My Friend Told Me To Shut Up ( 8 Solutions You Can Try)

Oh no, your friend did it, she told you to shut up and now you are fuming, you have every right to be, being told to shut up is a horrible way to get someone to stop talking, it’s also the worse form of communication. 

We have compiled a list of 8 things that you can do when your friend tells, you to shut up, but remember, first and foremost to just breathe. 

Is it rude to tell someone to shut up?

Yes, telling someone to shut up is rude. Shut up is seen as a degrading word, and if someone tells you to shut up it is disrespectful. You can call that person to order but tell them they should stop telling you to shut up

What to do when someone tells you to shut up?

You must address the situation as soon as it happens. You can tell that person that you don’t appreciate being spoken to in that manner and that you have a right to voice your opinions. 

8 Things that you can do when your friend tells you to shut up

Be straightforward

The best way to nip this in the bud is to be straightforward and not beat around the bush, If you respond ambiguously or laugh when your friend tells you to shut up, you are sending confusing signals. Your friend will assume that you are fine with how she speaks to you and this type of behavior will most likely continue. Don’t be afraid of putting on a straight face and telling your friend that you don’t like what she said, even if she meant it as a joke.  

Confront repetitive behavior

Unless you are playing the shut up game, when you are told, oh shut up it is not okay. If this is not the first time then you can remind your friend that she is doing it again, especially if you voiced your grievance to her before. Your friend should not make a joke at your expense or take out her frustrations on you. Simply say something like, “you are doing it again”, trust me she is aware of her behavior. 

Set clear boundaries

When you have set boundaries it will be hard for your friend to continue. Calling her out immediately will not only embarrass but shock her. At some point, she will conclude that you can’t be walked over and this game is not fun anymore. Friendships are not only about having fun but setting the tone for how we want to be treated.

Change the topic

You can change the topic for various reasons, firstly if you tell your friend you don’t like being told to shut up and you don’t want the atmosphere to be awkward you can change the topic. Secondly if telling each other to shut up is something that both of you say often you can change the topic, leave it and turn the conversation into something more appealing.

Walk away

You heard me, you can leave at any time that you want, especially if you have called her out and set boundaries and she still refuses to change how she speaks to you. Once she starts depending on where you are, you can tell her that you are leaving and that you will talk to her later or some other time. If your friend can’t have a mature conversation with you then you are free to get up and leave. No friendship law says that you have to stay or let your friend tell you to shut up a million times to prove your loyalty. After this, I honestly doubt that she would ever try something like that again.

Think about the future of the friendship

I was once in a similar situation, a friend of mine used to tell me that I am stupid, and even though she said it jokingly it started to get to me. I waited until she said it again and I immediately proceeded to tell her that I didn’t like her behavior and that if she continued I would not hang out with her as much. It was important for me to tell her because she started to jokingly call me stupid in front of other people, can you see how this type of behavior can quickly escalate if not handled right from the beginning? 

Anyway, if she is one of those stubborn friends and this is honestly something that has been weighing heavy on you, don’t end the friendship but start hanging out with other friends and doing things without her, if she cares she will eventually come and ask you what has changed and you can use that as an opportunity to tell her that you don’t like being told to shut up. 

Don’t say or do anything

This is a little weird, but if you are not bothered by this, then don’t say or do anything. Friendships have different dynamics some friends harshly speak to each other, and this comes from both sides. Have you ever seen in movies how some friends call each other the B words and to them, it’s completely normal? Saying degrading words to swearing at each other in some communities is seen as some sort of love language, weird, I know. We will unpack this one in detail at another time. 

However be warned, if this is eating you up, your silence can be taken as agreeing to what your friend is saying, if you want this to stop, you have to stand up for yourself.

Retaliate by also telling her to shut up

This can be seen as a little immature but sometimes you can put your friend in her place by also telling her to shut up. As her friend you are free to speak when you like, your friendship is not a maximum security prison where you have to abide by what you are being told to do. If she always tells you this, then it’s time for you to stand up for yourself, go ahead and tell her to shut up. 

Why do I hate being told to shut up?

Being told to shut up is not a nice feeling, if leaves you feeling like your opinions are not valid, it also creates self-esteem issues and leaves you second-guessing your thoughts.


It is not uncommon for a friend to test our boundaries, most people do it innocently to see how far they can get. You can put a full stop when your friend tells you to shut up at any time, you also don’t have to wait for the right time. The perfect time is right after you are told to shut up. Sometimes our friends need to be taught the right way to communicate with us. If all else fails, when your friend tells you to shut up, you can tell her to shut down or simply reply with you shut up.