Making love can often bring two people closer together, I mean how closer can you get, with your boyfriend being inside of you, looking at you deeply in the eyes, and telling you that you are the best thing that has ever happened to him
AArg…..but what if he looks away, if your boyfriend doesn’t look at you when you make love instead he looks at the ceiling, carpet, window, the drawers, anywhere but your eyes, what are you doing here?
So, you stay up at night asking yourself the question If he doesn’t look at me when we make love is he just using me? or you keep saying to yourself I feel used by my boyfriend because he doesn’t look at me when we are intimate.
Oh, darling, before you cut the cord have a look at the reasons why he chooses to look away, and if this still bothers you try a few of our solutions.
My Boyfriend Doesn’t Look At Me When We Make Love (7 Reasons Why)
If he doesn’t look at you when you make love, he might be self-conscious and uncomfortable, he could also be worried about his performance, or his mind is lost in imagination and he is focused on “finishing”.
He is uncomfortable with intimacy
You are not the problem but he might have issues that make him feel uncomfortable when you make love. These issues can be anything from worrying about how he makes you feel, to feeling self-conscious about how he looks and the way you look at him.
In addition, if he grew up with strict or religious parents he might have undealt trauma because in his subconscious he might be feeling guilty about being intimate. The issue here is not you, it’s him and his feelings towards sex, whether this is anger, guilt, or trauma.
He’s lost in the fantasy
He might be lost in his imagination and fantasizing about someone else, a hot situation, or thinking about you in a naughty way while he makes love to you. Because of this looking at you would break his fantasy focus and cause him to start all over again, if you get what I mean.
He is focused on finishing
Ya, that old word “finishing” can’t we find another word to describe the process, Fine let’s stick to “finishing”. We all know that the end goal of making love is to “finish” and as a woman, you know how hard reaching an orgasm can be.
Sometimes it’s easier for your boyfriend to reach those levels of pleasure without looking at you, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, but looking at you will distract him from his end goal which is an orgasm.
He is still learning
Oh, bless his dear heart, if you are his first girlfriend or he has not had that many sexual encounters give him a break he is still learning. Between making you feel special, making you orgasm, and trying out new things in bed he can feel overwhelmed.
For now, he is not a good lover, he is not sure what to do, and he has no clue if he should look at you, talk to you, or even kiss you during the act.
He is worried about his performance
Suppose he is worried about his performance it’s natural that he doesn’t want to break his concentration. Performance has to do with stamina, he wants to last longer in bed so that you don’t go around town telling everyone he can’t perform.
You know the old joke that women say all the time “ he only lasted two minutes in bed, he is a two-minute man” he is trying to avoid that. You are beautiful, pretty, and sexy as soon as he looks at you it is over for him.
He is a selfish lover
Excuses aside your boyfriend might be a good guy but a selfish lover, he doesn’t care about anyone else’s pleasure, he doesn’t care how you feel or if you reach an orgasm. He only cares about his end, it’s not to say he doesn’t value you, but this is a part of the relationship that needs a lot of work and guidance.
He is not that into you
We can come up with a list of reasons as long as the Great Wall of China, but there has to be a point where he looks at you, it can’t be that he looks at the ceiling, the floor, or the bedroom cabinet.
And if your gut is telling you that there is something more to it, it usually means that he is not that into you. Any man who loves his girlfriend will not mind occasionally looking at her or whispering sweet nothings into her ear.
It is not about him or finishing but about making you feel wanted as his girlfriend. If he completely avoids eye contact or God forbid covers your face with a pillow, darling get out.
My Boyfriend Doesn’t Look At Me When We Make Love (6 Solutions)
There are solutions that you can try: Talk to him and let him explain to you his reasons for not looking at you. If you are happy and want to continue the relationship do so, but if this makes you feel like he is using you, you might want to think about ending things.
Focus on foreplay
Oh, how lovely foreplay can be, I don’t mean buy a whole bondage set, unless you want to but start small, dress sexier for him, cook a nice meal, and create a relaxing atmosphere. Foreplay is meant to relax and put both of you in the mood.
So look him in the eye while you eat dinner,(don’t stare at him without blinking, that will make you look crazy) talk to him, and make eye contact when you kiss him this will signal to him it’s okay for him to look at you.
Keep the conversation light
Keep the conversation as light as possible making it safe for him to tell you what he likes without judging him. Let him be honest, if he says that he wants you to be more aggressive in bed, don’t laugh or make him feel embarrassed.
During foreplay, laugh, giggle smile. Sex is delicate and is meant to meet both of your needs, and he might not say it but could be afraid of telling you what turns him on.
Learn to live with it
If everything is great you can learn to live with it and focus on the good things about your relationship. The fact that he is a responsible boyfriend, he pays his bills on time, helps you out, and is financially stable.
Sex is not important for everyone and many couples don’t even have sex for years. If you dig deep and do some soul searching and you know that you can live with it, then carry on and ignore it.
So can you get used to loneliness that comes with an unfulfilling sex life? Yes, you can and should you decide to live with it, don’t bring it up, don’t sulk, and don’t act like a little girl because you have made that choice, right darling?
Pro tip: If you talk to him and he agrees instead of living with it try getting the help of a sex therapist, Google is your best friend so search for terms like sex therapy near me, online sex therapy, or sex therapy retreat. These resources can help him learn and understand the art of making you feel good.
Be prepared for the truth
Oh, darling, now is the time to be prepared, you might have read the relationship all wrong. Ask him why and be a big girl about it. What if he says he closes his eyes because you don’t look like his favorite adult star, what if he says to “finish” his mind needs to be somewhere else, or what if he says that he does it because you are not the love of his life?
We have spoken a lot about finishing but if sex was only about this that wouldn’t be so many relationship counselors. It’s about making each other feel wanted and not less than.
If he says this is who is is and he cannot change it, or maybe he changes once and goes back to staring at the carpet, chandeliers, or the door handle when you make love think about your future.
Your relationship can be perfect, he can be the sweetest guy who treats you like a princess but if that treatment doesn’t translate into the most important part which is lovemaking, what future can you have?
Focus on your pleasure
If he has valid reasons as to why he doesn’t look at you reasons such as a lack of self-confidence there is no use spending your precious love-making time forcing him to stare at you.
Focus on the kisses and pleasure that he is giving you. Take the time to help him build his self-confidence look online and buy books on lovemaking. If you are stuck you can search for sex for dummies, sex for the first time, or spice up sex for him.
To wrap it up
Try the solutions that we have, most of the time you will find that he has a valid reason or he is not even aware that this is making you feel less than. Can you live with this? If he still looks away, is this something that you can ignore? If not, pack your bags darling.