While pregnancy is a very personal time, it is also a time that we want to share with our friends. Some women decide not to include anyone during that period, and that is okay. But when it’s your closest friend who decides to keep the pregnancy a secret it can hurt.
We have put together possible reasons and what you should do when your friend doesn’t tell you that she is pregnant.
7 Reasons why your friend didn’t tell you she was pregnant
Her pregnancy is in the early stages
It makes sense for your friend to keep quiet about being pregnant if she is still in the early stages, so many things can happen to the baby. She might not want to get her hopes up and God forbid something happens and she losses the pregnancy.
She and her partner decided to keep it a secret
If her boyfriend or husband wants to keep the pregnancy a secret and only tell one person then they are within their right to do that. If this is the reason your friend is respecting her partner’s wishes and this should not reflect badly on her friendship with you.
She has previous trauma
Once again, pregnancy is a very tough time in a woman’s life, if your friend has had a loss before then it goes without saying that she will proceed with caution with her next pregnancy. If she has had a loss and decides to not tell you about her new pregnancy you should not be mad at her, most women who experience some sort of loss operate from a place of fear. In this case, she needs, love compassion, and understanding.
She didn’t think you had to know
Truth be told that even if you are one of her best friends she doesn’t have to tell you until she feels that the time is right, a secret like this is one of those things you have to learn to brush off or risk ruining the friendship.
She was afraid of how you would react
It could be that the two of you swore to never have children, then BAM, she gets knocked up. If this is the case then she could have been afraid of your reaction, I am childless but not childfree, there are plenty of women who don’t want children and have strong opinions about this, and maybe you are one of them.
She might not keep the baby
It might come as a shock but not everyone who you see pregnant on the streets will keep their baby. If your friend hasn’t decided what she will do, this can be one of the reasons, this depends on the stage of the pregnancy we are working on the assumption that your friend is still in the first trimester. But if you see her tummy growing, that still doesn’t mean that she has decided to keep the baby, she could be thinking about giving it up for adoption.
It’s a cultural thing
In some cultures, pregnancies are kept a secret until the very end, even after a woman has given birth no one is allowed to see the baby for at least two months after it has been born. We come from different backgrounds and your friend could come from a culture where pregnancies are announced only to family members.
What you can do
There are quite a few things you can do, we have listed 7 possible solutions you can try.
Wait for her to tell you
If you heard through the grapevine that your friend is pregnant wait for her to tell you. Don’t take what you heard on her street and report it to her unless it is malicious gossip of course. But if you found out through a credible source such as a mutual friend or her family member, as hard as it may be, wait for her to tell you.
Don’t keep asking her if she is pregnant
When you notice that your friend has gained weight or you hear about her pregnancy if you ask her about it and she denies it, that is your sign that she doesn’t want to talk about it, you must trust that she will open up when she wants to.
Respect her privacy
Her keeping the pregnancy a secret may not even have anything to do with you, she might not be mad at you and simply wanted not to tell you. It’s her right to keep it on the down low until such a time she decides to. Whether her reasons are loss, miscarriages, culture, or anything, she can keep quiet.
Be happy for her
Girl at the end of the day this is your best friend we are talking about, even if she hid her pregnancy from you, you can be happy for her. After all, this could be your adopted niece or nephew coming into this world, sure you are hurt but you can also be happy for her good news.
Get over it
There is a popular line in one of the mainstream media songs, the line goes something like this “ you think you can change me? Get over it”. Just like the singer says, sometimes you just have to get over it. This cant be something that tears the friendship apart especially if you have been friends for a long time.
Know where you stand
As awkward as this is, this is the perfect situation to help you know where you stand within the friendship, I do not think this is grounds for a friendship breakup, but at least you know what she thinks of you. Not everyone you hold dear to your heart will think of you the same.
Dont confront her
Speaking from experience, I had a friend who hid her pregnancy from me because of health complications, it wasn’t until her stomach started getting huge that I asked her “ are you pregnant?”, and she said “yes”. Now I was shocked and a little hurt that she didn’t say anything to top it off I heard rumors that she was pregnant. In any case, she ended up feeling guilty about not telling me, I didn’t have to confront her and ask “why didn’t you tell me that you are pregnant?”. If this is a close and true friend, she will feel some sort of guilt, but if her reasons for keeping quiet are valid, you can let it slide.
Is it normal to lose friends pregnant?
Studies have shown that many friendships break up because one party falls pregnant. That is because pregnancy changes the dynamics and priorities of people. Your friend might suddenly stop going out like she used to and this can cause a rift in the friendship.
How can you tell if your best friend is pregnant?
The usual signs to look out for are weight gain, nausea, and moodiness. If you can see that she has gained a suspicious amount of weight and she has stopped drinking without an explanation, she might be pregnant.
To wrap it up
She could have hidden her pregnancy from you for several reasons, the pandemic took a toll on everyone, and mix that with highly stressful jobs and trying to keep up with the standard of living people just want a balanced life, it doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. If she is someone that you value, reach out and see what she says.