When your boyfriend hates your family it can put a damper on things, the two most important people in your life should ideally get along.
Is there anything that you can do to help change his mind? What happened and why did the relationship turn sour? Take a look at all the solutions on what to do when your boyfriend hates your family.
My Boyfriend Hates My Family (11 Solutions To Try)
If your boyfriend hates your family he needs to tell you the exact reasons why he hates them, tell him to be specific. You can also limit the time your boyfriend spends with them until this is resolved. If he doesn’t have a reason tell him how much it would mean to you if he would make an effort and get along with them.
Dont speak badly about your family
Ya, if you tell your boyfriend about how badly your mom treats you of course he is going to hate them, if you tell him too many details about your traumatic childhood he will dislike them.
Any issues you have with your family should be discussed with your boyfriend in moderation especially if they are still in your life and you have forgiven them. Limit the bad things you say about them in front of him.
Speak to your family
In his defense he might hate them because they hate him for no reason, if your father answers the door all angry when he arrives it’s a no-brainer that he feels this way. If your mom doesn’t want him eating her famous roast beef with mashed potato and he knows about it I would also not feel welcome. If your sister snickers, gossips, laughs, or makes snide comments when he comes over I would also not want to be around your family. Speak to them
Evaluate your behavior
This could be a simple case of “he said and they said”, your family might have acted a certain way toward him because of what you said about him, so keep your relationship issues to yourself. Do not tell each side what the other has done or said.
Find the least disliked family member
There is no way that your boyfriend hates every single member of your family, that’s impossible and if he does you have a big problem he can have issues with one or two but not everyone. Surely there is one person that he can stomach.
Find that person and make him or her the magic dust that changes your boyfriend’s perception of your family. Invite that person out for lunch with your boyfriend on occasion, and have game nights with him and this family member, they will speak on your boyfriend’s behalf when your family says that they don’t like him.
Think about your future with him
Imagine getting married to someone who has never liked your family from day one, I don’t see a happy future, oh, why is that you ask? What future can you possibly have that will be filled with love, adventure, and community if your boyfriend can’t stand being in the same room as the people you matter the most to you?
Imagine you and him on your wedding day the day that is supposed to be the best day of your life, instead of feeling all warm and fuzzy you will feel anxious because you do not know how either side will act. Or even worse he tells you that he doesn’t want your family to be at the wedding how would you react? Family is important and your boyfriend being on okay terms with them is crucial to the success of your family.
Many things might happen when you are married and both of you might or might not need the help of your family. With the current state of the economy what if one or both of you lose your jobs at a time when you have kids, your family will most likely step in to help. But they can’t do this if they don’t get along with him and he hates them.
Special holidays such as Christmas and Thanksgiving won’t be a time of family and celebration instead it will only just be the two of you, how fun is that?
Ask him why
Well, he didn’t just wake up one day and think” Gosh I hate your family” he needs to tell you why. Did you say something about your family to him? Did you call them toxic and that is why he wants nothing to do with them? Maybe you should tell him you exaggerated you were emotional and your family is not as toxic.
Did he meet them and your mom and dad didn’t say anything to him? Did your dad grill him about his plans? Did they ask him about his family and gave him a disapproving look? Well, talk to your family and tell them to tone it down the next time he comes over.
Is he an antisocial person who hates his job, hates your family, and hates life for no reason? He needs to suck it up and get social from time to time. Maybe have him around your family in small doses. An hour or two is enough as opposed to an entire weekend.
Beware of red flags
How much do you know about your boyfriend and his dating habits this can be a symptom of future isolation. Yes darling he starts by telling you that he hates your family. Why? Is this a ploy to isolate you and create an us versus them mentality?
He knows that this will get under your skin, and he knows the fact that he hates them will divide you a little, I would look out for red signs that this man is on a mission to have you all to himself and not in a good way.
Watch out for what he says, does he say things like “ I am the only one who truly loves you” or “It you and I against the world”? All of these are cute but down the line can be a disaster.
Don’t tell your family that he hates them
What your family doesn’t know won’t hurt them, telling them he doesn’t like them will make the situation worse. Maybe your family has no idea he feels this way and they have done everything in their power to make him feel welcome and he hates them because he wants to. Until you have a frank conversation with him and you know where this relationship is going dont tell them that he hates them.
Keep them apart (for now)
Until he stops hating them or they stop hating him keep them apart until the situation calms down a little. Spend a few days with him and a few days with your family. Once again if they must be in the same room together keep the interaction to a minimum.
It will also help if you tell your boyfriend to invite his brother, friend, or sister to go with him so that he can have someone to talk to when you are with your family and he doesn’t feel completely left out.
Give him an ultimatum
He is a boyfriend and not your husband if he doesn’t like them for no reason the least he can do is make an effort to get to know them. If he has social anxiety issues this is a good time to speak to your family and let them know he is nervous around them but they must not mention this when he is around. Tell him that making an effort with your family will make you feel like he cares about you, you are not just you in isolation your family makes up a big part of your identity.
Dont be overly emotional
When you speak to him dont let your emotions get the better of you, be calm about this. Easily confront him so he opens up and tells you the real problem.
To wrap it up
Your boyfriend needs to either find a way to get along with them or you need to decide the future of the relationship. Loving him is all good and well, but what kind of relationship will you have if the one person you love hates your family?… Think about it