Boyfriends, where would we be without them? They can be romantic, loving, and super adorable, but sometimes they can also ask us silly questions such as “ Why do you hate me?”, which can leave us wondering “ Why on earth would my boyfriend even think that I hate him?”
It’s one of those relationship issues that we have to sort out, so have a look at why your boyfriend thinks that you hate him and all the solutions that you can try to get him to feel confident in your relationship and in himself again.
Why did he ask me if I hate him (9 Reasons)
Your boyfriend thinks that you hate him because he has low self-esteem and he thinks that you might leave him, he might also think that you hate him because of the way that you act around him so he wants you to reassure him that you love him.
He has a history of being hated
If your boyfriend has had a history of not being liked, being excluded, and being treated like he doesn’t matter, then his thinking that you hate him should come as no surprise. Because of his history, he is paranoid, Deep down he might know that you don’t hate him but because of his experience with people in his life and maybe even his past girlfriend, he thinks that just like everyone in his life, you hate him.
He has low self-esteem
Okay, in all fairness to you, you might be a great girlfriend who shows him that you care, you might even take him out, and give him passionate kisses and great sex. But if he has low self-esteem, all your efforts will go unnoticed, it’s not that he doesn’t appreciate you or your love, but his inner self doesn’t feel like he deserves all the love that you give him. He might have no self-confidence at all, to the extent that he thinks that you hate him and that you will leave.
He can’t face the truth
Men can be sneaky and dodgy, to say the least, they know how to play with our feelings and how to use reverse psychology, they don’t even have to study psychology as it is in their DNA. If he is in trouble for something, he can say that you hate him to avoid taking responsibility for something, a way to manipulate you into feeling sorry for him and not raise any issues, be careful of this tactic.
You reject his advances
Come on girl, if your boyfriend wants to hug and kiss you and you never give him a chance to express his love, then yes he will think that you hate him. If every time he comes close to you or even tries to hold your hand in public and you pull away, it’s no wonder he is doubting your love for him.
You jokingly told him you hate him
I know that as women we always joke about everything but sometimes even our jokes can be interpreted the wrong way. If you have a history of joking with him about how much you hate him, he might start counting all the times that you have said to him “I hate you”.
He wants reassurance of your love
Aaargh, love is so sweet but yet so tricky. Maybe you guys fought or have not been on the best of terms lately, if this is the case, if he says that you hate him it’s his way of seeking reassurance from you that you still love him. Instead of him asking you “ Do you still love me”, he is using the “ I think you hate me” speech as a way to find out if you still care.
You fail to communicate when you are angry
Every couple fights, if you did not fight I would be worried, girl, no relationship is perfect not even yours. If you have a pattern of not answering his calls or responding to his messages for days after you have had a fight or when you are angry at him, then he will think that you hate him.
You always attack him
Attacking your boyfriend is one way to get him to think that you hate him. Men are strong but sensitive creatures, they love to be handled to care, but if you always tell him “ I think that you are useless” or “ You are so stupid”, he will without a doubt have it in his mind that you hate him, the more you criticize him, the more he will think that you hate him.
It is the spotlight effect
You might love your man, but maybe he is a Narcissist and you didn’t notice because he is all handsome and loving. Men who are Narcissists use the spotlight effect a lot, they love to be given attention. When someone says I know you hate me, they could be suffering from this phenomenon.
The spotlight effect is used in different scenarios. People who use this think that the world revolves around them. He might be worried about you not liking him but in fact, he has done nothing wrong, his brain automatically defaults to thinking “ Everybody hates me, why?” when in fact nobody hates him and everyone is going about their day worried about their own lives.
8 Things that you can do when your boyfriend thinks that you hate him
Try your level best to treat him to love, care, and understanding, do the things that make you both happy in the relationship, and reassure him of your love and commitment so that he won’t think that you hate him.
Girl, I know that you know how to practice compassion, it’s in our genetics as women, well not all women but you get my point. Start by sending him short and loving messages, you don’t have to write a whole novel, a short message saying something like “ Good morning, I hope you have a nice day, I will be thinking of you”, now doesn’t that sound sweet?
You can add onto this if you want, but I would overdo it otherwise you might have a hard time keeping up with what you started. You can have random “sexy nights”, where you wear something cute and revealing, then start the night by giving him a massage.
Talk with him
“The talk” is very important because you don’t want this situation hanging over you, it can be exhausting having a boyfriend who always thinks that you hate him, it’s a constant up-and-down battle with you doing your best to make sure that he knows that you don’t hate him. So have the serious talk once and once only, don’t laugh, don’t make jokes, be serious about letting him know how much he means to you, showing him love and compassion, and let him know that the constant need for reassurance is not going to go down well. Yes, you love him and you don’t hate him, but you won’t spend all your time letting him know that you don’t hate him.
Don’t joke about rejection
All of us have experienced rejection and it’s not a nice thing, girl I know I don’t have to tell you that because all of us have experienced it at some point in our lives. If you know that your boyfriend loves you, and if you know that he is a sensitive man, don’t joke about hating him, don’t make light of his experience with rejection. This essentially means don’t do inappropriate things like not responding to his messages, or responding to him after three days. Lazy communication is a form of silent treatment that turns into emotional abuse.
Learn to communicate
When you have a fight with him or when you are angry at him, communicate effectively. Don’t raise your voice, don’t yell at him, and I urge you, do not talk about your past boyfriends and how they were perfect, or he will think that you hate him.
Don’t put him down
Your boyfriend is human and God knows we all make mistakes, so allow him the space to make mistakes so life can carry on. If you don’t want him to think that you hate him, then don’t put him down, try not to say hurtful words such as “ You always mess up”, ‘Why can’t you do anything right?”, or “ My ex used to be able to do this”, so you get my point?
Stand up for what is wrong
If he is using the “ I think you hate me ” speech quite often like we said, it’s a manipulation tactic, he needs to face the music. Make him take responsibility for his actions, you can’t back down every time he says” I think you hate me” because you are scared of hurting his feelings.
Ask for his help
Men like to feel like they are useful even if they make mistakes, so think about giving his ego a boost and ask him to help you with something, even if you know how to do it, just ask him so that he can feel useful and loved.
Share your struggles with him
I do not doubt that you don’t want him to think that you hate him, so when you are going through a tough time in your life and you need space tell him. If University is kicking your butt, let him know, if your boss is being mean, tell him about it, so that he doesn’t think that your sudden bad attitude is because you hate him.
What to say when someone thinks you hate them (16 Things You Can Say)
So you are wondering, how to respond to do you hate me? These are cute, funny, and sarcastic responses to the dreaded question….“Do you hate me?
- “Why would you think that?”
- “I don’t hate you, I will never hate you”
- “If you keep on asking me if I hate you then I will”
- “ Why do you keep on asking me this question?”
- “Do you want me to hate you, because I can”
- “ Never, I don’t have it in me to hate anyone”
- “ Hating you would mean that I hate myself”
- “Sometimes I do, but you always make it up to me”
- “When you make me mad, I hate you”
- “Only when you don’t take the trash out”
- “Only when you stop kissing me”
- “ I only hate you when you have to leave”
- “In the beginning, I may have, but you soon changed my mind”
- “Did someone tell you that I hate you? they are wrong”
- “ I am a lover and not a hater”
What to do if someone thinks you hate them?
When someone thinks that you hate them you must do your best to reassure them that you don’t, but if they still find it hard to believe that you don’t have them, then give that person time to come around, and show them love, compassion and understanding.
To round it up, Darling
Oh, He thinks I hate him but I love him, Darling, we have all been there, sometimes you need to let your boyfriend know that you don’t hate him. Men can adorably be babies, so do your best to let him know that you don’t hate him, but remember to be firm and have “the talk” with him so that this will not be a recurring issue in your relationship.