Everyone has days when they think they do not look good, it is natural to feel like you should look a little better now and again. The trick is to not let these thoughts consume you. What happens when your friend is the one who thinks she is “ugly” what should you do or say?
Why does my friend call herself ugly?
When your friend constantly calls herself ugly it’s because she has low self-esteem, she needs positive reinforcements.
Social media pressure and standards
We all love social media, but even I have to admit that it can sometimes feel like the people on Instagram are all supermodels except me. Your friend could have been influenced by what she sees on social media, if she spends all her time online scrolling for hours at a time encourage her to put her phone down and spend less time on social media.
She has never been told that she is pretty
It may seem quite strange to you, but some people have never been told that they are beautiful. Not everyone comes from a supportive family, not everyone had great friends when they were growing up. My mom used to tell me I look good even when I didn’t, and that helped to boost my self-confidence. If she doesn’t have a solid support system that has always told her she is enough, then guess what? She won’t know that she is good-looking.
Someone told her that she is ugly
Some people can be very cruel, I remember a time when there was a guy who wanted me to be his girlfriend, I refused and he retaliated by saying that I was ugly. I knew that that was far from the truth, but my feelings were bruised when he said it, even though I knew he said it out of hurt and anger, my ego did take a knock. Depending on your friend’s age, and the type of guys that she has dated, what happened to me may have also happened to her. She might have taken it way too personally and it stayed with her all of these years.
She sees you as prettier than she is
Whooo, can we touch on having friends who are prettier than us? If we are honest, it’s intimidating, right? Sure our friends love us and we love them, but sometimes having a friend who gets all the attention can have you feeling a little jealous. Once again these feelings are perfectly normal as long as you don’t do anything dangerous to your friend.
Back to the main point…. If you are what society deems as really attractive and she is not, then at times she will feel like no one gives her any attention when you are around. Check out the second point on what to do when this happens.
She has self-esteem issues
Low self-esteem can manifest itself in several ways, with your friend her main focus is on the way that she looks. She needs to have a win, something that she can be proud of. Some people are not what society deems as “pretty” but they still have a lot of self-confidence. So is wanting to look like Selena Gomez or Angelina Jolie the issue? If your friend has overall self-esteem issues, like talking down on herself, and feeling like she never archives anything, then look at the third point on what to do.
What to do when your friend calls herself ugly
Listen to her, just listen
That’s right, just listen, you don’t even have to respond. Often when someone tells us their problems or how they have been feeling our instinct is to immediately give them advice or give them examples of how we also went through similar things. We fail to just listen, if you are not sure if your friend wants advice or not you can ask her before she talks to you.
Talk her into getting professional help
Unless you are a licensed professional you don’t have tools to give her to help. If the issue quickly escalates from her just saying she is ugly into dark thoughts that is an indication that she needs to talk to a professional. Don’t be afraid to give her this option, lots of people seek professional help when they don’t feel good about themselves.
Tell her to tackle the problem
If your friend doesn’t like the way that she looks because she has gained a bit of weight then tell her to go to the gym, and encourage her to eat healthily, the only way that she will start to feel better about herself is if she works on the problem. The same goes for other problems, if she doesn’t like her skin because she has acne then she needs to go see a dermatologist, to help her seek the solutions to her problems.
Reassure her that she is pretty
There is nothing like a friend telling you that you are pretty when you are feeling at your worst. So be that friend who does this, don’t overdramatize it, give her the positive points of her facial features. She might have a noise like Julia Roberts or eyes like Eva Longoria, you get my point, tell her something to make her feel good about herself.
Don’t shame her for how she feels
This is the exact opposite of what you should be doing, shaming her about how she feels. When you do this, you run the risk of her completely closing off on you as a friend. If she constantly says that she is ugly, as annoying as it may be to hear it regularly, try to not make her feel bad about what she says, we are going for positive reinforcements here.
Help her find something that she is good at
If she is good at sports, encourage her to take part in sporting activities in your area. If she loves to paint, sing or dance, these are hobbies that she can do every week. If she is really good, she can sell her artwork, or sing at weddings, parties, or events in and around where you live, this can boost her confidence.
Stand up for her against bullies
There is an unspoken rule, friends should have each other’s back. If she is constantly put down by others in front of you, it’s time that you spoke up. Bullies are the pain of society, if she is being picked on because of how she looks, then you need to have her back. The same rule applies if she is not there, don’t let people bad mouth, ridicule, or mock your friend in your presence.
23 things to say when your friend calls herself ugly
- Is there anything I do to help you feel better
- Do you feel that way or is there something else going on?
- If we would walk down the street I bet everyone would look at you
- You have exotic features
- You are beautiful both inside and out
- Why would you say something like that
- You shouldn’t think about changing the way that you look
- How about we focus on the positive
- God took his time when he was creating you
- I don’t want to ever hear you say that again
- Your beauty turns heads
- I think you are beautiful
- You must be blind if you think so
- I think you are special
- If you are ugly, then why does every guy ask you out?
- Don’t be too hard on yourself
- What you are saying is insane
- Every woman would give their left rib to have flawless skin like yours
- I think you are perfect
- You have a great sense of style
- I brag about you to people, you are the gorgeous friend people love
- Let’s work on the things that you don’t like
- You need your head examined if you think that is true
Finally….
Everyone has days when they just want to sit in bed because they don’t look good, heck, even celebrities have issues with their looks, the problem arises when looking good becomes an everyday obsession. Spending hours in front of the mirror talking down to yourself is not healthy, if this is your friend, spend some time talking to her to find the root cause of why she feels this way. More importantly, help her work on those issues, convince her to join the gym, eat healthily, or work on her talents.