It’s very rare to hear of a parent that wants their child to fail, most moms are always looking out for their children’s best interest but sometimes that is not always the case. You are not alone there are thousands of stories such as these. When you don’t have a good relationship with your mom you can find yourself making a lot of mistakes, these mistakes can sometimes reinforce the feeling that you are not good enough or that your mom is happy that you have failed.
Before you carry on feeling like there is no hope there are some things that you can do when you feel like your mom wants you to fail.
8 Things you should do when you mom wants you to fail
When you feel like your mom wants you to fail you should focus on the things that you are good at to prove to your mom and yourself that you are not a failure.
Get some help
Many women go through health challenges and these can make them seem difficult, I will give you a few examples. If your mother has had a tough life she may be feeling like she made the wrong decisions and her overall unhappiness can have an impact on how she treats you. Your mom can see a career or a life coach who specializes in helping people map out their lives and careers, and take it from there.
The same goes for hidden health issues, there are certain things such as depression, and anxiety that can make people like your mom lash out, she is not doing it on purpose, these things have to do with a chemical imbalance. Luckily there is help, have her see a professional dealing with these issues, they can put her on medication and it usually takes a few months to work.
We can never understand the things toxic mothers say or why they say them but it’s not uncommon for people like your mom to feel like they have failed in life she may feel that she is failing as a mom but doesn’t know how to express her feelings, a counselor can help in this situation.
Take the time to understand her
It’s very easy to think that your mom wants you to fail when you feel like you cannot do anything right, depending on how old you are you might not have the emotional intelligence to understand want your mom wants from you, your lack of understanding can make it look like your mom wants you to fail but in fact, she is pushing you to achieve greatness, but because you are fighting it may be hard for you to see that.
Prove to her that you can be a winner
Suppose you have a track record of not doing what she says, then it’s time to do it, if you do not know how to then ask her. If you have been failing at university and not doing your assignments it’s time to turn things around, the same goes for making wrong decisions to spite her, you are only proving her theory to be true.
When your mom is intent on seeing the wrong things that you do and highlights only the bad there is nothing in the world that can change her mind. Don’t make mistakes on purpose so that she can be happy, you will only be hurting yourself, do things right so that your life can be on track.
Join online support groups
Right now is not the time to isolate yourself, you need an outlet and a support group can help you. Many online support groups are dedicated to talking about toxic relationships between mother and daughter. You can also read our collection of stories about toxic mothers submitted by our readers so that you feel like you are not the only one going through this. If you have not found one, start a journal and write down your thoughts, you need a place to dump all the stuff that is going on in your head.
Plan your future
Your future is in nobody’s hands but yours and this is the perfect time to plan who and what you want to be, even if you are older and have made many mistakes you can still take control of the situation. Seeing that you and your mom cannot get along, you can look for an alternative place to stay, and plan so that you won’t depend on her for anything.
When you have a toxic relationship with your mom you can find yourself internalizing everything that she says and that can affect your future, so please focus on your dreams.
It’s vital that you try not to take to heart what she is saying or you could end up saying to yourself I hate my toxic mother, although normal, it can eat you up inside.
Get some fresh air
Getting out of the house can give you the time to think, go for a walk, or sit in your favorite park and think about things. This will give you time not to say anything that you might regret. It will give you clarity of vision, and help you come up with solutions, when you find yourself feeling like you are not good enough, being out in nature can give you the peace that you crave. This will also give your mom some space, and who knows by the time you come back, she might have a few things to say or apologize.
Spend time in your room
When you and your mom are fighting, the house can get pretty small quickly, you find yourself bumping into your mom at every corner, and she is also bumping into you. The more you are in each other’s faces the more irritated both of you get, if you can, try and spend time alone in your room, reading your books, meditating, and being in your world.
Listen to music
There is nothing like a feel-good song to get you back on track, have a playlist ready for when you are not in the best of moods, and compile a list of happy songs to get you motivated and inspired to carry on.
What to do when my parents call me a failure?
Do not internalize what they are saying, talk to your parents about how this makes you feel. Do things to prove to your parents and yourself that you are not a failure, and give yourself room to make mistakes so that you can learn from them.
Is it OK to call your child a failure?
No, calling your child a failure is never okay and parents should never do that. This affects your child’s confidence and impacts the way they see themselves.
Is it normal not to want to be around your mom?
Yes, is normal to not want to be around your mom especially when you are a teenager, as you get older the relationship between mother and daughter should mature enough that they can be around each other and have a healthy mother-and-daughter relationship.
To round it off
Mom and daughter relationships can be very complicated, a tough relationship with your mom can leave you feeling like you have no one. Seeing that she doesn’t want you to succeed, the onus is on you to make sure that you live a positive and healthy life doing what to you. Hopefully, with professional help, she can look back and say I am a toxic mother and I need to change and that will be the start of a beautiful mother-daughter relationship.