So your boyfriend seems a little distant and he says to you” I think that I am a failure and a burden to you, maybe you should find someone else”
You ask him why and he can’t give you a straight answer the only answer that you can think of is my boyfriend thinks he’s a failure, but why? He is anything but a failure or a burden.
As his girlfriend your first thought is to help him, but is this the right choice? Feeling like a burden in a relationship is normal but when he feels this way will helping him get out of his funk be a good decision on your part? When does his burden become your burden? And should you take on this responsibility or move on?
My Boyfriend Thinks He’s A Burden (8 Ways To Help Him)
If your boyfriend thinks he is a burden there are several ways that you can help: Such as motivating him to work on the things that he is not happy about, helping him where you can, and encouraging him to seek the help of a professional such as a therapist of a life coach.
Remind him of all the good things he has going for him
When someone like your boyfriend is in a depressive state he cannot see all the good he has accomplished just because life might not be working out for him now doesn’t mean that he has never accomplished anything and will never in the future. Write down all the good qualities that he has, sometimes Reading about ourselves will put into perfect all the things that we have done.
One way to comfort him is to express your feelings of love and gratitude. Help him see that even if his friends are winning and working at good jobs that doesn’t make him less of a friend or boyfriend. If his friends are buying cars and houses, okay, that is good for them but his time will come.
Dont put him down
Your prince charming AKA the love of your life is in a vulnerable position, If you are frustrated with him for whatever reason do your best to not kick a dog when down. If he only got you flowers for your birthday that is fine, it’s the thought that counts. Never compare him to your friend’s boyfriends or count all the things your friends are getting from their boyfriends this is counterproductive.
Help him plan
We all need a plan and maybe your boyfriend is one of those people who tries their best and can’t achieve anything because they focus on too many things at once. He cannot chase more than two rabbits otherwise he will not catch either one.
Help him map out his life, come up with a routine, and stick to it. Try using Google and search terms such as” How to do a daily routine, How to budget” or “How to stick to your goals” These should get him started.
Support where you can
You can support your boyfriend but also remember to take care of yourself first, Dating a man who doesn’t value himself can be emotionally draining, you might find yourself spending night after night trying to think of ways to make him feel good and this can in turn affect you.
Your whole world will be consumed with thoughts of making him feel great again, That’s fine but there is only so much that you can do, he needs to find himself.
Encourage him to be active
Exercising is a good way to release dopamine, a feel-good chemical that keeps us, happy, well most of the time. Working out will help him not only feel mentally better but also improve his overall physical health. He can also look at HIIT workouts for men, resistance band workouts for men or if he doesn’t want to leave the house he can look at doing home workouts for men.
Encourage him to talk to someone
He can talk to a therapist but if he doesn’t want to then a life coach can do the trick, a life coach can help him plan in detail what he wants to do and remind him of his deadlines. There are plenty of coaches available he can search for terms like online life coach or life coach for men.
Protect your space
In a bid to be a supportive girlfriend your first instinct might be to tone down your achievements to make him see that you are not that great, well don’t. If you are a high achiever then you are a high achiever You cannot downplay yourself to make anyone let alone your dear boyfriend whom you love very much feel better.
My Boyfriend Thinks He’s A Burden (8 Reasons Why He Feels This Way)
Your boyfriend thinks he’s a burden and a failure because things are not going well for him, This has affected his self-esteem and he thinks that his lack of achievements in life will impact your relationship and how you see him.
He has low self-esteem
A lack of self-esteem can make your boyfriend feel like a failure because he compares himself to everyone around him. He might be experiencing feelings of self-doubt because of where he is in life, he is seeking validation and wants to know that he is still valued despite his current circumstances.
His friends are winning at life
Who hasn’t compared themselves to friends who are doing better in life? It’s normal for your boyfriend to compare himself, it’s what we all do but that’s a recipe for depression. He thinks that he is a loser because he spends all his time looking at what his friends John, Tommy, and David are doing and buying.
He doesn’t have any money
Have you seen how guys show off on social media, posting cars, homes, and expensive Rolex watches some post pictures taking their girlfriends on shopping sprees at Zara. There is so much pressure for guys to have money it’s no wonder your boyfriend thinks he’s a loser.
Guys on Instagram look like they are getting ahead and buying their girlfriend’s cars, and weaves or taking them on vacation to places like Ubud in Indonesia. If your boyfriend doesn’t have money or makes very little money he will feel like a burden and a failure especially if you as making more.
He doesn’t have family support
Having family support can be the difference between a good or a bad life, family improves one’s quality of life and if your boyfriend has no contact with his family or comes from a toxic family he can be forgiven for feeling like a burden to you.
In his eyes you are the only one who is in his corner, he comes to you for everything and that might make him feel like you might lose interest because you are the only one that he has.
He is saying it to manipulate you
Hold on, Darling…..Hear me out for a minute, it’s easy for you to look past his words because you are in love but many guys use this strategy for a couple of reasons. If he is a master manipulator he might tell you that he feels like a burden in he hopes that you will give him wants he wants.
For example, if he is looking at starting a small business but doesn’t have the capital he knows that you love him so if he says ” Baby I feel like a failure because I don’t have the capital to start a business“, your natural girlfriend instincts might be to say” Oh Baby that’s okay, I qualify to for bank loan how much do you need“, if you have a history of bailing him out, Darling, oh no.
You constantly put him down
Hey, I am in your corner here but maybe he feels like a loser because you always compare him to other people’s boyfriends. In your darling head telling him about all the things your friends are getting from their boyfriends might be affecting him.
So stop saying things such as “Issbelle’s boyfriend is taking her on a trip to Paris and you do nothing for me“, knowing very well that your boyfriend cannot afford to go anywhere right now. If this is your behavior he will think that you hate him and that he is a failure.
He keeps trying and losing
That manta that says if at first, you don’t succeed try again only works a few times and sometimes we try so hard and still don’t succeed. Your boyfriend might be doing his level best to get ahead socially, emotionally, or financially and still finds himself stuck.
You are more accomplished than he is
It sounds like he feels like a boyfriend because you might be a high achiever, you have more things going for you than him. You have a good job, go to school, have a great circle of friends, or are just more financially stable than he is.
My Boyfriend Thinks He’s A Burden: What To Say To Someone Who Thinks He Is A Burden? (9 Things To Say)
- “You are not a burden”
- “Everything will work out”
- “ Things take time, you will see in the end it will be fine”
- “I am happy to assist you are not a burden”
- “If I felt like you were a burden I would have told you”
- “Stop saying that, you have a lot going for you”
- “It’s normal to feel like this at times, the trick is to continue”
- “ You are not a burden, one day you will also be in a position to help me”
- “ Be kind to yourself, everyone is struggling”
In the end, Darling
My partner feels like a burden….Oh yes, Darling, this is normal When someone makes you feel like a burden it can take a toll on their self-esteem, it’s normal for your boyfriend to feel what a majority of people worldwide are feeling. Encourage him and help him plan things that he is struggling with, remember to take care of yourself so that his burdens don’t become yours.