Bob is your uncle” because he has every reason to think that you will lie about everything, he accuses you of lying because of your past track record of not telling him the truth.
He is insecure
Insecure guys can be such a headache, you have to constantly show them evidence that you are not cheating, or lying and that you will never leave them. Your boyfriend may be one of those guys who have low self-esteem and in his defense, he can’t help it, his emotional stability has been bruised and hurt before. This leaves you stuck in a vicious cycle because he has no self-confidence you will reassure him of your love, and he will be fine for a day or two or even for a few weeks, but something in him might trigger that need for reassurance and you will be right back at the beginning trying to reassure him.
6 Things that you can do when your boyfriend thinks you lie about everything
If your boyfriend thinks you lie about everything you can speak to him and tell him that his accusations are making you think twice about continuing with the relationship, you must also encourage him to work on his self-confidence issues or seek professional help and if he continues to accuse you then you can end the relationship.
Get him professional help
Darling, if you love this man, and you feel that he is the one don’t run away from him just yet, try and get him some help provided that he is being unreasonable and that you have not been lying about anything. Convince him to work on his issues with a trained professional you can also buy books about relationships, listen to podcasts and then take it from there.
Think about your long-term future
Being accused of lying is nothing but a romance killer, how are you going to be intimate with a man who has a list of lies that you have told, some of them true and some of them not true? It’s exhausting having to explain and convince anyone that you are telling the truth. Think about your long-term future, are you prepared to always be the defendant in a courtroom and constantly have to give him evidence that you are not guilty? How long do you think you will be able to do this?
Explain how you feel
Okay, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt here, instead of immediately shutting down why not explain to him how you feel, tell him how his accusing you of lying is making you question this entire relationship
Figure out if he is the one lying
If this is a pattern, then you have to put on your detective hat and act like a detective in Law and Order crime series. Is he the one that is lying? Has he been acting strangely? And how sure are you that he has not been lying? When people accuse us of lying it’s not always because we are lying but because they are the ones who are lying. When he starts with his accusation, you can also turn it around and ask him if there is anything that he needs to get off his chest, is he feeling guilty about something that he has lied about? Look him in the eyes and see how he reacts.
“ Walk Away, Walk Away, Walk Away, Walk Away”, okay I am in a singing mood today, but seriously, you can walk away from all of this, your main mission in life is not to prove to anyone that you are not lying, you are also not on earth to put up with toxic behavior that have you questioning who you are and walking on eggshells. You are worth more than being a defendant, being accused of lying all the time is not healthy.
Never lie to him again
We all make mistakes and if you have lied in the past start with forgiving yourself and never lie to him again, try by all means to be honest and tell him the truth no matter how uncomfortable it may be.
Why does my boyfriend accuse me of lying all the time?
If your boyfriend accuses you of lying it may be because he has insecurities that are attached to being betrayed and lied to. He may have been lied to in the past and because of it, he accuses you of lying as a way to protect himself from being hurt. He may also have evidence that you lied about something.
What to do if my boyfriend thinks I’m lying?
If your boyfriend thinks that you are lying you must explain to him how his accusations are making you feel, show him proof that you are not lying, and ask him if he is the one who is lying and is projecting his behavior onto you.
To wrap it up, Darling
We all want a Prince Charles and Kate Middleton happy relationship but you won’t get that if your boyfriend keeps accusing you of lying when you know that you are telling the truth. When your boyfriend is gaslighting you it will be emotionally draining, think about your future and the kind of relationship that you want, one where you won’t have to store up evidence just in case you are accused of lying, good luck Darling.