Your ex-friend being obsessed with you and you being obsessed with your ex-friend is one of the weird but very relatable situations. Both of you are no longer friends and neither one of you wants to be friends but at the same time you can’t stop checking each other’s social media profiles.
So you walk around town with your head split into two asking yourself” I am obsessed with my ex-friend, why?” And “My ex-friend is obsessed with me, but why?”. You know I have the answer, so have a look at some steps that you can take to become a little sane again.
I’m obsessed with my friend who cut me off
“Dear Sindi, I have a strange story, my friend and I are no longer talking to each other but we can’t seem to leave each other. I would say that she is obsessed with me, but I am ashamed to admit that I am a little obsessed with her. We used to live together and things didn’t go as planned. We ended up fighting because living with each other was a nightmare. So I moved out, and we have never really spoken after I left. She is always on my social media looking at what I am doing and our friends have told me she has been asking about me. But I have also been stalking her social media. I feel like a lot still needs to be said. I don’t consider her a friend, nor do I want her to be my friend, but I need to know why is my ex-friend obsessed with me and I am obsessed with my ex-friend, what could be the problem?” – Jaz- Los Angeles
12 Things you can do when your ex-friend is Obsessed with You and You are Obsessed with Her
If your ex-friend is obsessed with you then you need to stop hanging around people who tell her information about you, if the friendship is over make sure she doesn’t know what is happening in your life, and you should also block her on social media. If you are obsessed with your ex-friend you need to stop feeding the obsession and find ways of distracting yourself by making new friends or finding new hobbies.
Resolve the issue
The number one reason why your ex-friend is obsessed with you and you are also obsessed with her is that the friendship has unresolved issues. This happens when something like an argument has taken place but there was no resolution so both of you left things the way that they were. Subconsciously both of you could be searching for answers to whatever happened or deep down you were not ready to end the friendship.
Make peace with the fact that you are no longer friends, and accept that you will never have answers to whatever issue caused the friendship to end. Write a letter to her, you don’t have to send it, write it so that you get your feelings out and then tear it and throw it away.
Stop feeding the obsession
If your ex-friend is obsessed with you and you are obsessed with your ex-friend then why are you feeding the obsession? I know it’s an obsession it has a life of its own, but seriously block her on social media. Stop following her on Facebook, Instagram on Twitter. This also includes zipping your mouth and not asking her about it, Don’t ask mutual friends what she is doing with her life, it’s no longer your business and she has no business asking everyone what you are up to.
If the friendship ended because she did something that you didn’t like or offended you then you should forgive her. You don’t need an apology to forgive anyone, the apology is for you not for them. It’s for you so that you can stop obsessing over the friendship, find closure and move on.
Ask for forgiveness
If you are the one who did something wrong then it’s no surprise that you are obsessed with your friend, this is because your feelings of guilt are eating you alive. People obsess over people that they have done wrong too because they are ashamed of what they did. If you did something wrong to her, you can ask for forgiveness or once again write a letter asking for forgiveness and tear it up.
If your obsession with your ex-friend is starting to get creepy you need to be mature enough to seek professional help. Yeah, I know you might be ashamed but that is what professional therapy is for. Your therapist has heard her story under the sun including one where a friend is obsessed over another. You are not the first friend to obsess over an ex-friend and you won’t be the last. Before you start doing crazy things, get yourself together.
Well if the only thing that you are doing is spreading day and night obsessing over your ex-friend that’s no wonder this is starting to be an issue. Find a distraction better yet, go out and meet new people and find new friends who will keep you busy. Distracting yourself is a good thing if your ex-friend is obsessed over you it will keep you from thinking about her obsession, the same thing applies if you are the one who is obsessed with her.
Focus on your professional life, that’s always a good distraction, think of ways of making an impression on your boss. If you are still at school, focus on your school work, there is no way that you will pass university if you are spending every waking hour thinking about what could have, should have, and would have happened.
Find the root cause
There must be a reason that your ex-friend is obsessed with you. Were you two only friends with each other? Did you say something bad about her maybe you unknowingly or unintentionally started a rumor? That is why she could be obsessed with it.
The same applies to you. So yourself why am I obsessed over my ex-friend? Am I lonely? Do I want what she has? Am I bitter?
Open yourself up
You will never find a new friend if you keep on focusing on why your ex-friend is obsessed with you or why you are obsessed with her, I know is hard, but girl, get over the obsession and let her spend her days obsessed with you, that has nothing to do with you. So go out with your other friends, if you don’t have any friends now is a good time to put yourself out there and open yourself up to new experiences and new friendships, the key is to be open-minded so you can form friendships that are based on trust.
Take care of yourself
How are you taking care of your mental and physical health if you are thinking about your ex-friend day in and day out? I also wonder how her mental health is doing but it’s not about her we are focusing on you. So you two are no longer friends, then it’s time for some self-care. Think about buying your favorite book, start meditating, upskilling yourself, or joining the gym. This is anything that will help release your feel-good hormones.
Focus on the things you’ve neglected
This goes hand in hand with what we said about self-care, do the things that matter. Often we forget that our parents are getting old and we focus on our friendships. In the meantime while you haven’t found a new friend why not spend time at home with your family? I am sure they would love to see more of you.
Live in the moment
At some point, you have to, get out of your head and stop thinking about the ex-friend or the friendship. Mindfulness helps us live in the moment, the truth is that you and your ex-friend are no longer friends, and there is no use in spending your days fantasizing about a friendship that no longer exists.
Don’t be hard on yourself
It is okay to mourn a friendship because friends are like family, we laugh and cry with our dearest friends, a friend is someone who you think will be in your life forever but it doesn’t always happen. It is perfectly fine to take time to mourn the friendship but after you do that you need to move on.
In the end
When all is said and done you can control how you handle the situation with your ex-friend, I know it’s hard but stop feeding the obsession before it becomes an addiction, and then…well, I don’t think you want to know the answer to that, tell me how it goes.