Trust is that even a word in your vocabulary because as you have said you have no friends because you don’t trust anyone, and I mean no one. But why is that? Did something happen in the previous friendships that made you lose trust in friends altogether?
I don’t think you want to be old, bitter, and friendless, telling yourself “I can’t trust anyone”, doesn’t leave much room for you to make friends. Read about how you can reclaim your social life and learn how to trust people.
8 Solutions you can try when you do not have friends because you don’t trust anyone
Don’t depend on anyone
The thing about trust is that you can’t just give it to anyone who wants to be your friend, if you are desperate for friends you might fall into the trap of quickly depending on someone who might let you done. So here is what you should do:
Have a plan B
Take your time when getting to know potential friends and don’t depend on them with your big life responsibilities. For example, suppose you have something that needs to be done do it yourself, people are busy and they might feel like you are dumping your burdens on them. It is a good strategy to always have a plan B, another easy example could be if you need to go somewhere and don’t have transportation to get there, it’s okay to ask a friend who has a car to take you there but what if they don’t show up? In that case, you should have the details of a cab company handy just in case.
Think about your well-being
You have to keep in mind that very few people can survive without friends, take for example the Hikikomori in Japan, so the hikikomori can be described as a group of people who, for lack of a better word don’t fit into society. When asked, most of them respond by saying that they do not fit into society. Anxiety trust issues are one of the reasons that the Hikikamori gives for not having any friends. The consequence of this is that people live a life of total isolation, mainly spending time at home watching TV or playing video games, you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know that this kind of behavior is not healthy.
When it comes to mortality it has been said that people who lack concrete social relationships have a higher mortality rate. The older you grow, the more you need these social relationships.
Think about what might happen when you get sick, even if your friends won’t be required to take care of you it will still be nice to have people who can give you words of comfort when you need it the most.
Don’t let the past define you
To be fair to you it’s probably not your fault that you have no friends because you have a hard time trusting people. A common theme amongst people who don’t have friends because of trust is that they were backstabbed by a friend in the past. Maybe this happened to you, or maybe your friend slept with your boyfriend or managed to get you fired from your job, whatever the reason is don’t let it keep you stuck in the past, because not everyone is like your former friends.
I have many clients who come to me and say I don’t trust anyone, I have no friends and my family hates me and for most of them, that is true. Being betrayed by a friend can hurt just as much if not more than being betrayed by family, so your trust issues are justified, but it doesn’t have to be the end all be all.
Work on being a good friend
Hey, it takes one to know one right? I know it can be hard to extend an olive branch to people and make yourself vulnerable but that is the essence of what being a good friend is, this means you have to do things like invite people over to your house so that you can also be invited, image if you always invited your friend over to your house and she never extended the invitation and invited you to her house, you would think she is not a good friend. So everything starts with you, keep an open mind and connect to like-minded people.
So here is the plan: while you are looking for friends start to think about how to be a good friend so that when you do find one, the friendship will be easy, in addition, you can think about the qualities that you want in that friend, and surround yourself with people who have those qualities.
Take control of your happiness
Don’t put pressure on your so-called friends to make you happy, that’s another cause for disappointment which once again will lead to trust issues. So what does taking charge of your happiness mean? It’s very simple to let’s say you want to go out and your friends are busy and you have no one to go shopping with, instead of not going out you should do what you intended on doing, your happiness is your responsibility.
The same goes for planning a girl’s trip, so many girls’ trips have been canceled at the eleventh hour because of friends backing out when it is time to go. If your friends are not interested in what you want to do, and what you want to do makes you happy, keep the friendships but do the things that make you smile even if it means doing them alone.
Be honest with yourself
Do you really have trust issues or are you saying that as a way to justify your not having friends? Please don’t shoot the messager I am on your side here. So be honest with what is going on with yourself internally so that you can open yourself up to new friends.
Your friends will make mistakes, but I have news for you, and so will you, that is a part of life, it’s impossible to be little miss perfect and never makes mistakes you are allowed to slip up and so are your friends. You may fight about the little things and sometimes you may find yourself in a social situation where your friend won’t defend you because she doesn’t agree with how you act or what you say, all of this is normal friendship breakup and makeup behavior.
Is it normal not to trust anyone?
Yes, it is normal, many people have trust issues that stem from past experiences it’s normal to feel like you can’t trust anyone once you have been betrayed. A good way to move forward is to give everyone an equal chance, every interpersonal relationship is different and not everyone will betray you, if have trouble forming long-lasting relationships because of trust you can seek the help of a trained professional.
You can’t run away from it, you have to face it girl but the good news is many people like yourself have had friendship trust issues and have been able to get over them, It is okay to have trauma and trust issues but try the techniques that have been mentioned, and remember to give yourself time, don’t trust anyone immediately, baby steps.