So you planned this wonderful get-together to celebrate your birthday, not only did you go all out and have the food, drinks, and entertainment but you also made sure to invite people who are close to you. Then suddenly…. The party is over, your closest friend ruined it.
Here are some points to consider as to why your friend ruined your party.
Your friend ruined your birthday party because she is jealous. either by acting inappropriately or just being negative it signifies that they are jealous. The attention is on you and they want it all for themselves.
She is jealous
Your friend may be jealous plain and simple, there is no other way to put this. Your friend can see that you have people that are close to you come and support and celebrate with you. She might not like this because she may not have anyone other than you on her side. Jealousy brings out the worst in people, but on the bright side, it can also make us see who our friends truly are.
Your party is going better than hers
So let’s say that she had her party and no one other than you showed up. It may even be that no one bought her gifts, the venue was canceled or it was a gloomy day, this can be anything. She could have wanted to put a damper on your festivities as a way to make herself feel better about her failure to do.
She competes with you
Friends can love each other and friends can also be in a secret competition. Let’s look at it this way. If you have always been the overachiever, the popular one, the nice one that everyone likes, or the helpful one, she would have seen this as a chance to have you fail at something. There is nothing wrong with you, you just make her feel intimidated, for her this is her chance to have you fail at something.
The dynamic between friends is not always clear and linear, have you ever heard of best friends sleepings with each other’s husbands? Yes, when someone competes with you, they want to get ahead, even with a small thing such as a birthday party.
She wants all the attention to be on her
If you didn’t know now, well now you know that narcissists are not always men, when most people talk about narcissists it’s always from them being male. Females can also be narcissistic, which can be a little confusing, that is because by nature females love the attention it’s in us to want to be the best, and have people look at us. But with her ruining your party your attention will naturally shift from a happy party mood to you spending the rest of your night thinking about her, and that is exactly what she wanted. So narcissistic. So is your friend just looking for a little normal attention or is she a narcissist?
She loves the drama
You must understand this, some people love drama, and they thrive on it, the more chaotic the better. It can be emotionally draining to have a friend like this because you never know when the drama will start or finish. Does she like to create drama around herself?
To answer this you have to look at her past and present behaviors namely
Does she always want the attention when it’s on you? Does she always have an emergency and is in crisis mode?
She is selfish
Always me, me me, in other words, it is always about what they want, what makes them happy, and how they can get this or that without considering how it may affect the next person. If you pick up signs that she is selfish, then she most likely doesn’t care about anyone else. If she wants the attention even though it is your party, she doesn’t care, she just wants the attention.
Your friend can mess up your party in different ways, you can end up with a ruined birthday cake, or a ruined birthday outfit or she can dampen the festivities with her attitude.
What to do
Act friendly and polite
Kill them with kindness that is the saying you should try it. When someone does something bad to you can you respond opposite to what they expected most of the time they have a sense of guilt. When you do not say anything, continue as normal, and answer any questions that she has ( it can be about anything, she may try to test and see talk to you to see if you are mad at her).
If she calls, answer the phone, if she sends a text, respond to the text. The trick is to respond to exactly what she says. If she sends you a message after the party saying “ Hey, how are you?” then your response should be “I am good”. You see what I did there, you respond enough to let her know that you are fine, but your one or two-word responses will still indicate that you are not fine, she needs to woman up and come and talk to you.
Find a place to stay if you share an apartment
There is nothing as awkward as staying with a friend you no longer get along with. The silent treatments, the frozen smiles, the quick “hellos”. If you are in this situation then you must find another place to stay. But do this the proper way and honor your lease agreement. While you are looking for a new place to stay be nice but not overall nice, spend time on the internet and look for a new place to stay or move in with someone else. Have a look at your lease agreement to see how much notice you need to give her before you move out.
Tell her how you feel
Yes, I know how will you tell her when you are still mad. Take some time to gather yourself and your thoughts. If need time to calm down, do not speak to her while you are still angry. Instead, when you are ready, call her or arrange a time to talk and get it off your chest.
Create a bit of space
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, maybe if you distance yourself she could see what a valuable friend she had in you. When you do this, if she was a true and close friend, she will come back and if she honestly cares about you, she will ask you what the problem is. Time apart is what could
Should I say goodbye to the friendship?
Knowing when to end the friendship will differ for each individual. However, one of the metrics for this is simple. You have you ask yourself if she has a pattern or repetitive behavior towards you, behavior that has you questioning the friendship from time to time. In addition, there is no point in still being friends if she makes you feel bad about yourself. So the second question you have to ask yourself is, do I feel, sad, and gloomy, or my energy is always drained after spending time with her? If your answer is yes, then you know what you need to do.
How to fix a ruined birthday
Having your birthday party ruined can have you feeling like “my friend ruined my life” if this is not the first time you might be saying to yourself “my friend ruined our relationship” and rightfully so. Other than having a ruined birthday redo there is nothing that you can do. Don’t let what happened to you leave you feeling like oh man, now I hate my birthday. For your next birthday if she is still that same person who ruined your day you can choose to not invite her. For now, thank those who came and celebrate making it to another year.