Why don’t you want Rodger, he was a good boyfriend, have you seen his new girlfriend she is hot? Rodger this, Rodger that, your friend is starting to sound like a broken record why does she bring up your ex all the time? You would swear that she wants him.
You are not wrong for being irritated when your friend keeps bringing up your ex, he is your ex for a reason, you don’t want to hear about him and you don’t want to talk about him, but how do you get your friend to stop?
Before you tell your friend to watch her mouth have a look at the story submitted by one of our readers in Miami, maybe you are going through the same thing.
When your friends are friends with your ex
“Dear Her Darling Life, I broke up with my boyfriend about six months ago, I have moved on and I am happy, the issue is not even with him one of my friends is always talking about him, they are friends but she is closer with me than she is with him. I have never asked about him nor am I interested in what he is doing with his life, but my friend keeps bringing him up whenever we are together. Last week we all went out as the girl and she showed everyone including me a picture of his new girlfriend. She is beautiful but I still don’t care, she also mentioned that theta re moving in together, but guess what? I still don’t care, I don’t mind and I still don’t care if she is friends with him. I know how to separate my friendships but why does my friend keep talking about my ex, this is weird”. -Yoli- Miami
6 Reasons why your friend keeps bringing up your ex
Your friend keeps bringing up your ex because she might want to get a reaction out of you and see if you still love him, she may be doing all of this because she has ulterior moves like a crush on your ex or she loves to see you hurt.
He said something about you to her
You can never completely trust an ex, that is why they are your ex, your relationship didn’t work out for a reason, maybe he told her to talk about him to see where your head is at, once again darling we are speculating here.
She enjoys seeing you hurt
I do not doubt that your friend loves you and you love your friend but she might be one of those friends who secretly love it when other people are hurt. Think about it, if you had not moved on and found a new boyfriend and you were still in love with your ex seeing your ex with a new girlfriend may have broken your heart, thank goodness you have moved on. Female friendships are full of backstabbing, lying, and fierce competition, your fright might get joy out of seeing you hurt, watch out.
She thinks she can tell you what to do
Friendship is one of those funny relationships because when you are friends with someone your friend can sometimes feel like they have power over you, like they have a say on what you do with your life. I don’t know the dynamics in your friendship but your friend might like telling you what to do, she may feel like she has a say on what happens in your life, and her bringing up your ex it’s her way of saying “I don’t approve of your choices, I liked your ex better” strange I know.
She is looking for gossip
If your friend is still friends with your ex then her behavior screams ammunition, maybe your ex told her to get as much information about you as possible or maybe she is getting all this information on her own and no one gave her instructions to snoop, this is her way of getting gossip, seeing your reaction and maybe start spreading rumors who know where her head is at.
They are friends
I don’t like it when my friends are friends with my ex Lucky for me this only happened once and has never happened again, she might be bringing him up not because she wants to hurt you but because they are friends and friends talk about each other all the time. I am sure that you have friends that you talk about with your other friends even though not all of them are friends, her behavior might be innocent and habitual.
She has a crush on him
You might be thinking but she is my friend why would she have a crush on my boyfriend, does this mean that she is a jealous friend? This might be her way of checking to see if you still love him, this would not be the first time a friend has had a crush on another friend’s boyfriend this happens all the time.
She thinks you still love your ex
Your friend knows you the best maybe you have said to her “I want my boyfriend back” but you didn’t mean it, you could have said those words before you met your new boyfriend.
4 Things that you can do when your friend keeps bringing up your ex
When your friend keeps bringing up your ex, you should tell her to immediately stop and ask her one last time to never bring him up again. If she is friends with him she must find ways to separate the two friendships or pick a side.
Call her out immediately
Your friend’s behavior is starting to put a strain on the friendship, you need to call her out and tell her to stop, why not say something like” Okay, wow, I am happy for him, but I do not want to hear about him or his new girlfriend”. There is no need for you to sugarcoat anything, people like your friend like to get a reaction out of awkward situations.
Stop sharing information about your life
We know that your friend is sharing information about your ex with you but how sure are we that she is not going to your ex-boyfriend and doing the same? You can share general information about your new boyfriend but don’t go into too much detail until we know where your friend’s thinking is at.
Unfriend her, but not yet you should unfriend her when you know that she is not listening to you when she keeps bringing up your ex and making you feel uncomfortable, and when she still brags about how beautiful your exes’ new girlfriend is. You should never unfriend someone unless you have reached your breaking point, and you are allowed to reach your breaking point because you have moved on and you don’t want to keep hearing about your ex.
Be more discreet about what you say
I am sure that you value your friend and a big part of friendship is sharing information, but maybe for now you keep your lips sealed until you know she is not running back and forth revealing secrets. Don’t talk about your relationship with friends who are still friends with your ex, it’s just weird. You and your ex have moved on and hearing about your ex may open up old wounds. Now you have to share a little bit of information about yourself and your love life otherwise your friend will feel like they are in a one-sided friendship and the new thing you know is your friends are leaving you out, they are forgetting about you all because they feel like you don’t share enough information about yourself, that’s not a friendship. But be discrete and choose the friends that you open up to.
It takes a lot of courage to stop your friend from doing something that you don’t like because you might offend them. But your friend needs to be called to order, she needs to pick a side and stay with it or keep quiet about your ex.