Whoo hold up, so your mom wants you to be perfect? In which world is she living in? As far as we know no one is perfect, we all make mistakes and so will you. This is a tricky situation and you need to deal with it as soon as it happens or your mom will continue to put pressure on you to be the perfect child.
We have a few things that you can do when your mom wants you to be perfect, the last point is really interesting, let us know what you think.
11 Things that you can do when your mom wants you to be perfect
In the case of your mom wanting you to be perfect, you should speak to her and make her understand that you are good at most things but you can never be perfect and she should not expect this of you.
Maker her understand
Your relationship with your mom may have changed over the years, it’s very common for moms and daughters to lose the connection that was formed during the early years. This is a great time to make her understand and meet you halfway. To be fair to her, she might not be familiar with the person that you are today, but in her mind, you are still that daughter she knew who was good at this or that and who wanted to be a lawyer.
If you have changed tell her, let her know you no longer do certain things, your dreams have changed and what you are good at has also changed. Keep an open dialogue about your challenges and what you need support with, your mom was once your age, and she knows and understands.
You can be good at everything but not perfect
Duh, you don’t need to be a rocket scientist for me to tell you that you cannot be good at everything, that is impossible, even the best athletes have areas in their lives that need work. Your mom needs to understand that just because you are not perfect in the area that she expects you to be, you cannot thrive in other areas. It’s okay to keep working on yourself and improve over time.
Remind her of who you are
It’s so important for your mom to accept that you are not her, nor are you any of your siblings. Just because your siblings are good at what she wants them to be good at doesn’t mean the same will apply to you. Remind her that you need to grow in a way that will help you evolve as an individual and not a clone. She needs to understand that the way things worked when she was growing up no longer applies to you. I would be happy if my child was confident enough to be unique.
Put yourself in her shoes
Let’s put our emotions aside and think for a minute, what if you had a child who was like yourself? Would you want someone like you as your child? Are you doing every that you can do to better yourself so that your mom can be proud of you? Or are you difficult, not focused? Chasing the wrong people and don’t have a plan for your life? Think about it, If you are not giving the best that you can in life, your mom is doing the best that she can with what she has, and that is you.
Every mom wants the best for their children but that can sometimes lead to impossible expectations, I for one know that I am not perfect and I am okay with that.
Say what you mean
Keeping quiet is not going to get you anywhere, ask her why she wants you to be perfect and how she expects you to attain the level of perfection that she is after. Does she expect you to be perfect at home, at school, or in life? Does she want you to be the best in your class or does she want you to get the best job in the world for her to see you as perfect?
Don’t approach the subject when the both of you are angry, find a time when she is sitting and watching television or at night before she goes to sleep, your approach should be one of understanding and not confrontation.
Redirect your life
Shift the focus from her criticism to achieving your dreams. Let go of the guilt that you are not smart enough or pretty enough and direct all that energy that you are using to talk down on yourself to figure out what makes you happy. Take responsibility for the direction of your life, the worse thing that you can do is to lose sight of the things that you want to achieve just because you feel like you are not the perfect child.
Trying to live up to what your mom wants will have you always thinking I have to be perfect, but when you focus on yourself you soon realize and say to yourself I don’t have to be perfect.
If you are in a position to move out then do so, why stay in a place where you have to walk on eggshells trying to please your mom? Don’t move out when the issue is still hot, let it cool down, and when you have your finances in order you can leave.
It’s always best to plan things and make sure that you won’t be coming back, the situation will be a lot worse if this happens. Rather stay and work out how you will pay for rent and sustain yourself, even if it takes a few months or even a year, the better planning that you can do the happier you will be.
Don’t feel guilty
You can’t blame yourself for your mom’s unrealistic expectations, it’s not your fault she wants you to be squeaky clean. Your mom is allowed to tell you what she thinks, but don’t let that get you down.
Show her respect
No matter how annoying your mom is, she will always be your mom and that alone is enough reason to show her respect. Your mom has raised you and has hopes that you will have a secure future, yes, I know this doesn’t mean that she should expect you to be perfect, but wait a minute, raising children is hard, it doesn’t matter if your mom had support or not, the act of raising a child deserves recognition. Your mom may have worked hard to give you everything that you have always wanted and this makes her have high expectations
If being at home is not nice then you should go out as often as you can, but don’t overdo it. If you have any, try and spend more time with your friends, boyfriend, or coworkers. If you don’t have anyone to hang out with then plan solo activities, you can go to your local library or go and see a movie by yourself.
Let it out
Bottling things up will only make you feel even sadder that’s why it is good to have someone you can talk to. If you have siblings and you trust that they will not say anything to your mom then talk to them, if you have a good relationship with your father he can also be a confidant, he can also help keep your mom in check.
Why does my parent want me to be perfect?
Parents who want their children to be perfect are projecting their insecurities onto their kids. If your parents expect you to be perfect with no mistakes they need to manage their expectations.
What is the perfect child syndrome?
The perfect child syndrome is with you have pressure to be the good child, the perfect child, the child who doesn’t make any mistakes. This is can have you always in crisis mode and you end up suppressing your emotions because you want to do what you think will make your parents happy without being true to what you want.
What is a golden child?
The golden child is the child who the family favors, this child appears to be good at what his or her parents want. The parents are often proud of the golden child and speak about him/her all the time.
To wrap it up
Deep breath in and out, you can do this, you can speak to your mom about how this makes you feel, one step at a time. If you are not ready to speak to her, the best thing that you can do is zoom in and focus on what you want, and what you are good at, remember the goal is to be happy, not perfect.