“Don’t do this and don’t do that”, it’s one thing to be told what to do by your mom, and it’s another thing when the instructions come from your friends…Errr… didn’t your friend get the memo that she is not your mom? What makes her think she can act like a ‘stand-in parent?’ Did you even ask her to act like your mom?
Many things make our friends act like “mommy figures”, some characteristics of such friends are more evident than others. It can be frustrating to have a friend who goes into “mommy” mode on you, think about how Kris Jenner or Yolanda Hadid go into “mommerger” mode on their kids. It can be exhausting especially when you did not ask for it, but what can you do?
Before you tell your friend to stop acting like your mom, look at a few possible reasons why she does this and what you can do to stop this behavior, the last solution will make your jaw drop.
Why does my friend act like my mom? ( 5 Reasons why your friend acts like your mom)
Your friend acts like your mom because she is used to being in control, your lack of willpower or independence in your friendship is the reason she feels like she can tell you what to do, when to do it, and give you advice like your mom would.
She thinks she knows it all
If I had to choose between my friend acting like a child or acting like my mom I am not sure which one I would choose, but if your friend thinks she can order you around like your mom it depends on several reasons, she might be the person her family goes to for advice, she might be smart academically or she might be in a long-term relationship. As weirds as it sounds people who have been in long-term relationships think that they can give anyone advice because they have been with the same partner for years, and it can be annoying.
She is older than you
I am older than some of my friends and because of that, I have a natural desire to help than out so that they don’t make the same mistakes that I did. Suppose your friend is like me and she is older, she might be acting like your mommy because she has more experience than you do and she doesn’t want you to make the same mistakes.
She is a natural mother
Well, coughs, if your friend is a mom, it’s a no-brainer that she acts like a mom to you, friends who have children all of a sudden tend to want to ‘mother Teresa’ anyone and everyone they come across, this is not your friends fault her DNA has been switched from friendship mode to mother mode. So she naturally wants to take care of everyone including you.
The friendship has no boundaries
Many people get into friendships without setting boundaries which is strange because when we get into romantic relationships we set boundaries but we don’t do the same for friendships. Boundaries on what your friend can and cannot do or act like, including yourself should be set from the beginning of the friendship. It will save you and your friend the headache of having an awkward conversation about why either of you is acting a certain way, so set those friendship boundaries.
She has an overbearing personality
Your friend could be acting like your mom because that is who she is, her personality is naturally overbearing and controlling, she loves to take charge of situations and likes to feel in control of what she does and everyone around her.
6 Things that you can do when your friend acts like your mom
You can handle her behavior in two ways, you can ask her politely and calmly to let you make your own decisions and stop telling you what to do or you can choose to ignore her when she starts acting like your mom.
Look at how you behave
Your friend didn’t act like your mom out of the blue, there must have been something that told her that you needed her “mom” intervention. Darling look at your behavior, how do you act around your friend? Do you put your friend on a pedestal and she makes all the decisions in the friendship? Do you always take her advice even if you know that it’s wrong? You may create opportunities for your friend to act like your mom without even realizing it, so slow down.
Take control
It’s one thing to admire your friend but another to have her act like a second mom, when will you guys have the chance to talk about things friends talk about? Take control of how you act, your friend might give you good advice and she might be ‘perfect’ in your eyes but your life is your responsibility. Even if you give her a chance to help you out, your life is your responsibility, dont give it away to a friend whom you look up to.
Make her stop mothering you
Well, Duh, she is the one who is acting like your mom and she is the one who needs to be told to stop acting like a stand-in parent. When she starts speaking in her ‘mommy’ voice, tell her to stop it and that you can handle whatever situation that you are facing.
How do I make her stop
You can stop your friend from acting like your mom by immediately interrupting her when she starts shouting when she starts giving your unwanted advice, and when she is mad at you for not doing what she wants. You can say something along the lines of “ Friend, I value your input, but I think I need to be given the space to make my own mistakes, if things don’t turn out the way that I want them to, it’s okay, I will deal with the consequences of my actions”
You can also have an honest discussion with her and call her out when she starts acting like your mom, you can remind her when she is acting like your mom by saying something like “ Friend, remember we spoke about you acting like my mom? Well you are doing it again, LOL”
Set clear friendship boundaries
Let her know when you need he to act like a mom and when she needs to just be a friend. If you are going through a terrible breakup and she says to you “ I told you that guy was not good for you” you can let her know that she has switched on her mommy mode. A friend would say something like “ I knew his ass was not right, girl what do you need me to do?”, can you see the different ways that friends and moms will respond to the same situation. Set boundaries of what she can say, and hopefully, she will figure out when her ‘mommy’ opinions are needed.
What do friendship boundaries look like?
Let your friend know that you are not looking for her to save you your fix your problems, you want her to be supportive. Sometimes you don’t even need or want your friend to give you advice you just need her to listen, you want someone to vent to, so let her know if you need advice or if you are letting out your frustrations.
Look at things from her perspective
The good thing is that she is your friend and not your mom, so you can call her out on her behavior. The same goes if your friend is an older sibling, speaking for myself I know that I am naturally overprotective of my friends and occasionally act like a mom but that is because I am the firstborn child in my family. So having a younger sibling has taught me to sometimes the that ‘mommy’ figure whether I am aware of it or not, so look at this from all angles.
Fix your problems
Your friend might act like your mom because you have no idea how to fix your problems, you always look to her to make everything right for you. If you don’t want this behavior to continue, then fix your issues. Learn to trust your instincts, trust your actions and trust your gut, you don’t always need a second opinion otherwise everyone will end up acting like your mom.
To wrap it up, Darling
A friend who acts like a parent can be a good and a bad thing, well the great news is that you know that she wants the best for you, and the bad news is….AAARGH, sometimes you want your friend to only act like a friend and not like an overbearing mom friend who tells you what you do. I am sure you already have a mom who does that and is not looking for a mother figure. Darling, you know what I always say, and that is terrible behavior like your friend acting like your mom needs to stop, when will you have a nice girls’ evening watching movies and drinking wine if she acts like your mom? Good luck.