To have a role in your friend’s wedding is one of the greatest honors, when you are excluded this can hurt so go over these 7 possible reasons before you decide to end the friendship.
The reality is you and your friend can have a great relationship but to her, this might not be enough for her to ask you. Let’s take a look at some of the choices behind your friend’s decision to not make you a part of her wedding party.
Here is why you were not asked to be a bridesmaid
If you were not chosen to be a bridesmaid your friend does not consider you as close to her as you may think. Bridesmaids are people who are selected based on how close the relationship is.
You are not that close anymore
You and your friend may not be so tight. Over time friendships change and evolve, this is why most of us are not friends with people who we grew up with. This is human nature. Look back at the friendship and ask yourself how many times you have called your friend in one month alone. Or how many times has she called you? How long do the conversations last? You might be in constant contact but the conversations that you have could be superficial. Many people are what we call regular acquaintances, these are people that we talk to regularly, we may even go out for lunch, but that does not mean that we are super close. Reevaluate your friendship.
She does not want a huge wedding party
Your friend has a right to want a small wedding party. Some people like to match with the groom. For example, if your friend’s husband-to-be has a party of 3, she may also want a party of three. And if she has sisters then it makes sense that her sisters would be the first choice. But again this is not to say that she can’t bend the rules.
She wants a small wedding with NO wedding party
She might want to have a really small wedding, with no wedding party at all. If this is the case then I would not take offense. Weddings are expensive and financially draining. A lot of people these days prefer to have a small wedding with just the bride and the groom. You can even say that the latest trend is to get married in court and have a small dinner for family and friends. In this case, a wedding party is not needed.
You are unemployed
Going back to the financial issue, weddings can cost a lot of money and if I was unemployed the last thing that I would want is to be a bridesmaid. The bridesmaid’s budget can set you back thousands of dollars. Think of the cost, bridesmaids have the honor of being a part of the wedding, but you have to pay for your dress, shoes, makeup, accessories, flights, and accommodation and on top of that you have to buy the bride a gift. I once had an unemployed friend and she was not made to be a bridesmaid at her sister’s wedding. Your friend might be thinking of your financial situation. If you are unemployed being a bridesmaid can put a huge unnecessary financial strain on you. It can be awkward to talk about this but if you are unemployed try and find out if this is the case.
She is secretly mad at you
Your friend may be mad at you for some reason or another. You would be surprised at the things people can keep bottled up inside. Sometimes a friend can harbor resentment for things that happened in the past, you might not even be aware of this. This is not to say that she doesn’t love you but whatever the situation may be, it is enough for her to not want to have you a part of her wedding party.
She is getting back at you for not asking her
If you did not make your friend a bridesmaid in your wedding then she might also be asking herself why she should make you one of hers. But think about it. What was your reason for not making her a bridesmaid, if you have a valid reason then talk to her about this, she might not understand why you did not include her in your wedding.
She doesn’t want to be upstaged
This reason can be a bit controversial but hey life can be strange. There are thousands of weird stories of brides being jealous of bridesmaids. She may be insecure about her looks, her body, or her overall image. No one wants to be upstaged especially not on the wedding day. Some people see friends as competition. This should not be so, but you would be surprised at how many people feel this way about their friends.
How to deal with not being a bridesmaid
There is no reason to not attend your friend’s wedding, the most important thing is to have boundaries, don’t help with the planning, this responsibility is not for you, let her know how you feel, and if you are still not included you can attend the wedding as a guest.
Let’s look at three things you can do in order to deal with not being a bridesmaid.
Talk to your friend about your feelings
This might seem so obvious but seriously talk to your friend about your feelings, sit her down and talk. One of the best ways to get an answer that you are not sure of is to ask the intended person. You can ask her why she didn’t pick you, but try not to sound desperate or overly upset. The best way would be to slip it into a conversation when you are both relaxed. She might even surprise you with an answer that you did not even think of. Being upset is fine, don’t forget to go to the wedding and show your support.
Congratulate your friend
At the end of the day, this is your friend and depending on how long you have known each other she has most likely been there for you when you needed her. Saying congratulations even though she has not asked you to be a bridesmaid not only shows a high level of maturity but at the core of it shows that you are happy for her and the beginning of her new life.
Don’t involve yourself in the planning of the wedding events
It goes without saying that if you are not the bridesmaid then don’t involve yourself in the planning of the bridal shower, bachelorette, and so forth. Your friend can’t expect this of you, and if she does then you must excuse yourself from the planning side of things. It is perfectly fine to attend all these events however you need to protect your feelings and support her from a distance.
I feel rejected by my friend
Of course, you do, this is the one special moment every bestie dreams of, to be there for your best friend on her special day is not only a sign of being a true friend but truly is an honor. If you feel hurt and rejected for not being a part of the wedding you need to allow yourself to feel what you feel and when you feel it. This is the only way that you can get past these emotions.
Feeling sad after rejection is a normal feeling, but you need to tread carefully because if left undealt the pain from rejection can last a long time. But before you end the friendship, try and think back, has she been a great friend to you? Did she tell you why she has not made you the maid of honor or at least one of her bridesmaids? If this is the only “rejection” scenario then do not dwell on these feelings for too long. Rejection has a way of turning into resentment if not managed in time.
And of course, the most important question you might be thinking is……..
Should I attend the wedding?
If you still value your friend and what your friendship stands for then you should attend the wedding. If she attended your wedding then yes, you should go. You don’t want to be seen as a little jealous, and besides even if you are not one of the bridesmaids who is to say that your friend would not want you there?
Being a guest can also be a lot of fun, save yourself the trouble of potentially becoming like the character Annie from the movie bridesmaids. Attend the wedding in good spirits, you might have more fun than the actual bridesmaids.
Everyone dreams of being there for their best friend when they get married. But things do not always go the way that we may have imagined, if you have not been asked it can be a hard issue to get over. Before you write off the friendship hear what she says, she may have a good reason as to why she did not ask you to be a part of the wedding. If the two of you have had a great friendship then there is no reason for you not to attend the wedding, so put on your dress, have a smile on your face, and go and support your friend.