My friend didn’t tell me she has a boyfriend- Why?

When your friend has a new boyfriend you want to hear all the details about her new love interest. You want to know all the deets such as, How tall is he? What does he do for a living? How romantic is he? But sometimes your friend will choose to keep quiet and not tell you anything.

Why does my friend lie about having a boyfriend?

Your friend is hiding her new relationship from you because she wants to make sure that it will work out. If the relationship is still new, she wants to get to know him without the added pressure of family and friends.

You have drifted apart

Sometimes we may think that we have a close relationship with someone and they might not feel the same way that we do. You might think that you and your friend are close but in reality, she just considers you a “normal” friend, not someone who she can confide in. Relationships are intimate, and information about the kinds of people we date is shared only with a close friend.

You should take a step back and reevaluate the relationship. If You are the only one who tells her everything about yourself and she only shares a little information, then she might not think of you as a close friend.

She is afraid he will not be accepted

If she is dating someone who is not considered to be strikingly handsome by society’s standards then she presumably thinks that you will not accept him. If you have ever remarked about an ex-boyfriend that she dated then she will think that you will make the same remarks about her new boyfriend. She could also be dating outside of her “social” standards, many things come into play, she could be dating someone out of her race, sexuality, or economic status. 

One thing to remember is that in society people judge you based on how you look, if have a habit of being judgemental ( even if you don’t mean to be) then your friend won’t want her new man to be around judgy people.

She is secretive by nature

Though it may seem strange, some people are what we call secretive by nature. These are individuals who like to keep information about themselves private. You usually have to ask a lot of questions to find out what is happening in their lives. Your friend could be a secretive person. If this is the case do not take offense, she likes to keep details of what she does to herself.

She has had many boyfriends

I have gone through the “one boyfriend after another phase”. It is not nice especially if you are trying to have a stable relationship with someone. If this is her third or fourth relationship in one year, then she is afraid that you will judge her, not everyone finds their price charming the first, second, third, or even fourth time around.

She doesn’t want to be seen as showing off

If you do not have a boyfriend or have recently had your heart broken by yours then she could be thinking of your feelings. She doesn’t want to come off as showing off or being insensitive.

She is scared he will want you instead

They don’t want to be put in a situation where their” person” is attracted to and flirty with a friend. 3 and 4 are kind of intertwined in some aspects. This scenario can be a sticky one. A brief example. Your best friend in the whole world meets your date and it’s obvious there is an attraction whether it is reciprocated or not on either end you have to decide whether it is insecurities or not you just choose to avoid the possible situation.

She wants the relationship to grow without pressure

Sometimes when we tell people that we are in a relationship it can put added expectations, announcing things prematurely can put too much pressure on a relationship. If your friend is keeping her relationship a secret she may want to see if it will work out.

 If she just met the guy, then it goes without saying that they are still in the “getting to know each other” phase. She wants the freedom and space to allow the relationship to grow, it is not advisable to tell everyone that you are in a relationship if it just started. 

You did not immediately tell her about your boyfriend

So, if you once upon a time also kept your relationship a secret and she found out through a third party, how can you expect her to also tell you about the details of her new man? In this situation is not that she will never say anything, she probably thinks it’s fine to tell you at a later stage just like you may have done.

In closing…….Is it okay that my friend is hiding her relationship from me?

Yes, it is okay, your friend can keep certain information about the relationship to herself until she is ready to spill the beans, as long as she is not keeping him a secret for some obscure reason. Your role as a friend is to of course ask questions here and there, but if you find that she feels uncomfortable or changes the subject, give it some time, she will naturally tell you when she wants to.

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