It’s kind of abnormal if you think about it, having a mother who never asks you how you are, when we think of our moms, words like love, protection, and reassurance come to mind. But we all know that not every mom and daughter have a good relationship. Even if you and your mom are on speaking terms, when she never asks you how you are it still comes across as weird, don’t you think?
Okey-dokey, in this post, I will tell you the reasons why your mom never asks you how you are, these all are validated, researched reasons and as a bonus, I will share a few tips that you can try.
7 Reasons why your mom never asks you how you are
Your mom never asks you how you are because she thinks that you are fine, you are good at hiding your emotions and to your mom, you look, act, and appear to be well.
She is getting old
If you have had the privilege of growing up with grandparents you might have noticed that the older they get the more they ramble, it’s an age thing, and yes all of us will eventually get old and ramble. Let’s get back to the point, so depending on how old you are, you might have an older mom. More often than not your mom might go on and on about her day or just straight into asking you when you will do this or that, and skip the whole “ how are you doing, is everything okay?” speech.
Pro tip: Well your mom is getting old and she might not be doing it on purpose, so what you can do is have a bit of patience, give her the time to talk, and then tell her how you are, even if she doesn’t ask, you can let her know, the important thing is to not take any offense, do you think you can do that?
You act like everything is fine
Suppose you are not good at showing your emotions and you never express yourself, you have always survived by being the strong one, the family member that everyone can depend on. It’s not surprising to see why your mom would automatically assume that you are okay, in her head your look and act fine and she doesn’t need to worry or ask you how you are.
Pro tip: It’s okay to let others especially your mom know when you are not well, I can almost bet that your honesty will push the two of you closer.
She is not ready to hear the answer
Whoo, slow down, and let’s think about this, your mom might not be ready for the answer, yes friend this happens all the time. Some people don’t ask questions like “ How are you?” because they don’t want to know the answer. It’s natural for people to run away from drama and your mom might be thinking that if you are not okay, you may expect her to help you with whatever it is that is bothering you.
You can tackle this by making telling your mom that you need her to listen, and when you are not fine it doesn’t mean that you want her to swoop in and save you.
She has a different way of communicating
You can’t expect your mom to have the same love language as you, that would be expecting too much, both of you are different people and she grew up in a different generation than you. But, it’s not unreasonable for you to want her to at least act like she wants to know how you are doing.
So how can I handle this?
First, you must understand her style of expressing herself, for example, it’s very common for moms who have done something wrong to not apologize verbally to their children, but it’s common for these moms to apologize with a gesture for example, they might buy a gift or cook their children’s favorite meals and that is their way of saying sorry.
So your mom might not be obsessed with asking you how you are, but she might show you that she cares by reminding you to do certain things or paying off your car note for you.
She is preoccupied with her life
Well, the good thing is your mom has a life and won’t be a bother, but the bad news is she’s missing out on your pain and struggles and she is oblivious to the fact that this affects you.
Pro tip: Ask her if the two of you can have a lady’s night in or out, and observe how she asks. If she still only talks about herself and her life, you might have a selfish mother on your hands.
What can I do about it?
You must be mindful. Your mom might be preoccupied not with a social life but she could be going through a lot of emotional things that she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing with you.
But if she not going through anything emotional and is simply all about herself you can do the following.
When she is talking you can interrupt her mid-sentence and as something sarcastic like “ I am good thanks you for asking mom”, or something like “ Well I don’t mean to bother you about my life, but I can see that you are preoccupied”. If she has any mom instincts lefts she will react and more often than not turn the attention onto you and you can take it from there.
She is a self-seeker
Oh, child, you know how we feel about mothers who are narcissists and if you have been with Her Darling Life for a while you will know how we deal with their behavior. Essentially if she displays narcissistic traits you have to decide if this is worth fighting for, do you want a relationship with someone who purposefully chooses to not ask you how you are doing? Because we know that narcissists thrive on the knowledge that someone is laying awake at night thinking about them.
She has her favorites
Your mom may like to talk to your brother or sister because that is who she feels the closest to, growing up you might have noticed how different the relationship between the two of you is, this usually happens when the mom has not formed a sufficient bond with her child
Pro tip: This is not your fault and you should not internalize this behavior, you should focus on not treating your kids or future kids the way that your mom has treated you.
To wrap it up
I hope you have gone from asking yourself “ why does my family never asks how am “ to “my mother is not interested in my life and I am okay with that”. The goal is not to mimic the same behaviors as your mom, sure the fact that this happens all the time sucks, but you can choose how you will respond and the best response is sometimes no response.