If your boyfriend thinks that your ex is prettier than you, you have to ask yourself why is he with you. If he still has feelings for his ex-girlfriend and why doesn’t he go to her? Maybe you didn’t understand what he said and you took it out of context.
Before you dump him, let’s unpack the statement that he made about his ex being prettier than you. But before you look at the reasons and solutions, take a sneak peek at the story our reader from the United States submitted.
My boyfriend is more attracted to his ex
“Dear Her Darling Life I don’t know if I am overreacting, I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and our relationship was fine but recently he has started to say things that I don’t think any girlfriend wants to hear. When we get into an argument he will say things like “ My ex never used to do this” or “ My ex never used to wear that” I told him that I don’t like it and he always apologizes the next day. This is making me anxious and I have started to check his phone to see if he is still talking to his ex, I have not found any evidence, should I keep looking?” Shaike, USA.
7 Reasons why your boyfriend thinks that his ex is prettier than you
If your boyfriend says that he thinks his ex is prettier than you it might be his way to try to make you feel jealous and to see how you react. He could also be trying to manipulate you into being insecure in the relationship so that you do everything in your power to impress him.
He wants to impress you
It’s one of those wrong things that guys do but they do it anyway because they want you to know that at one point they used to date a Miss America lookalike. It doesn’t mean that your boyfriend doesn’t love you or that he is playing with your feelings as a guy it’s in his nature to want to show off, it’s a sick twisted way for him to demand a bit of respect for you without asking for you. He is indirectly saying” I used to date this beautiful girl are you impressed? Have I impressed you enough? Give me your attention?”
He didn’t mean it
Guys say the weirdest things that the weirdest times, he might not even remember that he told you that his ex is prettier, for all we know he is sleeping and not even aware that he hurt you. The only way to know this for sure is to look out for the next time, if he mentions it again then yes, he meant it.
He is projecting
He could be the one who feels like he is not good-looking, maybe he knows what your ex looks like and he is feeling insecure, so telling you that his ex is prettier than you might be his way of projecting his insecurities. He may know that he is lucky to have you he might not even believe that he struck it lucky with you, but his insecurities make him twist everything around to make it so that you end up feeling bad.
He is an asshole
We could sit hear the entire day and I could right many reasons why he did this. The bottom line is if he repeats this more than once, to your face, knowing that you don’t like it, Darling you have an asshole on your hands, a Mike from Tyler Perrys movie “ Why did I get married”.Ask yourself ” Why would he want me walking around saying to myself my boyfriend thinks I’m ugly? ” yup, there’s no other excuse other than the fact that he is a jerk.
You give off mixed signals
You might be telling him that you are comfortable with your looks, but you may not be aware of the things that you say about yourself when he is around. For all we know you might be speaking badly about yourself and saying things like “ I wish was more beautiful” Your boyfriend could be feeding off the things that you say.
He is a narcissist
He wants you to be on the edge, constantly thinking of ways to make him happy, his telling you that his ex is prettier is a way to devalue you, and have you begging him for attention. Narcissists love it when they know that they are the cause of someone’s pain, as bad as it sounds it makes them feel superior. So you feeling self-conscious is one way that he can have you right where he needs you to be, Darling keep your eyes open.
He is insecure
We have covered insecurity multiple times and we cover it as long as it applies, if your boyfriend is insecure he might be scared to lose you, but because he is too afraid to tell you that he will say something like “My ex is more beautiful than you” to try to see your reaction and in his mind, he hopes that statement will make you insecure enough to do everything in your power to keep him.
8 Things that you can do when your boyfriend thinks his ex is prettier than you
There are several things that you can do when he says that his ex is prettier than you, the first thing is to talk to him and find out why he says this, you can also tell him to stop comparing you to his ex and finally, if he continues to say this you can end the relationship.
Understand that beauty is subjective
Even if his ex is prettier than you it doesn’t mean that you are not pretty Beauty is subjective and everyone likes has different tastes and likes otherwise we would all be like zombies dating the same kind of people. Some guys like bigger-boned ladies and that’s fine and some girls like tall guys that’s fine too.
Know that this is not okay
It’s not okay that you are in this relationship and you are most likely giving your all to and asl sleeping with him and he goes around and says that his ex is prettier, it’s not okay. Comparison is the thief of joy instead of you enjoying your relationship and focusing on yourself you are not left wondering if there is anything that you can do to make yourself prettier, do you see what I mean when I say it is not okay?
Look at the whole picture
Let me play the devil’s advocate here and try to be the sane one in this situation, is there a slight possibility that you might have overreacted? I am not saying that you did but with all the things we as ladies have going on, between trying to finish University, trying to get a job, trying to get a promotion, lose weight, look sexy, and have a stable relationship its easy to have the pressure of life get to us. Maybe he said everything during an argument, if so we case safely assume that he didn’t mean it. Maybe he said it because you also kept on saying that your ex is more handsome than he is, again we can assume that he didn’t mean it, so look at the bigger picture.
Have a serious talk with him
You can’t just leave him and get another boyfriend, but wait you can do that Darling we are living in the real world a world where people talk when they are not happy a world where you as his girlfriend has a voice, a voice that you should use to speak up and tell him that you are not happy with his statement. Depending on the context you might have misinterpreted what he said and that is fine, but if his statement keeps you awake at night and groggy all morning because you couldn’t sleep then have a serious talk with him.
Take care of your appearance
Ey, I am on your side here but sometimes when we get comfortable in relationships we let ourselves go. It’s normal to get into a relationship with your boyfriend and at the beginning take care of your appearance and after a year or two into dating let yourself go. Have you gotten too comfortable? Have you maybe gained weight or gotten too relaxed to the point where your boyfriend now sees you as one of the guys?
Take care of the way that you look, not for him but for yourself. Eat healthy, go to the gym, and make sure that you are living your life at your optimal peak, you are what they say a “baddie” when we look good we feel good.
I mean if he is the one who started it he must also be able to take the responses that you dish out. I would say something to him like” Wow, you think that your ex is prettier, what a good guy you are to say that to my face” or if you what to hit him where it hurts you can say “ Thats fine, at least we are even because my ex is hotter than you, people can’t believe I am no longer with him” try to say it more nicely. But if he says the same statement, you can slow him down with the thing that will hurt his ego, do this if you can stand up for yourself and can handle the positive and the negative consequences.
Look for a mature guy
Yes, these fuck boys end up telling us the weirdest things, you know those guys that we know in our hearts of hearts that we have no business dating them? It’s in their nature almost all guys go through a stage where they are still discovering themselves and they might not treat women great. Stay away from these good-looking, player, five girlfriends, out all night and never answer their phone type of guys. There are plenty of mature men who may or may not have dated a prettier woman than you but they won’t ever tell you that.
Ask him to explain
He needs to be given a chance to explain ecstasy what we meant and you need to let him know that you don’t appreciate what he said. You can only do this face-to-face do not send him a long text message that will take him one hour to finish reading, talking to him face-to-face will allow you to see his reaction.
To wrap it up
You need to know that all of this is very rude of him, I come across as harsh but I need you to know that you are a Darling, it doesn’t matter how old you are you do not need to question your place in anyone’s life.