Girl, stop right there, that fantasy of you and your boyfriend making love in the office boardroom while everyone is out on the team building activity looks like it’s not going to happen, no ripping his pants off in the office, no sneaking away to the parking lot for a long passionate kiss, no, romantic notes on your computer, no free lunch because you work with your boyfriend and he has to be a gentleman and buy his girlfriend lunch, NO, girl, no nothing, Zilch, Nada, Nito once again nothing.
Because the guy you are interested in doesn’t want to date you. Sorry, Darling, I was rooting for you, but he won’t date you because you work together, if only life was simple. But why? We have a few possible reasons why he won’t date you, and the solid proof solutions you must try.
5 Reasons why he won’t date you because you work together
The reason that he doesn’t want to date you because you work together is that workplace romances have the potential of going bad, being romantically involved with your coworker can create a conflict of interest. Sometimes when coworkers date, they find it hard to separate the working relationship from the romantic relationship outside of work.
He doesn’t want to lose his job
Maybe he is older than you and doesn’t want to be seen as taking advantage of you, it always looks bad if a guy at work dates younger girls and it becomes worse if the lady in question is new. It can come across as the guy is some kind of predator who only goes after young women with no experience.
But he could also be sticking to work rules, girl have you taken a look at workplace rules where you work? are you sure that dating is allowed? Can you get fired for no reason, well no, but some companies view dating as a no-no.
He doesn’t want things to get messy
Workplace romances don’t have a good reputation of lasting until the end of time, for the most part, they last a few months and if the couple is really good together they can last a few years but generally workplace romances can be bad vibes. What if you have a fight at home and you have to see each other at the office? What if there is a new coworker who looks young, and fresh and is constantly around him? Would you be able to handle the normal jealousy that you will feel?
He really is not into you
He might have liked you at some point but even then if he was really into you he would have made a solid move. His telling you “ No we can’t date because we work together” is his ticket out of committing himself to anything. He might have also been joking when he initially asked you out or showed interest in you. Sure he has given you signs he’s interested, but he might have been joking-Some guys get a kick out of seeing how many women they can sleep within the office, what if he was kidding, and now that he sees that you like him, he is backed into a corner?
He is in a relationship
Our lives continue even after we leave the office, did you ask this guy if he has a girlfriend? Maybe he is in a committed relationship and is in love with someone else. What if he is married, did you know that a lot of married guys don’t wear wedding bands? Having an affair at work with a married man is a sure way to get everyone in your office talking. He might or might not tell you this because this is one of those weird secrets guys don’t like sharing, he might be in love with his girlfriend or wife and doesn’t want to tell you because who knows, maybe one day you guys might date.
He has a bad reputation in the office
The universe might be on your side here, trust the universe. Okay let’s say that he likes you, but he has dated several women in the office and some of them might have a bad thing to say about him. He may be trying to not only protect his reputation at the office but he doesn’t want to seem like a player in your eyes.
9 Things you can do when he won’t date you because you work together
If he won’t date you because you work together you can speak to him and try to make him see that if both of you date it won’t interfere with your work, but if he still is not interested you must take a step back and respect his decision to not date you, and try to think of him as nothing more than a coworker.
Stop thinking about dating him
It’s easier said than done because you are bound to see him in the office, looking handsome in his formal work attire, ok, I’m done joking because I don’t want to make you feel bad. Every time you start thinking about how nice it would be if he could just give the relationship a chance so you two can be an item, immediately distract yourself from try thinking about something else. Your workplace wannabe romance could have the potential of being obsessive.
If you are not careful those harmless thoughts, if played over and over again in your mind might turn out to be dangerous. Remember the Movie “Obsessed” starring Beyonce and Idris Alba? Remeber how obssesed the coworker was? Yup, think about it.
Quit your job or transfer
No, I would not do this if I were you, if you have a great job with a nice lifestyle and you have built your life around your job, why move? Why can’t he move if he wants to date you? Don’t do it just so he can date you. What happens when the relationship doesn’t work out? If you find out he is not good in bad or you are not compatible? You would have quit your job or transferred to another department all for nothing. Dating a coworker in a different department might be the solution assuming that is your current workplace setup.
Will he want to date me after I quit or transfer jobs?
If you quit your job or transfer to another department what are you hoping that it will achieve, what if he still doesn’t think the relationship will work? Will you hold onto the fact that you “sacrificed” your job so that you could be together over his head? Will he have to owe you or be forever indebted because you decided to change jobs because you liked him?
Accept his reason
Sometimes you win some and sometimes you lose some, you can’t win every battle, keeping in mind that you work together and that if you keep pushing him to date you, he can tell your boss about it or go to HR with a harassment case. Ewww…. Imagine how awkward it will be for you to go to work every day and be monitored by HR because you couldn’t take “no” for an answer.
Proceed with caution
Sometimes we push and push or pull and pull until we get the results we want because we have been told that “we have to go after what we want with passion “and “Don’t stop until you get everything that you want”. All of that motivation mumbo jumbo doesn’t work in every situation, know when to quit, know when to pull back, and most importantly know when to take your losses.
Speaking hypothetically, let’s say that you do manage to convince him to date you, what if the universe was trying to protect you from ending up with the worst jerk on planet Earth? All that pushing only to end up with your heart in pieces and having to attend therapy for 5 years because you forced your way into the heart of a narcissist, trust the universe and proceed with caution.
Dont risk your job or reputation
Did you have a look at the dating protocols at your workplace? Are romantic relationships even allowed or are you choosing to ignore them so that he can date you? If dating at work is not allowed don’t risk your job for a relationship that might or might not work.
Think of him as a colleague
This is easy because before you thought of him as more than a colleague he was a colleague. Go back to thinking of him as nothing more than someone you work with.
Make peace with the truth
There are ways of dating someone at work and having a wonderful relationship, if he wanted to date you he could have. If your workplace has no rules that prevent him from dating you then he is using the fact that you work together as an excuse. It’s his way of letting you down softly without saying “ I am not interested in dating you”.
Look for love outside your place of work
With so many places to meet nice handsome men, why limit yourself to a guy who does not want to date you? Take yourself out and keep your eyes open, don’t be quick to dismiss nice guys just because they don’t look like or act like your work crush.
Try your luck one last time
Okay, this is the last time you must try this, if it doesn’t work then girl move on. Invite him out for dinner and make it clear that you are going out as friends, he can even invite a friend of his and you can invite one of your friends. Be sure to look sexy, and make it hard for him to not want to date you. Before you all go, brief your friend about your crush so that she can keep his buddy entertained while you and he spend time together.
Is it a conflict of interest to date a coworker?
Dating a coworker can be a conflict of interest if one party gets away with not doing their work or coming in late and they are not reprimanded, giving special treatment to someone that you are dating can be seen as a conflict of interest.
Do relationships with coworkers work?
Relationships with coworkers do work and they can last for a long time provided that the two coworkers who are dating do not bring their relationship issues to work. It’s important to separate issues going on in the relationship outside of work from the workplace relationship.
Can an employer stop you from dating a coworker?
If the company rules state that dating at work is not allowed the employer can use his or her discretion whether or not to enforce the rules. If the boss prohibits dating at work, employees need to speak to the boss about following the rules set out or risk being disciplined.
You know what they say “Never date a coworker”, because oftentimes a lot of drama is involved. Dating a coworker is not a bad idea, I know many couples who met at work and got married and by all accounts look happy together, but the decision is not entirely up to you. Let this relationship develop naturally, if it’s supposed to turn into a romance it will, for now, stick to your fantasies about your workplace hubby, how know one day they might come true?