Your friend and your husband both play an important role in your life. But what happens if these two roles look like they are intercepting, and not in a good way? All of a sudden you find text messages from your bestie on your husband’s phone, but your friend never shared with you the fact that they have been communicating.
You are not sure if your mind is planning games with you, but one thing that you know is that your friend should not be texting your husband.
Before you stay up all night cracking your brain, take a look at these 6 things you should do when this happens.
5 things you should do when your friend is texting your husband
Speak to your Husband
Your husband should be your happy place, if you can’t tell him when something bothers you then you have a problem. Ask him why he entertains her texts and most importantly when the personal texting began. If your hubby has a habit of flirting with female friends, then you have a whole dimension of issues to worry about, however, if this is not the case then tell him you don’t like the fact that he is texting with her, I would be a little suspicious if he didn’t come out and tell you that they have been texting, you shouldn’t be the one to come out confront him unless they have something to hide.
How does he feel about it, are you sensing anything suspicious such as you know they are exchanging texts but your husband deletes his text messages but your gut is telling you otherwise? Before we start blaming her, start here.
Speak to your friend
That’s right, confront her, it doesn’t have to be anything over the top, just simply talk to her face to face and iron out your feeling. In this case, you should ask yourself whose friend was she at first, it’s not uncommon for females to first befriend the husband and end up besties with the wife.
Find out what they are texting about
Unless they are planning a surprise birthday party or baby shower in all honesty they should have nothing in common at all. It’s scarce for girlfriends to end up close to their husbands. Let’s not jump to conclusions maybe your friend is worried about you, in that case, we can give both of them a pass.
Create a group chat
If they were friends before you got married and everything is innocent but you still feel left out why not tell them to create a group chat so that all of you can be included, for all we know she is not flirting with your husband through text and all they do is talk about a hobby they both like. sports. If the topic in the group chat is not your thing, stay in the group, you don’t have to comment, just be in the know.
Decide on the way forward for both relationships
Are you going to sit both of them down and tell them it’s unacceptable? Or are you going to talk to them separately? Either way, you need a way forward. If everything is innocent all of you should have a good laugh about it and a rule, unless they are talking about surprises, dinners, parties, or emergencies there is no need for communication.
In other words, create those boundaries, have the chat, and move on.
Should my friend be texting my husband?
There are a few instances where your friend is allowed to text your husband. These include but are not limited to planning a surprise birthday party for you, organizing your surprise baby shower, or if both of them are acting out of concern for you. In this instance, they may be communicating to talk about how to deal with the change in your behavior. Other than these, unless they were friends before the two of you got married, your friend should not be texting your husband.
How do I know if my friend is interested in my husband?
There is no singular sign to know if your friend is interested in your husband, usually, you will have to look at a combination of signals, these can be anything from her wanting him to be around even when not necessary, talking about him more that you do, or even slightly touching him.
11 Signs Your Friend Has A Crush On Your Husband
You find text messages on his phone from her
Once again the only time your bestie should be texting your man is to find out where you are or if there is an emergency. But we can also give them a green card if they were friends before you came into the picture so in this case there is nothing wrong with texting a friend. If you stumble upon text messages on his phone from her and you don’t like it even if there are innocent I would call her into order. She is not your husband’s friend, ideally, he should be the one to nip this in the bud.
Your instincts tell you
You know that deep feeling in the deep pit of your stomach, the one that we often call butterflies, yes, that one, well it also comes when you have a feeling about something, someone, or a situation and you can’t seem to shake it off. Going back to what I said, you are the only one who knows your bestie the most, but most importantly if your guy is telling you something might be up, it wouldn’t hurt to pay attention.
She puts you down when he is around
Arggh, nothing like a friend who always has to point out your flaws. This can be anything, your weight, height, or something embarrassing that you would like to forget. If she continuously makes it a point to highlight your insecurities or something that she knows makes you feel bad about yourself in front of your husband, but not only that you always walk away feeling bad about yourself, then she might not be a friend worth keeping.
She knows things about him that you don’t know.
This is so awkward, imagine her knowing that he is contemplating changing jobs and you don’t even know that? The question is how does she know this? This would indicate that she has been talking to him without you knowing.
She gives you the wrong marital advice
There have been millions of stories of friends who thought their besties had their best interest at heart, and even more stories of friends having affairs with their friend’s husband, you get what I am trying to say. Her advice about your marriage should not only be objective but also encourage the saving of your marriage. If you are going through a hard time with your husband and she constantly tells you to leave him, be careful, and look at it from different angles.
She wants him around even during “girl time“
Girl, we love our husbands but there comes a time and place when you don’t want him around. Girl time gives you a chance to break away from responsibilities, laugh, and share some girly gossip. I would not blame you if you didn’t want him around. If your bestie wants you to drag him even during your wine and chit-chat time, this could be a sign.
She never visits when he is not there
Unless all of you are in a big friendship group, visiting your friend when her husband is around can be a little awkward because he is not your friend. But if your buddy never comes around when you are alone but just into her car the minute you tell him your husband is around this could also be a sign.
She becomes jealous when he is romantic toward you
There is nothing like a loving and affectionate husband to bring out the green-eyed monster in your friend. This is simple, a loving husband can create jealousy and cattiness between friends. This mostly affected certain individuals who for example are not in relationships or are in relationships but there is no love whatsoever.
She becomes all girly and changes when she sees him
You know your friend better than anyone so you are the best person to pick up any changes in her demeanor. If you notice that she never puts any effort into her looks when it’s the two of you but suddenly become Marilyn Monroe when hubby is around, girl open your eyes. In addition pay attention to things such as how she compliments him.
She ignores you and only listens to him
The only person whose word she is supposed to hang on to is yours and the only advice she is supposed to take is yours, I mean whose friend is she? If you find her seeking advice and constant validation about what she should do from your husband or she asks you to repeatedly ask him for advice unless is a serious matter that he specializes in, honey, keep your eyes open.
There is a sudden wedge between the two of you
I have said this before, females can be a weird bunch of species. If your husband treats you well and does everything the right way your natural response would be to tell your friend about your marital bliss. But if your friend is not married or in a happy marriage this can cause some resentment and you might see her pulling back from the friendship.
How do you know when your friend is flirting with your husband?
She keeps touching him
Unless she is a medical professional and he is under some emergency, girl why is she putting her hands on him? Why would she stroke his arm? Or even worse, wrap her hand around his waist? I see danger coming.
She hangs onto his every word
When he is around it’s almost as if you don’t exist, she zooms in all her attention onto him and what he is saying. Don’t get me wrong it’s always sweet when your friend and your husband get along, but it should never be to the extent where you feel invincible.
She laughs at his jokes (even the lame ones)
Oh Jonathan you are so funny, Oh Jonathan that is so hilarious, give me a break. You know your man is funny but he is no Steve Harvey or Jim Carey, he has his limits.
She always compliments him
Compliments are totally fine, I find nothing wrong with congratulating him on a promotion or saying something about his car. However, I do think there is a fine line between saying “ your car looks great” and “ that shirt makes you look sexy”, can you see the difference? Saying it repeatedly would also set off alarm bells.
To wrap it up
Work on strengthening your marriage
I am not sure how I would feel If my hubby were to feel comfortable sharing intimate details about our marriage and then texting my best friend. If he is seeking advice on issues facing your marriage, then honey, you have to work on your marriage. A lot of women forget about their husbands as soon as they say “I do”. Don’t be one of these women, in addition, although it stings, put your pride aside and work on getting the spark back, you should be the first point of reference for anything for your husband.
No, you are not overacting, and you have every right to be uncomfortable with them texting back and forth, it’s not about proving that you trust them, it’s about respect.