Dating while facing infertility is one of those things that will always be hard to deal with, it does not matter how hard you try to toughen yourself. It is not your fault that you cannot have children or have a hard time getting pregnant, but not every guy you date will see it that way. In his mind, he is ready to have a child; if he can’t have a child with you, he feels he can’t continue with the relationship.
Apart from convincing him not to leave you, is there anything you can do? With the advancement in medicine, there are many ways that couples have a child.
6 Reasons why he left you because you couldn’t get pregnant
The reason why your boyfriend left you because you couldn’t fall pregnant is because he wants to be a father, for him if he cannot become a dad and have biological children, then the relationship does not have a future.
Infertility is a deal breaker for him
He wants to have a biological child and with you having a hard time falling pregnant his need to be a father to his blood child will not be met. He might not have considered things such as adoption, IVF, or surrogacy. Even if he has he might not like the idea of being a father to a child that he did not create.
His parents want a grandchild
If he loved you but was under pressure from his family to have a child then there was no way that you could win against what they want. Many men across the world face this and in some countries such as Africa and India, they are encouraged to take on a second or a third wife if the first wife has a problem conceiving. It has to do with the whole keeping the family name and expanding from generation to generation.
All his friends have children
If all of his friends have children and some of his friend’s wives or girlfriends are pregnant, he might feel like the odd one out. If John, Tom, and Steven are all talking about their children’s first day at school or they cannot hang out with the boys anymore because their child has soccer, ballet, or guitar practice that can make your boyfriend feel out of place and question his relationship with you.
When his friends ask him questions he will always be the guy who says My girlfriend can t have babies so I cannot give you advice. His friendship with the boys won’t be the same, they won’t have a lot in common and he won’t be able to connect with all of the parental struggles that they face.
He might be the problem ( and he is hiding it)
You might have not thought about this but your man might be the one with the problem, he could secretly know that he is the one who cant have kids the natural way and he is shifting the blame on you. If you don’t believe me pull him aside and convince him to get tested so that you can he can be ruled out as the problem.
He is using infertility as an excuse
If you spoke to him before and you were upfront about not being able to have children or that it may take some time, and you know that he never expressed his desire to be a dad, he might be using this as an excuse. Think about how he has been acting these past couple of months, has he been moody, has he been secretive there might be more to this than meets the eye.
He never loved you
It’s not that he never loved you completely, I do not doubt that he loved you with all of his heart but if you do a Google search you will find millions of couples who have faced infertility and have stayed together. There are millions of stories of men who had the option of leaving their wives or girlfriend but choose to stay.
Even if they desperately wanted to have a biological child, if it meant that they could not have the child with the woman that they are in a relationship with, they would rather not have a child at all with anyone.
7 Things that you can do if he left you because you couldn’t get pregnant
When he leaves you because you cannot fall pregnant you should let him go and look at talking to a medical professional about choices available for you when you cannot easily fall pregnant, you should also be upfront about your struggles to have a baby with future boyfriends so that they know from the beginning if this is the type of relationship that they want.
Look at your options
If being a mother is your dream and you cant have a child the natural way you have a few options that you can choose from. Do your research and find out the best and cheapest alternative that you can try to have children. If your boyfriend or husband agrees then go to your local doctor who will refer you to several specialists.
What are my options if I can’t fall pregnant
You have a few options that you can choose from, IVF should be your first point of choice because you can still carry the baby and have it the natural way.IVF can be done for both parties, so look into IVF for men. Bear in mind that IVF treatment costs can set you back a couple of thousand dollars so it’s not always affordable for everyone. If that is out of the question surrogacy is something that you can look into.
And finally, you can adopt a child. It can be hard to adopt a newborn baby because they are in demand and the waiting list for newborns can have you waiting for years. Keep an open mind and think about adopting a toddler or an older child, often older children are neglected because they are not cute anymore but adopting an older child could turn out to be the best thing for you.
Be upfront about your infertility
If this relationship with your man is completely over and you are sure that you will not get back together when you open yourself up to dating again, be upfront about your struggles if a man indicates that he wants children, tell him that it might or might not happen.
Learn to have thick skin
Don’t internalize his rejection and tell yourself that you are not good enough, it’s not about you as a person it’s what he can and cannot put up with. If he dumped you because you cannot have a child, it does not mean he didn’t love you, but he is honest enough to know that he will never be completely happy.
Dont put pressure on yourself
Just because you could fall pregnant with him doesn’t mean you can’t in the future (if nothing wrong has been confirmed by your doctor), lots of women who thought that they could not have a baby have fallen pregnant with a new partner and this comes as a welcomed surprise.
Applaud his honesty
The situation could have been worse he could have lied to you and told you that he loved you regardless and then a few years down the line he leaves you or makes you stay with him while he gets another woman pregnant.
Date a child-free guy
Now this is assuming that you don’t want children or have made peace with the fact that it might not be possible and you don’t want to go through the trouble of adoption, surrogacy, or any other medical intervention you can date a child-free man. Millions of men don’t want children and they are out there. You should consider this if you know that deep down in your heart that you don’t want children and are fine with being a childless woman.
Is infertility a reason to break up?
Infertility is no reason to break up but the stress of trying to have a baby coiled with the cost of fertility treatments and doctor visits is what causes most couples who are struggling to have a baby to break up.
Breaking up because of infertility is more common than you think, a baby is a great addition to any family and it can strengthen the bond between parents. As we grow the need to have children become stronger and for your boyfriend the fact that you can’t fall pregnant is a deal breaker. Thinking about a friend who came to me crying saying My husband wants a divorce because I am infertile, he left even though she didn’t want him to go, but a few years down the line her life changed with a miracle baby, so anything can happen.