So you have found what you think is the love of your life, you feel butterflies, and want to shout from the rooftop that “I am in love”, oh hold up, it’s not that simple, your mom doesn’t like your boyfriend, he makes you feel good, warm and fuzzy but your mom is not having it.
The question is what should you do? These are the two most important people in your life, surely you can be expected to choose between your mom and your boyfriend? Luckily you do not have to, have a look at what you can do when your mom doesn’t like your boyfriend, you will like the last suggestion.
How do I deal with my mom not liking my boyfriend?
If your mom doesn’t like your boyfriend try and find out the reasons that she wants you to break up with him. Allow her to get to know him and find out what he is like. Reassure your mom that you are capable of making your own decisions and will take responsibility for your mistakes.
6 Things you can do when your mom wants you to break up with your boyfriend
Discuss the situation with her
Has your mother told you why she doesn’t like your boyfriend? If not then this is the right time to ask her why she doesn’t want you to date him. Have a civil conversation with her, and she might surprise you with reasons that you might not have even thought about. There is a possibility that she knows some things about him that you don’t and she is trying to protect you. Or maybe your boyfriend conducts himself in a manner that your mom doesn’t like, it could be anything, try and get to the bottom of why she doesn’t want you to date him.
Stand up to her
When all is said and done this is your life and you are the one who has to wake up to the decisions that you make and you have to live with the consequences. You can remind your mother that you are an individual and you are more than capable of making your own decisions. You can find a nice quiet time to tell her that her controlling ways will ultimately lead to the breakdown of your relationship with her and will cause you to pull away. One of the worst things you can do is to break up with your boyfriend when you are not ready this will leave you saying to yourself I broke up with him but I still love him, followed by thoughts of “I regret breaking up with him” this is not a good position to be in.
The last thing you want is to move out of your mother’s house, find a place of your own and never speak to her again all because of a relationship.
You need to also tell your mother that the more she pushes you to break up with him, the more it makes you want to be with him ( weird, we know). Breaking up because of parents tends to push two people who are in love closer.
Understand where she is coming from
Not all mothers are unreasonable, and your mom most likely has a good reason as to why she doesn’t want you to date your boyfriend. For example, if your boyfriend is a heroin addict there is no way that you can think that your mom is being unfair in this situation. There are so many things that could happen. Her biggest fear would be that you also become a drug addict. Let’s look at another example, if your boyfriend is a college dropout, has no ambitions no plans, and doesn’t even want to get a minimum-wage job, then your mom is also within her right to not approve.
Your boyfriend has the potential of becoming a serious leach on your finances. You can tell yourself that you won’t support him financially but we both know that you will give him money here and there, and there is nothing wrong with that.
And lastly, if you are at university and your grades are dropping because of your relationship with your boyfriend, then give your mom the benefit of the doubt, college is extremely expensive and if you have to repeat another year it’s not only a financial burden but a delay on your future.
Reaffirm your love for her
Did you know that it’s not only boy moms who get jealous when their children start dating, mom of girls can also feel left out? This is especially true if you and your mom were close before your boyfriend came along. You used to spend your weekends shopping, going to restaurants and spa dates, and now that has all changed. Your mom probably feels like you have tossed her outside the window as soon as you fell in love.
Most people make the mistake of focusing all of their attention on the new relationship, and when that goes bust, they are left with no one, don’t be that person. It’s in your best interest to balance all of your relationships, during the weekend don’t spend all two days with your boyfriend, schedule time with your mom even if it’s a few hours on a Saturday, and then go and see your boyfriend.
Keep your love life private life
The next time you date you can hide your relationship from your mom, now there are certain rules you need to follow. If you live with your mom and you don’t want her to know where you are going you can tell your friends or a trusted family member the truth, safety is your priority, and someone has to know where you are.
Hiding your relationship comes with a lot of sneakiness you will have to make sure that you keep any evidence hidden. If your boyfriend buys you a gift you have to keep it in a safe place, if he wants to take you on a weekend away, you have to either lie to your mother about your whereabouts or get a friend to say that you are going to be with her for the weekend. This is a lot of work and can make you extremely suspicious.
Seek outside help
The final thing that you can do is to seek help if your boyfriend is a decent guy, he has done nothing to hurt you, you have kept your grades up, you have a good job and your mom has no reason to dislike him at all, you must seek help. Now it’s always good to start within your circle, if your mom has a sister you can ask her to speak to your mom, it would also be nice if other people outside of your mom spend time with your boyfriend so that they can form a true and honest opinion. It will be easier for them to defend him and call your mom out on her behavior if she doesn’t want you to date him, for no reason.
I remember when my friend came to our friendship group and said to us “my family wants me to leave my boyfriend”, we advised her to seek the help of a close relative and it worked, it was worth a try.
Balancing the relationship between your mom and your boyfriend can be very tricky, it’s all about making both people feel included in your life. Assuming that you have a great relationship with your mom, and she still doesn’t like your boyfriend, then keep it private, if you are still seeing him and she doesn’t approve don’t rub it in her face. If your mom has valid reasons for not liking him and you keep giving him multiple chances, then it’s time to take her advice, she wants the best for you.