Boyfriend avoids marriage talk: “I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 years we met at university, and now that we are both 28 I feel that we can take our relationship to the next level. My family loves him and I get along with his mom, dad, and siblings. But I feel like he is too comfortable because we live together he told me that he doesn’t think getting married is what we need to do. The house is in both our names and between the two of us we earn a good salary. But I want to get married, I don’t think I can be with him without a solid commitment, but I also don’t see myself with anyone but him. Will he ever marry me or am I wasting my time?” – Camila, Texas
Her Darling Life Answer
You should count yourself lucky to have a boyfriend who is honest enough to tell you that he doesn’t see the point of getting married. It’s hard to wrap your head around it but you have the power to decide if you will stay or leave. If marriage is what you want and he is against it, you have a lot of decisions to make.
Why don’t some guys like the idea of marriage? Why do they think getting married is pointless? …I know that you will be mad at me for some of the points that I will give you, but I am not going to sugarcoat reality for you darling, so here are the reasons that he thinks marriage is pointless.
6 Reasons why your boyfriend thinks marriage is useless
The first reason is that he doesn’t see a future with you but is too afraid to tell you that he wants to get married but not to you. The second reason is that he is afraid that the marriage will end in divorce which is the case for a lot of relationships, all this can make him think marriage is pointless
You are not the one he wants to marry
This man might love you will all of his heart but the idea of getting married to you doesn’t appeal to him, he doesn’t see you as wife material for whatever reasons that he has, for him you are a wonderful woman, but not the woman he wants to get married to.
He is biding his time
This point ties in with the previous point, he biding his time until his dream woman comes along, the woman that he wants to make his wife. Remember that if your boyfriend is biding his time, he might already know the woman that he will marry but for whatever reason they cannot be together.
I had a friend who was with her boyfriend for ten years, little did she know that he was in a relationship with another woman, while she was sitting at home watching Little Women LA, he was getting married that weekend and she didn’t know, this man was waiting for is this other woman to be ready to get married, this is what I mean when I say “ biding time”.
He comes from a broken home
Children who come from divorced homes have every reason to be afraid, of getting married. They have seen and experienced the trauma of having mommy and daddy separate, it might be hard for him to even think about proposing to you because of the disastrous relationship he witnessed between his parents.
None of his friends are married
If his homeboys are still cruising this street with Amanda, on Friday, Leeann on Saturday, and Bella on Sunday, your boyfriend won’t have the motivation to get married, I mean why would he when his friends are still running the streets and have no intentions to stop? There is a famous saying that says “You are the sum of who you surround yourself with”.
He is afraid that marriage will change your relationship
I am sure that you have heard horror stories from men who say that their wives were sweet girlfriends but they changed once they got the ring. All of a sudden the things that they used to do, such as cooking, cleaning, and showing love and affection to their husband went out the window as soon as they said “I do”. Your boyfriend might have read a lot of these stories or he might be surrounded by men who have wives that have changed after getting married. If this is the case, then he is speaking out of fear.
He doesn’t have the money to get married
He may be using this “marriage is pointless” speech as an excuse because he doesn’t have the money to get married and he is too ashamed to be honest. A wedding can set you back hundreds of thousands of dollars and it’s not uncommon to hear about couples who have been married for years and are still paying off their wedding expenses 10 years after getting married.
8 Things you can do when your boyfriend thinks marriage is pointless
If your boyfriend thinks that marriage is pointless you need to decide if you want to still be in a relationship with him, knowing fully well that he has no intentions of getting married to you, you can also stay in the relationship and learn to be happy without getting married to him.
Examine the relationship
Staying in a relationship where two people have different viewpoints on marriage can be hard but look at the relationship with your boyfriend in its entirety. If both of you love each other do you think that marriage will make you love each other more? Is he a good boyfriend who gives you all the love, attention, and support besides him not wanting to get married is he a good guy? Just because he doesn’t want to get married doesn’t mean that he will cheat on you.
Be prepared to walk away
Time has no meaning here just because you have been dating him for years it doesn’t mean anything, just because you have property together doesn’t mean anything, and even if you have a child together it would not mean a thing. If marriage is what you truly want, then staying because you have been with him for a long time is not going to be good for your mental health, be prepared to walk away and not compromise on your deepest desires.
Tell him the positives about marriage
He might think marriage is pointless because he was never around people who look happy in their marriages. Tell him the good things about getting married. Marriage is not just a certificate the certificate is put in place to protect and ensure that as his wife you have certain rights.
If anything happens to him or you, one of you would be able to claim spousal benefits. If were to be admitted to the hospital you would be able to make important decisions regarding his medical care. and Lastly, if you have a child your child can grow up in a home where the parents are married and this creates a sense of well-being and belonging.
Watch out girl this man has told you what he thinks of marriage, there is nothing that you can do other than drag him to the wedding chapel. You don’t want to spend another 5 years in a relationship that you are not completely happy in. He might like the idea of marriage but unfortunately, he doesn’t want it with you.
There are plenty of stories about women who wait for their men to propose and the relationship ends when the man meets the woman of his dreams and guess what? They might get married in less than a year. Keep your eyes open because he might say to you that he thinks marriage is pointless because he doesn’t want to get married to you.
Look at your options
If you truly believe that he will not leave you and get married to someone else then look at your options, just because you are not legally married doesn’t mean that life has to stop. In some countries staying together means that you are married even if you did not sign legal documents. In this case, if something ever happens to him, you will be protected and you can claim spousal benefits etc….
Don’t invest too much
He has made it clear he doesn’t think there is a point to getting married, so don’t invest too much in this, don’t pay for his college education, don’t help him buy a car, and don’t give him financial support. Yes, it sounds harsh but there are absolutely no benefits for you if you do this. If you pay for his education or car, Darling he can still leave you, and all you will be left with is unnecessary debt and find yourself in therapy for the next five years.
This is not to say be selfish, do the usual things that couples do, so go out, travel to different countries, support each other mentally and emotionally, buy things together, and pay for utilities in the house but keep your bank account and your hard earned money to yourself.
Believe what he says
Don’t be those women who want to change a man, because you will spend years if not decades trying to convince him to marry you. He did not tell you that marriage is pointless as a joke, he did not tell you that marriage is pointless to get a reaction out of you, he did not tell you that marriage is pointless out of spite, he told you that marriage is pointless because he doesn’t see any value in it. No amount of looking sexy, giving him blow jobs, and cooking for his parents will convince him otherwise, so believe what he says.
Get some help
If you cannot get over the fact that you might not get married to him but you still see a future with him then get some help in the form so a therapist or a life coach like myself. Sometimes you need an outside opinion and an unbiased viewpoint to help snap you back into reality and give you the tools that you need to make the right decisions.
What to do when your BF doesn’t believe in marriage?
If your BF doesn’t believe in marriage you can speak to him to understand what his fear is and think of ways that you can make him see the benefits of marriage, if he doesn’t change his mind you need to decide if you can stay in your relationship without the commitment or you can leave and find a BF who believes in marriage
Can a man love you but not want to marry you?
Yes a man can love you but not want to marry you, some men don’t believe in the institution of marriage they may beagle that marriage is only a piece of paper and that if everything is going well in the relationship there is no need to change that by getting married.
Should you leave your boyfriend if he does t want to marry you?
If you want to get married and he doesn’t, yes you should leave him, unless you know that there is a chance that he might change his mind. But staying with the hopes that he will change his mind might make you resent him in the future if he doesn’t propose to you.
To end it off, Darling
If you want to be someone’s wife one day then you need to love yourself enough to exit this relationship being in denial will not make him change his mind. You might find yourself staying and forever thinking to yourself “Why won’t he marry me after 5 years”, and soon 5 years will become 6 years, and so forth. Decide for yourself if you can continue to say with him, weigh the pros and cons and if he is a good guy and the pros outweigh the bad, maybe staying is not a bad idea.