So you absolutely hate your mom’s boyfriend, ouch, the word hate is such a strong word. Cant, you use another word maybe say something like “ I don’t like him?” or is that too nice for the kind of man he is? Ok, I am not here to convince you to like your mom’s boyfriend, in fact, I will tell you what you can do if you hate him.
Do you really hate your mom’s boyfriend are you feeling left out? Either way, let’s look at some of the solutions that you can try when you hate your mom’s boyfriend.
I don’t like my mom’s boyfriend
It’s normal not to like your mom’s boyfriend especially if he has done something wrong, you should tell your mom about how you feel and set boundaries.
9 Things can do when you hate your mom’s boyfriend
Set clear boundaries
Your mom’s boyfriend is not allowed to act like he is your father or the new king of the house, your mom should not allow that. So set some boundaries of what is allowed, if you hate your mom’s boyfriend and she doesn’t want to break up with him she can have the relationship outside of the house, as long as she tells you where she is going.
They can have their romantic dinners at his house, they can see each other in public or he can come around to the house when you are not there.
Dont try to break them up
The worse thing that you can do is make your mom choose between you and her boyfriend, oh no if that was on your mind, abort the mission. Think about a time when you had a boyfriend and your mom didn’t approve of him if you think back you would have noticed that the more she didn’t approve of your boyfriend the more you wanted to be with him, and that happens to adults as well.
Use the energy that you were going to use to break them up and focus on yourself, your hobbies, and your friends.
Keep your opinions to yourself (unless he does something)
You should keep your opinion about your moms boyfriend to yourself unless he does something that is concerning. Suppose you see him cheating on your mom or you hear that he has another girlfriend then this is something that you should tell your mom or if you notice that your mom is withdrawn or quiet that could be a sign that she is being mistreated. If you notice that he tries to overplay his hand with you, then you should say something. If he speaks to your siblings in a manner that is inappropriate or acts suggestively then you should speak up immediately.
Yes, I know that you hate him and you want your mom to break up with him but be objective, don’t make anything up, and don’t come up with false accusations that might land him in big legal trouble just because you don’t like him.
If you accuse him of something, it must be something that he has said or done, not something that you wish he had said or done so that you can get him out of your life.
Speak to your mom
As soon as your mom starts bringing, Tom, Peter, Mark, or whatever his name is around the house then you should speak up. Tell your mom your concerns about the new relationship especially if she has had a bad history with dating. If she insists that he is a good guy, then that would be a great time to establish some rules and regulations. Your mom can’t bring every guy that she dates around the house, so assuming that she has been seeing him for longer than a month you can have the conversation.
If talking about how you feel makes you scared then grab a pen and paper, or you can send your mom a short text message, it doesn’t have to be this big grand talk, you are simply letting her know how you feel.
It’s kind of weird, to talk about relationships with your mom and she is the one who is in the hot seat but it has to be done, do not wait until he starts acting like he owns the house, he needs to know that he found you there and if anything happens in the relationship you will be the one who has to pick up the pieces.
Don’t be selfish
Think about your mom, the woman that she is, and everything that she has done for you and your siblings. Maybe your mom spent your entire life being single and that is because she wanted to focus on raising the best child that she could. But if you are grown up, it’s time to let your mom be happy, and yes that includes getting a boyfriend.
Your mom is human, she also has needs and wants and aside from the love she gets as a parent, she also needs romantic love. Believe it or not, moms get lonely, and it gets worse as children get to an age where they don’t need supervision, your mom has a right to happiness, don’t you think?
Do what he hates
You can do everything in your power to annoy him, and hopefully, that will lead him out of your mom’s life. Find out what he hates and do all of those things, many men would not stay in relationships where the stepchild is annoying, for many that is a deal breaker.
Get to know him
Okay, let’s be fair maybe this guy is nice and you feel left out, but what if he really is what your mom needs? Putting your feelings aside get to know him, who knows maybe the two of you share a common interest like a sports team or a hobby, but you won’t know all of this if you pretend that he doesn’t exist.
He could become a great allay one day, someone who might be in your corner when you need it the most, someone who can back you up when your mom’s cooking is not that good and she needs an honest opinion. But you won’t know unless you get to know him.
Let the relationship play out
The universe might be on your side and this guy might be one big mess and that means you do not have to do anything, he will mess up on his own, so let the relationship play out.
How do I do that?
Pretend to be happy (for your mom)
Suck it up, play nice, and pretend to be happy for her, eventually, you might be happy who knows. But the point is you need to give him or her enough room to mess up, don’t get your hand dirty, and plot to break them up, let the relationship runs its course naturally.
One of them will hopefully slip up, maybe your mom will realize that she wants liked being single and dump him or, he will show his true colors and cheat or do something that is a deal breaker for your mom, so grab your popcorn.
If you have tried all in your power to get him out of your mom’s life for good, and every scheme you have tried has failed, then deep breath… girl you have no choice but to accept him. But this doesn’t mean that you have to call him dad or uncle, just because you accept him doesn’t mean you approve, he can be someone who is in your life but not a part of it. Think of him as someone in the background that your mom likes to hang out with.
What do you do if you don’t like your mom’s boyfriend?
Tell your mom about how you are feeling and give her the reasons why you don’t like her boyfriend, you can also ask her to talk to him about your concerns.
Is it bad that I don’t like my mom’s boyfriend?
No, it’s not bad, it’s normal not to like your mom’s boyfriend if the reasons are valid. If he has done something to your mom that would make you not like him then you are within reason. Give him a chance and get to know him before coming to that conclusion.
At the end of the day there is nothing that you can do if your mom is hell-bent on a relationship with her boyfriend, the best you can do is pray that he messes up. You should not let him get between the two of you, focus on making your relationship with your mom stronger.