“Remember when you did this, remember when you did that”, aargh why does your friend keep bringing up the past? is she obsessed with history? Is it because you did something and you never asked for forgiveness? Or she is a bitter aunty about something that happened, either way, Darling you need to get to the bottom of this so that your past can be left in the past for good.
Your friend bringing up the past is not something you should tolerate she should learn to move on. If she has a problem with whatever it is we can sit here the whole day thinking about what you did, in the meantime have a look at some of the reasons that she might be doing this.
6 Reasons why your friend keeps bringing up the Past
Your friend constantly bridging up the past may be because she has not forgiven you for something or she wants you to take responsibility for whatever happened, she may also be doing this to make you feel embarrassed and ashamed.
She is jealous
Do you know what happens when you start getting your life back in order? Well, people like your friend might bring up your past so that they can put a damper on your progress. Some friends will tell you that they are jealous but some will keep quiet and act like your friend. I wouldn’t call it human nature, it’s more evil girl nature where other people cannot stand the fact that you are changing your life, and your friend might be one of them.
She is bitter
People love bringing down other people because they are bitter, your friend may be bitter about her life, bitter about her choice, and just overall a bitter Nancy. She may love to ridicule you about your most embarrassing moments because she is bitter. Her bitterness doesn’t have to come out as mean but she can say something to you like” Remember that time you had a crush on John and he said that he didn’t like you, he was stupid”. As you can see that this comment comes out as supportive but is it?
She gets a kick out of it
She knows that you are self-conscious about your past and she knows it doesn’t make you feel good and she gets a kick out of seeing you squirm. She likes making fun of you as a joke. This might be all innocent and friends do this to each other all the time but if it hurts you then we have a problem.
She is using it to blackmail you
Wow, yes Darling this might be what your best friend is doing. She might be subtly emotionally blackmailing you without you even realizing it. Does she bring up your past when you argue? Because if she does it this is her way of getting you to keep quiet and is a form of blackmail. She may bring up the past for you to act a certain way because she knows that you are self-conscious about your past.
The best way to figure this out is to observe your reaction when she starts talking about what you did or didn’t do years ago. Do you apologize for what happened? Do you immediately keep quiet? Or do you go home with feelings of shame and try to please your friend?
She wants you to apologize again
Okay, I will give you the benefit of the doubt, in your defense maybe you did say that you are sorry for whatever happened in the past but for your friend that one sorry from you is still not enough. So try to apologize one more time and see how she handles it.
She is hurt
You cannot be lifelong friends with your friend and not argue from time to time it’s what friends do. I would be a little wary if you guys never argued, what kind of friendship would that be? You might not know this but she might still be holding a grudge for something that happened two months ago or even 2 years ago. Ya I know it’s like “ Why was she keeping quiet all this time”. Her hurt might come across as her bringing up the past, so she may want you to apologize but is too scared to tell you.
7 Things that you can do when your friend keeps bringing up the Past
If your friend keeps bringing up the past you should sit down with her and let her tell you the real problem the both of you should come up with a solution and she should promise not to bring it up again.
Understand that her behavior is not normal
Talking about what happened in 2010 should be left in 2010 come on we are in a new decade, her behavior is not normal and she should be dealt with.
Hear each other out
You don’t have to completely cut your friend off but at some point, you have to talk to her about how this is making you feel. You must also give her a chance to say everything that is has been holding back. Brushing things under the carpet is never a good idea because when the two of you have a huge fight all the issues from the past can come out.
Reevaluate the friendship
Ya, remember when you were growing up and your mom told you “Not every who calls themselves your friend is a true friend”? Well, this is one of those cases where you have to be okay with possibly letting the friendship go. Life is too short and valuable to spend it with someone who still holds your past against you. Even if you did things that she didn’t agree with, even if you were a different person back then, the point is now you are no longer that person and your friendship might also no longer be what it was.
Darling, it’s not always easy to be the bugger person but someone has to be. The reason that I say that you should apologize again is that if you intend to no longer be her friend apologize so that you can see if she will still bring up the past and if she does this then you know that the friendship is not for you.
Do something nice for her
If it does turn out that you are the bad guy in all of this then there is nothing wrong with treating your friend to a day of self-care, do this together so that you a see if she has healed and I mean this is a win-win situation, you get to be forgiven and you get to spend a nice relaxing day at the spa with Champagne, AH, the life.
If your friendship is affected by your past actions, you should forgive yourself for the person that you were back then. You didn’t know better and now you do, the past is there to teach us a lesson, and Darling, I know that you have learned yours.
The next time she does it, be direct and ask her immediately why she does what she does. It could very well be that she will turn around and start throwing accusations at you but then you’ll know what kind of person she is. It will be up to you whether you want to stay friends with her or not but you’ll already know what you have to put up with.
What to say when someone brings up your past (14 Things that you can say)
- “ Thank you for your concern but I am focusing on the present”
- “ Why do you like to talk about my past?”
- “Is there a reason why we keep revising the same topic, is there something that I am missing?”
- “I have already apologized for what happened do you want to talk about it?”
- “ I know about my past, but I am looking forward to my future”
- “ Please don’t bring up my past I don’t like it”
- “ I am in a new chapter in my life and it doesn’t involve me talking about the past”
- “ There is peace in focusing on the present”
- “ Who I was back then is not who I am right now”
- “ You have become obsessed with the past, its time for you to be obsessed with the future”
- “The past is not exciting, the future is”
- “ People with the worst pasts can create great future”
- “ I have forgiven myself for my past mistakes, you should move on”
- “ I am happy that I have a past, it has shaped who I am”
In the end
So much drama how did we get here? It’s time to put on your big girl panties and tell your friend” We need to talk about you bringing up the past, why do you keep on doing that?” and get the answers that you need, the past is great for reflecting but no one wants it thrown back in their face, Good luck, Darling.