Oh Boy, it wasn’t enough that your mom didn’t like your boyfriend or the fact that she never takes accountability but now she wants to live with you. This is not what you hand in mind, sure you love your mom but there is no way that she can live with you, one of you might not make it.
Don’t give in just yet, we have the perfect solutions there are several things that you can do and still maintain your peace.
7 Things that you can do when your mom wants to live with you
When your mom wants to live with you, you don’t have to feel obligated to say yes, you can look at alternative housing for older citizens or help her move into a cheaper place. Your mom should live with you if she has a medical condition that would make it risky for her to live alone.
Understand the implications
Having any relative move in with you changes everything. You can live your life, but you will have to do so with your mother knowing everything you do.
Think about your private life, will you be able to go in and out of your house for some quality time with your man with your mom acting like a police ankle monitor? Can you bring your boyfriend over and have loud, intimate time? I don’t think so.
Your mom needs to allow you to be independent and live your life so you need to say no to your mom with careful consideration, don’t be too harsh or you might ruin the relationship and your mom might never call you again and we wouldn’t want that.
Try it (and make her miserable)
Oh O, we said it, make her miserable but be nice about it no need to go to extremes. The best way to ruin any type of relationship is by moving in with that person be it your friend, sibling, or romantic partner.
If she insists on living with you even though she has other options and knows that it will be a burden on you then let her, and show her the real you. We are not talking about the sweet innocent girl she raised, no, show her the sloppy, messy, loud, party all night, and has lots of friends girl.
If you already find yourself living with your mom it’s not too late to claim your independence back, while you’re figuring out what to do you can have a look at our post about what you can do when you want your mom to move out, not all is lost.
Don’t feel obligated to say yes
“But Her Darling Life, arent daughters suppose to take care of their mothers?” Well, our answer to you is, yes but to a certain extent. Your mother shouldn’t make you feel bad or guilty when you don’t want her to live with you. The rule of the mother-daughter relationship is that as the daughter you should help your mom but only when your helping doesn’t lead to pain or discomfort.
For example, if your mom decides to quit her job and live with you, even though you have your place and kids she will be an extra mouth to feed. So what happens when you can’t afford to buy dinner or take care of your own needs? Do you see what we mean? That is the discomfort right there.
Watch out for emotional blackmail, she might go down memory lane and give you a list of things that she had to do for you since the day you were born, YAWN.
Consider your options
Okay, let’s say she is in a pickle and has nowhere to go, right before you say yes consider your options. In the state or country that you live in does the government offer state housing or apartments? Most senior citizens are given priority so that must be your first stop.
Your next option would be to rent a place for her, maybe find a granny cottage or a one-bedroom flat, some apartments house senior citizens it would also be nice if she could get into one of those in that way she will have roommates and not get bored.
Lastly is your mom employed and will she be contributing to the household expense? If you want to live with her you can but if your finances are not in order maybe help her get a job if she is not past retirement age.
List your problems
I am not sure why your mom would want to live with you if you are married or in a relationship, eww…. So awkward for everyone, your man wont be able to grope you when he wants to and you won’t be able to freely kiss him with mommy hovering like a newborn bird, so list him as one of your problems.
Your spouse is your ticket out, no man wants to stare at his mother-in-law day in and day out so use the fact that you live with him as your way out.
Consider her motive
With the current state of the economy most people can’t afford to live on their own, maybe your mom is one of them. I doubt she wants to be in your personal space unless she has no choice. As her daughter, you might be here only saving grace, if this is the case don’t let your mom be homeless.
Your mom could have a health issue that makes it dangerous for her to live on her own, or she might be living on her retirement and has no money.
If she has a bit of money let her contribute to the household expenses including babysitting and cooking, I am certain that you will both love that, the point is don’t end up paying all her bills unless it’s necessary.
Hmmm, well easier said than done, I am sure that you want to spare her feelings but go on your mom is a big girl she can take it. Say no, and we don’t mean say no with a huge smiley face and laugh. We mean it, say NO with a serious face and back your answer with reasonable explanations.
As an adult you are dealing with your problems and trying to navigate your way through life, it’s quite distressing that your mom would put such a significant burden on your shoulders, I mean there are cases where she is justified but we are not referring to that. In this situation, your mom is still working or capable of finding a job but because she doesn’t want to she thinks moving in with you will be the answer to her problems.
Am I wrong for not letting my mom live with me?
No, you are not wrong for not letting your mom live with you, as a grown-up you want your freedom and to discover yourself and the things that you love without your mom being there, it’s fine to want to live your life, and not take any responsibility for your mom.
Is it normal to live with your mom?
Depending on the country or culture you come from it can be normal to live with your mom. In some countries like India for example, most children live with their moms or mother-in-law. The moms are there to help maintain the culture and raise the grandkids.
Why is living with parents so terrible?
Living with parents can be terrible when you are an adult because you need to have your independence. Parents can make it difficult to do the things that you want without criticizing your decisions. Living with parents can also make some kids lazy and dependent on their parents for everything, thus failing to launch.
Now carefully consider the implications of saying yes or no, if you end up saying yes I am sure it won’t be as bad as you think. Set some clear boundaries and stick to them. Before you say yes remember to look at other options, maybe there is a solution that you might not have even considered, so take your time.