Bros before hoes I suppose that is the motto your crush lives by because he refuses to date you. I’m not sure if I completely disagree with his decision to not date you because you dated his friend, don’t get me wrong there’s nothing wrong with dating men who are friends but it could get complicated with a lot of drama, gossiping, and a somewhat strained relationship.
Now before you go wild and come at me saying I slept with his friend before we dated, or My ex has moved on he has a new girlfriend, I need you to listen to the reasons why he won’t date you, and as always we have surefire solutions.
9 Reasons why he won’t date you because you dated his friend
He won’t date you because you dated his friend because he feels like he would be betraying his friendship with his by dating the same girl that his friend has dated.
He feels like a backup
If you are all in the same friendship circle then it should come as no surprise that he feels like a second option, sort of like “ Oh the relationship between you and his friend didn’t work out, and now here you are” If you dated his friend that might make him feel like some sort of movie extra, so to him, you and his friend are the main characters and he is someone who gets called in to sit at the back so that the movie can look pleasant.
He might not want to date you because he feels like a backup, almost as if he is not good enough. Since you dated his friend he is like the second option, the second pick and he will always come in second place as compared to his friend who dated you before.
He doesn’t want to destroy the relationship with his friend
Think about this for a minute how would you feel if one of your friends started dating an ex-boyfriend of yours? It doesn’t matter if that ex treated you badly or that you and the said friend are not that close. I am betting that you would feel a little betrayed, I mean friends don’t date each other’s boyfriends and that applies to each other’s ex-boyfriends.
Unless you are totally over him and you have moved on with the greatest guy on earth who treats you like Prince William treats Kate, the relationship between you and your friend would be strained. He could be thinking about how all this dating will affect his friendship with your ex-boyfriend. Do you know if they hang out every week, are they close buddies who share everything?
Your ex spoke badly to him about you
Now girls don’t be naive and think “ Men do not gossip” because yes they do and in some cases way more than women do. You know your ex-boyfriend best, and you know what kind of man he is. He might have whispered something bad about you to him for various reasons.
What does it mean when your ex talks bad about you?
Your ex-boyfriend could speak badly about you for two reasons, firstly he could still be in love with you and he doesn’t want another man dating you. The other reason could be that at the time he said something nasty, your relationship with him might have been bad, and he might not have meant what he said, but the damage was done.
He might think you will go back to his friend
Even if you know in your hearts of heart that the relationship between you and his friend is over for good, he doesn’t know that. For all, we know he won’t date you because he isn’t sure that you and his friend will get back together. You have no idea what his friend might be saying to him about you.
He is respecting the” Bro Code”
Dating someone your friend slept with is eeeeeky, to say the least, and you know how men value the “Bro Code”, it’s also similar to the “Girl Code”. The issue might not be with you, he might have feelings for you, but having sex with a woman who has slept with his friend might be something he is totally against he might also feel like he is picking up “crumbs”, and us being a part of the “Girl Code club” can relate.
He is not sure if you will all his friends
Can you swear that you will never be attracted to any of his friends in the future? Do you have a reputation for dating guys who are friends? I am not saying that you have a bad reputation, but maybe he won’t date you because he is not 100 percent sure that he is the final guy that you will date within this friendship group.
Can you imagine how tense the situation would be if you and him break up, and a few months down the line you started dating another guy who belongs to the same group? Whether or not you would be aware that all of these guys are friends is not the point, but as you can see that it reflects badly on you as a woman, its almost as if you are saying” Okay, that is two guys down, time for me to date the next friend”.
His friend has questionable morals
If his friend is s a jerk and has questionable morals, he might think “ What the hell were you thinking dating him” It’s kind of like “ Guilty by association”. Sure you are not the one who has questionable morals for all I know you are a squeaky clean and a good woman, but the fact that you dated his friend might make him think that you are just like him, and that is why he won’t date you.
He feels you should have told him
Maybe you kept the relationship between you and his friend a secret out of fear that he might not date you or it didn’t even cross your mind that he would think it is a deal breaker. Some guys like honesty upfront from the get-go, for him, he feels like if you didn’t tell him that you had his friend dates, what else could you possibly be hiding from him or hide in the future?
He feels hurt
If he feels hurt this is a good and a bad indication, it’s good because we know that he likes you a lot, no man would feel bad about any woman unless he has feelings for her. Wait, don’t celebrate just yet because this could also be bad. Sometimes when a guy is hurt he can do the opposite of what he should be doing and that is to make you his girlfriend. But sometimes the opposite can happen and he can think the whole situation is a bad idea.
6 Things you can do when he won’t date you because you dated his friend
If he won’t date you because you dated his friend you can speak to him and reassure him that your relationship with his friend is over and your relationship with him won’t hurt his friend.
Talk to him
We can sit here and speculate until Prince Harry realizes that Meghan is not the right one for him but that means we will be speculating for centuries to come. Talk to him about why he won’t date you, he might give you an answer you never thought of, he is the only one who knows why. If his answers are mild to the point that you feel it’s something that both of you can overcome, let him know that you are no longer in love with his friend.
Talk to his friend
Fingers crossed that your ex-boyfriend is what we can call a “mature ex” who has some decency left, I also hope that he has moved on from his relationship with you so that he can advocate on your behalf. Honestly speaking, if your ex-boyfriend does this, I am willing to bet anything that his friend will reconsider and he will show up at your door with roses and chocolates, ready to take you out.
Stay away from this friendship group
In any case, It’s never a good thing to date friends, everything and everyone gets involved with what Jada Pinket Smith famously labeled as an “Entanglement”. These situations are always messy, and gossipy, full of “ He said this” “ She said that”, or “Your ex told me this” and “Your ex told me that”, it’s exhausting. You might spend half the time trying to “Prove” you are not in love with your ex. The group might see you as the girl who is no more than a side chick with no morals. If it’s possible, stay away from this friendship group and look for a Bae else there, there have to be other guys where you live.
Don’t fall in love with friends
You do not want to be known as the girl who gets passed around from one friend to another, he must be your last romantic partner in this friendship group. It’s not a good look, and usually, friends mimic each other, if you date one friend, the next friend will most likely also be like your ex, its almost as if you are dating the same person in a different body, LOL, Crazy I know. But girl, do your research, if the guy who is interested in dating you sound too familiar or sounds like the both of you know a lot of people in common, keep your eyes open.
Hold your head high
Sure you like him, but you can’t force him to want to date you because he will take advantage of the fact that you like him. Your ego may be bruised but in time you will get over it, and who knows him not wanting to date you because you dated his friend can be a blessing in disguise.
Pretend you didn’t know they were friends
Only use this strategy if this guy is worth it, as in Denzel Washington worth it, You can pretend that you didn’t know that they are friends, im being serious. There is no way that you would know everyone that your ex-boyfriend knows unless you sat with his phone book and asked him about every contact that he has. So play dumb, like you didn’t know that, and make it look like it’s not your fault, but in all honestly, the fact that they are friends has nothing to do with you.
Do guys care if you hook up with their friend?
Yes, guys do care if you hook up with their friend before or after dating them. Hooking up with their friend can make you look like someone who sleeps around with different guys. But if the hook-up happened a long time ago they don’t see it as a bad thing.
In Closing Darlings
The dating world is full of drama on its own, this is one of those R Kelly and Usher “ Same girl” situation. But the difference is that all of you are aware of the situation, if it was not for the ultimate bro code, this guy would have no issues with being your boyfriend. We have to remember that not all guys are the same, maybe he can’t get over the dreaded thought of “Me and my friend slept with the same girl” and for him, you are a no-go area, fingers crossed it works out for you.